LiquidCherry Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Wether or not you parted on good terms is irrelevant in regards to NC. He ended your relationship so it really isn't a mystery. Also, no reason to feel rude about supposedly "leaving him in the dark." You don't have to think in terms of "we" anymore and have every right to think and act in ways that are in your best interest. You don't owe him anything at this point, not even an explanation. Now, if you are in NC/LC with him and he shows up unannounced at your doorstep I would first think that he is being rude. If someone broke up with me and then after a time I became stronger and stopped him from stringing me along by starting NC and then at that point they showed up at my house I'd think they had a lot of nerve. They cared little enough to end the relationship but care so much about a missed phone call that they feel like they have to check up on me? Actually, I don't see this being an issue at all BUT if it were to happen you could simply tell him at that point that you've been busy and don't wish to spend the time you do have on someone who walked away. Also, imagine how awkward it would be to see him at one of theaters after you've told him that you want to start having NC with him. It makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it! Now if you don't tell him and you happen to run into him you can briefly say hello and then continue on your own ways. Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 Many thanks for your thoughts and advice LiquidCherry, it all makes complete sense. I've not responded to his latest answerphone message and will maintain NC / LC - I've just come back from a walk and feeling pretty good at the moment! Thanks again Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 Oops, another message ;-) The walk has helped me clear my head a little; I've now realised that the "pre-NC communication" issue isn't really an issue, as my ex is intelligent enough to understand why I'm no longer in contact with him. Like you said, he ended the relationship, so NC isn't a mystery - he'll know why it's happening. Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 My only regret is that I agreed to be friends in the first place (I even actively encouraged it!): I thought I could handle being friends as we have so many common interests - it's only with the passage of time that I've realised I can't handle friendship at this moment in time... Anyways, I'll stop rambling now! Link to comment
healinginnyc81 Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 Pikey, I think you're doing great. eventually these worries will stop bothering you. Not contacting him will really give you the time you need to let all your feelings out and get yourself to be the strong independent woman you can be. I'm not saying it's going to be easy or that it's going to be a steady climb higher in self esteem. You're going to have setbacks, you're going to have random things set off a flood of memories but always keep in mind that this is just a way to "purge" your feelings for him and to get stronger. Keep us updated and good luck. Link to comment
LiquidCherry Posted December 30, 2005 Share Posted December 30, 2005 I broke up with someone and we wanted to be friends very much. He was hurting and started NC for 6 months and then, when he was ready we started a friendship and have been friends every since. (6 years now) So... It IS possible to still be friends with someone after NC, in fact, I think it is necessary on both parts so that emotions can settle. Oh, and BTW, my ex never told me that he was starting NC. He simply blocked my AIM, my email, and didn't return a phone call. I never once thought he was being rude and if I had made any kind of protest I think that would have been quite selfish on my part. I think you're doing great too. Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted December 30, 2005 Author Share Posted December 30, 2005 Thanks again LiquidCherry for the sound advice. I'll keep you posted! Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 Hello all, and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I hope you're all keeping well and that 2006 brings you lots of happiness. Well, another day, and yet another update. And I've been weak, yes, weak weak weak! ](*,) My ex kept ringing persistently last week and leaving countless messages (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday) asking me to get in touch and "hoping to hear from you soon". I caved in on Friday and rang him - he invited me on a walk near where I live and I agreed...I know, I know, I know I'd said NC!!! Anyways, he turned up at my house yesterday and we (the dogs, the ex and I) went on a nice walk. The dogs were their usual happy selves and jumped all over him (he then commented "well, it's a first date, so I won't hug them too much"). He'd also brought over a box of chocolates, a tree (he knows I have "green fingers" so had bought me a small tree and even planted it for me). I played things cool and told him (as soon as he turned up on my doorstep) that I was going out for the evening, so he left after planting the tree and giving me a big hug (he keeps initiating the hugs). He also said he'd ring soon to go out to the movies or on another walk if I wanted to. Today, I'm a bit annoyed with myself for caving in and agreeing to meet up with my ex. I have no clear idea why he keeps calling and doing nice things for me, and was too scared to ask him. One male friend called last night, and suggested my ex may be trying to see how the land lies before asking me out again (this friend knows my ex reasonably well but isn't a friend of his). My friend also suggested I should just tell my ex how I feel about him, and then go NC if the answer is negative. At least then the ex knows where I stand. Oddly enough, I don't feel low or depressed today, as I had a good time with my friends last night and still feel in control of my thoughts and feelings. Unlike a few weeks ago, I don't have any urge to contact my ex and am feeling very strong and confident. So a mixture of thoughts today! Take care y'all! Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 To all "dumpees" and everyone who's in NC / LC at the moment: I think the reason I'm feeling stronger and more confident than a few weeks ago is because I've got lots of social activities lined up for the next two months to keep me busy. I've accepted every invitation that's come my way, I've agreed to go out with friends / meet up with friends who live elsewhere in the country, and I've taken up a new hobby. My ex, conversely, has admitted that he's struggled to "get himself together" - he's had a bad cold for a few weeks and spent Xmas and New Year on his own - perversely, this has made me feel even better! So my advice is: keep yourselves busy and active - it'll be difficult at first (it was for me as my confidence was very low). However, gradually it'll get easier as your confidence returns. And confidence breeds more confidence -eventually you'll feel a WHOLE LOT BETTER! Take care and look after yourselves Link to comment
healinginnyc81 Posted January 1, 2006 Share Posted January 1, 2006 thanks Pikey, that's a great idea. I've been so worried that I would just depress everyone so I haven't been accepting any invitations to go out and have fun. You've given me motivation to start having fun again. Thanks again and I hope you've been having a lot of fun! Link to comment
Pikey1972 Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 Yes, accept those invitations, bkjsun!! Your friends are inviting you out for a reason - they want to be there for you and help you back on your feet! After all, friends don't mind if you're depressed or feeling down - that's what friends are for Like the old saying says: "the people who matter don't mind (you being low), and the people who mind don't matter" Link to comment
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