8 months and still going strong!!

[HJP1990]

Hi... I haven't posted on here for awhile... Believe it or not there are some happy endings, my ex and I got back together after a year apart and we are more stronger and happier than ever. We have back together for 8 months and I can honestly say he has changed 100 percent!! He is the one who broke up with me, we were apart for a year and in that time I learned alot about my self and the problems in our relationship and we decided after a year to try again... I just want everyone to know that this site has been such a big help to me when I was going through my breakup. I just wanted to share my story with everyone to show that there can be happy endings!!

[Lady Bugg]

HJP thank you SOOOOOOO much for that post and I wish you ALL the best!!!!

 

What did you do to work things out? Can you give us "hopefuls" some tips???

[newts]

Great to hear. Hope all goes well for the both of you.

[selfi]

congrats on re-uniting! i love these stories (as rare as they are)

I sincerely hope one day I will be starting a thread like this in time to come

 

lady bug - TRUST me, there are really no tips you can receive that will get him back. when i first came on this forum i didnt believe that there was really nothing one could do, so because of that , i tried every tactic under the sun to win my ex back. and so far, after doing EVERYTHING (which also included Nothing or 'NC') we still are not together.

So far the most effective thing for 'us' so far though has been time. As time has gone by, he has revealed to me how much I do mean to him, and not only that, but he is now open to the POSSIBILITY of us getting back together! (There was one time where he wasnt open to this at all, so essentially this is progress)

 

So stay the beautiful woman you always have been, and let things happen, whatever they may be.

[HJP1990]

First thing i did was go to the No contact method... In the 7 months that we didn't communicate with each other I worked on getting myself back to normal, and even dated but deep down I was still in love with my ex. I just basically picked up my phone and called him and we both realized that we still loved each other and we both wanted to work things out... Just give the ex some space, go to the No Contact method, and the most important thing concentrate on yourself...

[Lady Bugg]

Selfi AND HJ..........Thank you SO much for the words of wisdom..I DO aprreciate it!! I know getting "ME" back is the most crucial thing..I want to be that Happy Go Lucky girl again!!!! Before ANYthing can happen..I know that I have to be that girl again..so thank you SO much..

 

HJ..I hope you find much happiness .....best wishes to you

 

Selfi....I hope things work out for you as well!!!

[Hope75]

Congratulations!

 

There CAN be happy endings.

 

My bf and I got back together too....and we moved back in together this summer and things have been great. Sometimes you need to spend some time apart to learn about yourself and what you value, and then decide if together you want to work on a new relationship.

 

I think the key for the hopefuls is that both parties have to want it and be willing to work on it together. No matter how much one wants it, if the other person just isn't into it, it's not going to happen. We cannot carry the weight on our own.

 

The best thing we can do for ourselves when dumped or left behind to learn from the experience, take care of ourselves, and learn to love ourselves. Know that just because it didn't work out with this person, does NOT mean that we are unlovable or that we will never find happiness.

 

I truly believe that things happen for a reason, I know for my bf and I there needed to be drastic action to wake us up and help us get back on track.

 

God never closes one door without opening another. Remember that.

 

We are all special and worthy of love, and if this person isn't the one who deserves us, someone else is out there!!

[healinginnyc81]

I really needed that encouragement from HJP and Hope!! Thanks so much!

I was just wondering, what was the reason for the break up in the first place?

 

My gf broke up with me 10 days ago b/c she had lost attraction and respect for me, she said she thought I tried too hard to be cool and she had sexual attraction for other guys. We had been together for 2 and a half years and the first 2 years we were so happy and were best friends and soulmates. I am so sure that we were perfect for each other but I want to go NC, work on myself, and let her figure out if she wants me back.

Do you think I have much chance or is she definitely done wih me?

[sucker4ya]

First thing i did was go to the No contact method... In the 7 months that we didn't communicate with each other I worked on getting myself back to normal, and even dated but deep down I was still in love with my ex. I just basically picked up my phone and called him and we both realized that we still loved each other and we both wanted to work things out... Just give the ex some space, go to the No Contact method, and the most important thing concentrate on yourself...

 

 

Did he see other people during that time also? And when you broke up, did one or both of you think it was really over for good? I guess I'm just trying to get a feel for the mindset each of you were in...and how it can change with time and new experiences.

[Hope75]

My guy and I split because he wasn't real happy with the way things were going... and we both kind of ignored some big issues that were coming between us. We spent some time apart and then began dating to see what would happen since we both still loved each other. After a few months of dating we became exclusive again and then I moved back in with him 8 months after I had moved out. We've been living together again for 6 months and things have been going great.

 

It's hard to say if your girl is done with you bk, it was quite a 180 if things were going that well and then she says she does not love you and isn't happy... any clues leading up to it? Why was she not happy?

[healinginnyc81]

Hope, about two months ago I noticed that she didn't show as much affection or passion when we went on dates or kissed, etc. But when i asked about it she said it was the stress of school. I also noticed she didn't seem to be as happy around me.

The only reason I came up with though is that I have been depressed this semester b/c I had some insecurities regarding my personality being too quiet. She also did say things over the last few weeks like ' you need to spend more time with friends', and 'you try too hard to be cool' I could tell she didn't see me in as good a light as she had over the previous two years.

She told me last week she'd been thinking about leaving me for almost two months but a couple of weeks ago she told me she couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

I'm sure I have no hope of getting her back for at least a few months b/c she will remember me as the depressed guy of the last 2 or 3 months for a while, but I'm wondering if she will start remembering the man that i was for the 2 years before that. Does anybody have any similar experiences they've heard about or gone through? It's so hard for me to think she'll never want me again when we were soooo good together.

Do you think maybe after a couple months I'll stop thinking of her as perfect for me and start remembering faults that she had?

[HJP1990]

Sucker4ya,

 

Yes he did date others while we broke up... As for thinking it was over for good, we both did... Our breakup was ugly and I thought for sure that we would never get back together but as fate has it, I think the time apart was the best thing to happen for the both of us... We both changed and our relationship now is stronger and alot happier..

[octopus]

Congratulations, and thanks for posting these here.

 

I have a question, during those 7-8 months you went NC, didn't you think the other might get together with someone else and totally forget about you? I too do think the best thing for our relationship would be 5-6 months free of each other, and I fantasize that after that time when we see each other again, we'll have grown, and things will be great again. But I'm soooooooooooo worried that during that period someone else will come in the picture.

 

I guess what's meant to be, will be, ha? But thanks again for posting and keeping us informed. This forum has saved my life and mental health.

[thebeginning]

When you say "ugly" do you mean you acted unforgiveably? when mine ended i was very "ugly" to the point of crazy. he will never come back after the way i acted.

[HJP1990]

We both said some things to each other that was very hurtful.. You see I caught him cheating, but I do admit I did some things that were considered crazy like taking everything back that I bought him and other things but now I look back and I admit I was wrong but when you are hurt and angry you act out before thinking about the consequences...

[thebeginning]

and you still got back together??? wow!! i caught mine cheating as well and he told me that it wasn't cheating (huh??)...that he was finished a long time ago. even worse he was staying with me and going over to her house. i was a wreck!!!

 

how did you come to terms with everything and how long did you do NC?

[HJP1990]

It took alot of healing and forgiveness... He too told me that he wasn't cheating but then he came clean and admitted to me he was... I was extremely angry and I did hate him but as I did the NC I was able to get my life straightened up worked on healing myself both physically and mentally... I did date others but my heart went back to my ex... I decided that after a year I learned to forgive him and gave him a call... We talked through our problems and we both wanted to try again, it is hard because I had to learn to trust him again but he has proved to me that he has changed his ways... It wasn't easy trust me but he has proven to me that he loves me and I learned I can trust him completely and our relationship this time around is so much happier...