what do you all think about my situation..

[mbc9ie]

I have a few posts on here trying to explain my situation....

 

Lets see.. where do i start....

 

My wife says that she has fallen out of love with me, but she is willing to try and find that love that she has for me. we grew apart.. ad for the past 2 months have argued a great bit.. I have for that past 2 weeks.. stopped fighting with her.. i only talk not argue... She tells me that we need time to fix our problems.. that we need to fix our friendship before we can fix our marriage. we have a one year old son... she is 20 I am 28.... She wants a legal sepperation so that she can get into a apartment.. becuase together we are financially set but apart it makes it hard... She is willing to try and heal and give us anoher chance if we can.....

 

The thing is is that when i touch her.. It makes her feel weird... She no longer wants me to see her with out clothes on.. I understand.. but it hurts... the problem is is that.... I believe her... but i miss her. And it is hard to not tell her she is beautiful.. and try to talk about what we are going through. I have pressured her and am trying to stop... it is hard, becuase she feels that i am not listening to her, i feel that she doesnt listen to me.

 

We think tht the only way for us to fix our marriage is to be apart and hop that the space will heal.. and the missing will start..

 

things seem to be getting better... we are talking more.. she is calling me more.. and she is being some what playfull.. so hope all will change.. any tips in how to keep my self straight so i wont push anything on her.. is space what she really needs to fix things.. her hair is slowly falling out becuase of all the stress she has besides me.. but the stress of everything else is fueling the fire under her and I. So let me know what you all think....

 

now is the feeling weird about the touching, she says its cuase she is not in it right now.. is it becuase of the pressure and the problems we have, and will it come back when we start to get on better terms... as she says if she didnt wanna give it a try she would have stayed to fix things.. she doesnt know how to fix it but she is willing to try.. hope we can get through this. She wants to fall back in love.. but is not sure how..... and the weird ness to my touch she doesnt know how to get through that either.. and tips or advice? thanks.....

[Avalon23199]

I can give you a view point from her side, because that is exactly what I'm experiencing in my relationship right now. My fiance and I have been together about 2 1/2 years and we have a daughter together. I myself have begun to fall out of love with him. I just cannot find myself being 100% attracted to him, but have tried everything I can think of to make it work between us, because I do care deeply about and do still love him, just not as much as he would like to me to.

 

 

Also, the weirdness thing, I go through that too. I don't want him to really touch me, kiss me, or anything like that. And it's hard, because I want nothing more than to have that closeness again. It's very contradictory and confusing to deal with.

 

My only suggestion is to give her the space she needs and let her make the first move. Pressuring her into things will make things worse. I know that doesn't make things easier for you, but if you want to save your relationship, just give it time and space. And definitely be there for your child, this is hard on him also! Also, you could try counseling. It does help to have a 3rd party perspective on things.

[darkblue]

If she wants space - give her space.

There is nothing you can do, and you cannot force her back in to loving you.

 

Remember that there is a child involved - and that is the top priority.

 

Why does she want legal separation, when she hopes things can be fixed?

[mbc9ie]

becuase she thinks that as long as we live in that house together that we are going to argue till we get things cleared out.. and in order fro her to get a low income appartment being she doesnt make a whle lot of money... my income is to high.. if this is whay it takes.. then i will do what ever she wants

[darkblue]

I think that is rather drastic.

What about the child?

Does he stay with his mother, in an appartment on low wage. Or with you, in his home?

 

Have you tried limiting your contact with her?

[coooolsome]

Yes, give her space. Reading your post made me see the same things my ex was doing. I just didnt realize what was happening. Give her all the space she needs. Be the person she first fell in love with. She fell in love with a confident, fun person, not a sad, lonely, needy person.

 

You are making great progress. I commend you for talking instead of fighting. Stay strong.

[mbc9ie]

the problem is that she doesnt wanna talk right now she wants to deal with it how she wants.. we believe that if we dont give each other space tht we will not be able to make it.. she has no where to go.. and the closest place i have is 30 min away.. she works nights and we are going to shared our sons time.. so we are just trying.........

 

its so hard to just sit and watch the woman you love sit accross from you and realize that you dont matter like you used to...... I have to be strong to get her back...

[Danny H]

 

its so hard to just sit and watch the woman you love sit accross from you and realize that you dont matter like you used to...... .

 

 

Ain't that the truth!!