Ex girlfriend situation

[jgo1978]

Ok, so any help I could get would be beneficial in this situation. This is long, but it is entertaining and I could use some advice from unbiased parties.

This is a semi-complicated story, so, I was just curious what people's thoughts were on this topic. I dated this young lady, I shall call her Beth from here on out, earlier this year, February through March, for about 2 months. She dumped me for the fact that I was "too nice" and "too good for her", as she put it, while crying her eyes out. I thought, ok, so this is over. It took me some time to get over her, but I eventually did. About 1 or 2 weeks after I was dumped however, and she would call me 3 to 4 times a week either just wanting to talk or asking advice. I felt a little weird talking to her, as I still had some feelings toward her.

THen the 2nd Gulf War began. She was calling me every day, as she was scared of the war and what may happen. Beth claimed I was the only one who could calm her down. So, we talked on the phone quite a bit. In April, she went to a Carribbean spot for a week-long vacation with her female friends. They had fun, blah blah. WHen she came back, she said we should hang out. However, she did not call me as much, and I thought, "ok, so its over now, cool."

She then called me in the middle of May, and wanted to talk. We talked, and she wanted my advice on why the guy she was seeing was treating her so crappy. I gave her my 2 cents, and so on. She eventually dumped this young man, and continued to call me more and more. Throughout the end of May and most of June she would call me about 4 times a week to talk. No big deal, I was over her and thought "Hey cool, we can be good friends." The end of June hits, and she is calling me even more, and we start hanging out quite a bit. By quite a bit, I mean we are hanging out 4 to 5 times a week.

There seems to be nothing romantic involved, but just friends hanging out. I think nothing of it. She then tells me an intresting query, her friend John who she had dated 2 years ago, asks her if she would be willing to sleep with him one last time, because she was that good. John uses drugs and once in a while she uses drugs with him. I say, wow, ok bad idea, as she had told me he took a long time to get over her, and he had a girlfriend. She thought the idea was a tad odd, but intruguing. I told her this was a bad idea because she told me John admitted to her it took him about 1 year to get over her and this showed me he could easily develop feelings for her again.

The beginning of July, she asks me to be her roommate. We both live with our parents right now, and were planning on moving out in October or November to single-bedroom apartments by ourselves. I contemplate the idea, and still am, as I feel we are just friends. She has said a couple times before that we "work better as friends", and I agree. On the 4th of July weekend, I attend a local baseball game with Beth, and one of her friends. After that we go to her house for an after-game party. Everyone is drinking and having a good time, no big deal. Me, Beth, and her friend who visited take a walk. While walking back to the house, she says, "you know, my friends think we make a cute couple." I did not know how to react, but, was taken aback. I basically blew it off at the time as I was a tad tipsy. She also mentioned to her friend not 10 minutes after she told me her friends though we made a cute couple that her ex from 2 years ago John wanted to sleep with her one last time.

Later in the night, I was not able to fall asleep on the couch. Beth wakes up, and sees me not sleeping, so she invites me to sleep in her bed with her. We only sleep, but she was almost spooning with me. Who knows, maybe she was just dreaming or whatever.

Well, Sunday comes, and we hang out again. Monday we dont hang out. Tuesday we dont hang out, but she calls me and asks what I am doing, and I had plans so I decide not to hang out. Wednesday she calls and wonders what I am doing after dinner and if I want to play tennis with her and her friends Greg and Amanda, who are dating. Well, we play tennis, and when it begins to get dark, we all are hanging out in the parking lot and what not, talking. She says of how she was drunk last night, and called her friend John who has a girlfriend, and had sex with him. We all look at her and think and say, "Wow, he has a grilfriend, that is kind of crappy you did that." Well, she did say she would like to have sex with him one last time, because he was really good. She is single, so she can make her own choices.

Now, that is the back story, and a long one at that. She does act very flirty towards me, and not even my other closest friends call me every or almost every day. She gives me these little signals, and almost seems as if she wants me to make a move on her. She is always talking about how she met this one guy or that guy who she wants to jump on or date, but never acts on it, and is usually hanging out with me. My friends think it is a bad idea to move in with her and I should just drop her from my life, or maybe I should start playing her little game and try to win, you know, make myself the one who is hard to get. One friend says she thinks Beth is trying to make me jealous of her being with other guys so I make a move on Beth because I am jealous. WHen I say I am going on a date, Beth says, "Well, she doesnt seem to be good for you."

I know I am dragging this out, but, what do I do? Does Beth like me? Does she only wish to be friends? How do I tell what is truly going on? I currently really have no strong romantic feelings for Beth, but I want to know if I should make myself vulnerable to having feelings for her. The her having sex with John does not bother me, what does bother me is she helped him cheat on his girlfriend. I am not even 100% sure she is telling the truth about that though. In any case, let me know. Thanks.

[doblersdream]

Hi.

 

I think in this instance you should listen to your friends' advice. They obviously understand the situation better than any stranger can, but from what you have told us, it seems that this girl is acting totally out of self-interest, not caring of the effects her actions have on others. Sounds like trouble to me. I get the impression that deep down you know this, but don't want to admit it.

[notherenowhere]

jgo1978,

 

What does she exactly mean by you being "too nice" or "too good for her"? Is she implying that she's a bad person? Well, it seems like she is since she helped her ex cheat on his current girlfriend. The big factor here to look at are her morals now.

[charmed]

Hi There !

 

Wow - If I don't have a story similar to this - only I'm lucky that my one is not asking me to move in with her !!

 

This girl is using you for her ego ! It is possible that she may not even know it, and that is even more dangerous for you. If you truly have no interest romanticaly in this girl - keep it that way. Do not move in with her under any circumstances - even if you think you could handle it !!!

 

Let her do her own thing, show her that you are sick of her games, and her wasting your time with her indecisiveness. One of you has to act like an adult here - so it must be you !!!!

 

Good luck,

 

Charmed.

[kdreger]

hahahhhahah

 

hahahhahah

 

Oh boy... I've been where you are.

 

Here's the situation as I see it (although it may be different as the girl I knew isn't your friend but... I digress).

 

The situation with the girl I knew that was like this is that she has a LOW self-worth. That makes no sense you might think as your friend is very attractive. So was mine. She would call me ALL the time about everything - tell me about who she slept with and who she liked etc etc. Or the guy she couldn't get over.

 

Do you compliment her? Do you find yourself telling her that she is special and convincing her she has worth as a person and woman?

 

The girl I knew was insensitive at times, self-involved and just plain spoilt. Why did I hang out with her. Well she was hot and I was trying to get into her pants by playing the good guy routine. Funny thing is that after awhile I was a drug to her. She needed me! Just before our friendship ended she was in tears one night as a guy she slept with never called her again. She felt like crap. It was at this time that I knew that she used me to give her self-worth. She asked me to come over and make love to her because she knew I would call her back the next day and make her feel worthy of love. I said NO. By this time I was dating someone special and I was honestly sick of her.

 

Your friend is messed up. She doesn't know up from down. She's insecure and using you to make herself feel good. You are her ego boost as she does stupid insensitive things - her rational that if you are still friends with her she has value because you are a good person.

 

My advice play hard to get. Make her work to be your friend. She's addicted to you, no doubt about it. Without you she's a mess. You decide what you want to do knowing this.

[winkie]

Well lets see....how old is she? I am not sure I like this girl. I think you either need to 1) stay away from her or 2) Be up front and ask her what her intentions are. I do not think you should move in with her. If you move in with her it may cause problems. She is your friend thats fine but it is when it is convient for her. I am sorry to say that from your letter it is obvious that you like her and your not admitting it. Also, why is she asking you about her new relationships or sharing thigs with you that dont make her seem to promising. I think you should go with your friends on this one becasue they are looking from the outside in and you are on the inside so you cant really see as much. One thing I will tell you good friends will never lead you in the wrong direction, only help you towards the right.

[charmed]

kdreger

 

You may not have read my story, but you make a lot of sense to me. I'm seeing my one reguarly, and she seems to be addicted to me, yet not addicted to me. She is abousolutely beautiful, but something seems not quite right about the picture. Her main friends seem to be a total mess, and from what I've heard, I'm possibly the most intelligent and mature person in her life at the moment and I (not to blow my own trumpet) stink of ambition and success - something she doesn't have at all. She knows what she wants to do, but as for the ambition and success........

 

I broke down a bit and fell for her about two weeks ago - showd her inside, but have had to close that off. Since then, she went a bit distant, as did I because I knew I needed to get some space. When I started to get some space, and treat her a bit rough (not physically, mentally) shes being playing games with me - but I've been playing back .

 

She could possibly have me if she wanted, I'm not going to let that happen. I'm working to emotionally distance myself from her because I know inside that I don't want a girl like that as a partner.........but if we were hook up for sum passion ......

 

Bwahahahahahah !!!!

Girls like this need to learn lessons - they play too much with the good emotional men on our little planet !!!!

 

The girl in my story sounds like the girl in the post here - this advice applies to both of them I think.

 

Any comments,

 

Charmed.

[Knctrnl22]

If she still like you she is going about it the wrong way and I believe you know this.

 

This girl is playing games with you and if you can't handle it or want better for yourself then forget her and drop her like a bad habit.

 

If you know that you are going to keep pursuing this and hang out with her than I think you should be a domininant man and make your moves.

 

If she does nothing but hurt your feelings than I would suggest that you stay away from her.

 

She said you were to nice now she sees you as a challenge.

 

Like everyone else says she is immature!

 

Hope this helps a little