Is this the next stage of the END?

[Lady Bugg]

Freckle.....I have no more advice to offer you.

Good luck being his doormat.

[frecklegirl]

Lady Bugg, I was kinda wondering who would say it! I know, it sucks, I am stuck in the vicious pull of my own choice! Damn, I can't figure it out, I really can't....why would someone like me, career, good reputation, etc. allow a man to "browbeat" her??? That is me....as soon as he started to get irritated about my not being able to leave, I got all anxious and panic feeling. It is like doing exactly what you hate, but still feel those feelings.

 

My friend told me today "anybody else and you would tell them F***off, but with him........I always feel I have done something to disappoint him and that makes me start the cycle all over again..

 

I don't blame you for being done advising me....I still need this forum for my venting I guess.

[justlookin]

There is nothing wrong with you being friends,but it seems to me that he is taking advantage of that friendship by being disrespectful and harmful to you.I mean my God girl,how many others is he sleeping with,you are sleeping with everyone he is.Ever heard of STD"S,maybe the reason he takes a shower when he is done is because he feels dirty,or his thoughts of you are!That would seriously make me feel bad and maybe that is why you seem so confused.I can understand your fear of losing him,but apparently you never had him.This Guy needs a true awaking and only you can do it.Cut off the Sex completely for a month and see what happens.He is taking advantage of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[frecklegirl]

Actually, he and I were together 4 years.....no, he only sleeps with the live in...yes, I feel disgusted saying that....not worried about STD's, he needs her so would not risk it...takes a shower so nothing left of me perfume, etc. to be detected....It is so much more than sex to me....he and I have never been able to truly let go and I always feel we should be together somehow, even with all of this.

 

Can't be a doormat anymore however......

[Lady Bugg]

Freckle.....I REALLY don't mean to be harsh, but WHY do you allow yourself to be treated lke this? Aren't you BETTER than that?? All you are is a "cum dumpster" to this guy. I am sorry but it's true!!! He comes over...when HE feels like it (and you LET him) he has SEX with you (not even making love) THEN he has to shower and leaves. End of story. WHere is the "LOVE" in this whole scenerio??? Although I am emotional at times..I always try to put logic over emotion. This is completely ILLOGICAL to me. Yes YOU are in love with this guy and he clearly takes advantage of that situation! You keep saying you're going to stop and you don't. Don't you ANY self control???

 

Sorry......I just don't "get it"

[Mun]

Ok let's say she finds out about you guys and kicks him out. So he leaves the gf and moves in with you and your kids, drives around in your car, eats your food and complains about why your kids don't have jobs.....eekk... imagine that girl? What if that was to happen.

 

It could happen if you keep up with this. It's only a matter of time before she gets wind of the situation....

 

I like the suggestion that you take a cpl of months away. The distance might let you see the situation for what it is...but sadly I don't think you have the willpower to do that.

 

You will have better when you stop putting up with second best. It's up to YOU....

[frecklegirl]

Okay gang......I always hate to be told I can't do something...but alas, looks pretty true eh? Regarding willpower, no, I seem to whitewash, deny everything in order to live with myself and believe he is not what he is!

 

I can't be this anymore...I have never been a doormat, it embarrasses me to ME! I hate that he knows he has me because when we were together, in bed, so close, these thoughts never existed. he always says that he wishes we would have really broken up...well, yes, now I see why..It is not because we have this huge love I want to believe in, it is because we are unable to truly move on due to our own "issues" at least I feel that way about me.

 

Funny, when he called and was so close by, I did not want him to come get me.........I do and don't! All I saw flashing before my eyes, was what to do now???? I do not want to be in her car, I can't respect this guy and bigger than that..........I would not respect me. So my question, why my tears??????????

[jenny_mcs]

frecklegirl-

 

I've read through some of your posts and I have to say- I think you are addicted to the "drama" of this situation. Read some of your past posts- you're mad, you're anxious, you're out of control, you're freaking out, etc.

 

There is always some new "twist"- you broke down and e-mailed, he came over, he called from a pay phone, you gave in and saw him, etc.

 

I think you are afraid to end this clearly unhealthy relationship because once it is over, once all the back and forth ends, you will have to deal with whatever it is in your life that you are hiding from. You need to figure out what that is.

 

Do yourself a favor- stop taking the calls, and answering the e-mails. When you aren't letting this crazy stuff fill up your mind, it will be scary, but it is something a lot of people on this board have gone through.

 

Once he is out of your life, you will have to face yourself and your life, and it sounds to me like that is what you are afraid of. He is a merely distracting you from the work you have to do to get yourself to a secure and happy place.

[Mun]

Hun, you know you don't really want this man, but there is something about being rejected by someone you rejected first that really bites. And now you are just letting yourself down and losing so much in the process.

 

Let me play with your mind for a bit. What if I told you that a chubby, not so attractive or intelligent gal would NEVER put up with what this man is doing ? She would kick him to the curve in a heartbeat, because her self-respect means more to her than any man ever would. And that chubby girl would look at you and wonder why a woman with all those gifts would ever bother...and yet you do.

[frecklegirl]

Mun, you are right....I think we all know that this comes from my place in me....I really wish I could find the key to unlock me..in other words, where does this view of myself come from? I know others have found the way out and I do want to. Today after the rejection of yesterday, I want him to call, but then again I only want it to feel less bad about myself, not so we will be together!

 

See how messed up this is? I think I need to change the message to myself as you have suggested. Maybe the repetion of deserving more will start to sink in. In the meantime, I want to not feel anxious or sad that he is hating me.

[Mun]

jenny had a very good post here. Do as she says and try finding what your real issue is and then maybe you can break free from this man. She had some good stuff to say back up there...

[frecklegirl]

Jenny, you did have something very insightful to say. I sort-of cringed, because it must have hit a nerve.....I hate fear and I think it has me. I want out of this place.

thanks