Dating someone who treats you well vs. attracted to

[ninjagirl]

I got out of an eight-year long, verbally abusive relationship over a year ago and am just edging back out onto the dating scene. The year after the breakup, I had a lot of bad luck dating. The guys I was actually interested in (about seven of them) didn't return my interest--I must have misread them, come accross as too critical/desperate, or just been picking the wrong dudes.

 

So I just met a guy who has been very sweet and seems to like me, saying all the right things, etc. (See thread below for full story of how we met). But I'm only attracted to him if he dresses a certain way, or if I've had a few drinks. Although I'm comfortable with him in some ways, I've noticed that I'm sensitive to body odors. I was totally turned off to him a couple of days ago when he wore a really ugly sweater. And although we talk just fine, we don't really talk very deeply or have much in common.

 

Do you guys ever keep dating someone because they're nice, even if you're not that attracted to them or even turned off by some of the things they do? (Dress, smells, messy room, etc.) I seem to notice that a lot of my girlfriends tend to stay in relationships if the guys are nice, and not necessarily if there's a strong chemistry...

 

I feel bad cutting it off with the guy, seeing that we've only been seeing each other a couple of weeks, and he really seems to like me.I don't want to hurt his feelings. But I hate that feeling of kissing someone you're not turned on by! Should I give it another try or nip things in the bud?

[registered]

I think you should "nip things in the bud".

 

He doesn't want to be led on.

It is unfair to him if you keep at it but have different feelings towards him than you show.

 

But I'm only attracted to him if he dresses a certain way, or if I've had a few drinks.

Translation: You are only attracted to the clothes he sometimes wears. The bit about the drinks speaks for itself, happens to anyone

If you don't feel anything for this guy then you shouldn't act to him like there is.

 

And although we talk just fine, we don't really talk very deeply or have much in common.

Well I'm sure you talk like this to many people... unless there is chemistry there isn't reason to lead someone on.

 

I feel bad cutting it off with the guy, seeing that we've only been seeing each other a couple of weeks, and he really seems to like me.

If he really likes you then it is unfair to act like you feel the same - if you keep dating him I would say that he will think that you will feel the same.

That's not fair.

 

So yeah, I think you should move on and get out there. I'm sure the perfect guy for you is just waiting to be met!

 

All the best.

[ShySoul]

It's not fair to see someone unless you are really interested in him. That would get his hopes up and it will be more devastating to him when you finally do end things. Honesty is the best policy.

[lady00]

Don't keep dating someone unless they treat you well and you feel attracted to them...gotta have both or you're just wasting your time and his time. When you meet someone who you are really into, you won't have to question it because he'll be the right combination of kind, considerate, and attractive to you. Don't settle for less.

[PocoDiablo]

I gotta agree with everyone else. You are, in a way, leading him on.

 

Irregardless of the REASONS why, you are not compatible. You don't need to tell him the reasons other than you just don't feel the spark, the chemistry, and so you're breaking up with him.

 

You'll both find someone else, but only if you are single.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Haste makes waste. The longer you wait, the more devastating the breakup will be for him. You will feel bad as well, but he will be crushed because he would've thought there was a chance. You may also lose a friend in the process.