married man flirting with me

[amgine]

Long story

 

I don't really know how to start

But here goes.

 

I go to this eating place, have become a regular customer, and know most of the staff on a casual basis.

One of the male members started to be even more friendly with me.

first thing i remember him saying to me was that he had seen me on the train. I just couldn't place him at the time.

I later learned he lived near me.

 

Anyway on further visits he would tease me and flirt with me, he seemed so likeable that i would flirt back. Sometimes i would see him on the train and on odd occasions we would walk in to our respective work places together.

 

Always asking questions about me, where i worked, where i lived etc. i would ask questions back.

 

One day through the conversations i realised he was married. I was so disappointed i can tell you. But by this time i had truly fallen for him.

 

I've tried not flirting with him (not been easy) but that only encouraged him to flirt more.

I've tried distancing myself from him, but at times we do bump into each other he asked if i was avoiding him.

 

He'd even came and sat with me on the train recently and asked if i lived alone.

Why would that matter if he's married.

[LostInMyThoughts]

He is most likely attracted to you. Some men will flirt with attractive women just to see if they still "got it." It's a confidence booster if women pay attention to them.

 

If you are wondering if you should continue your relationship; I don't think thats a good idea.

 

I don't think what you two are doing is particularly wrong, but I think it's laying the foundation for a potentially bad situation.

 

Lets say he is interested in you and decides to make the first move. You start being more than casual acquantences. Would you be comfortable being this person's side fling? He may have feelings for you, but that may not be enough to make him leave the safety of his marriage. He'll be torn between his wife, and you, and you and his wife will suffer.

 

If he does leave his marriage for you and you end up in a serious committed relationship, there is a really good chance that he will cheat on you, with someone else. Is that something you would be okay with? Unless he can confront why he wants to go outside his committed relationship, he'll find himself in the same situation over and over again.

[Relationship Coach]

Amgine,

Although this started out as harmless flirting, there is now knowingly going to be a victim involved, either you or his wife. Now that you are aware of his marital status, you must put an end to this by informing him directly that you are not comfortable sharing anything with him. Do you believe he is just being friendly or do you sense other motives behind his questions and attraction to you? How would you feel if this was your husband? That will help you to chose your next course of action. If he really pushes you for conversation, start asking him questions about his wife, where does she work, what is she like, you may even comment to him that you'd like to meet her, she sounds nice! This will certainly defuse his drive for something outside of his marriage. Good Luck!

[SeaBisquit]

don't become to involved with this guy. be flattered that he finds you attractive but let it stop there.

[justlookin]

Do not fool yourself!!!! Anytime two people of the opposite sex come into contact a relationship is started.If I was you I would ask himm if you could meet his wife and family????????

[annie24]

I would stay FAR away from this man!!!!! No good can come out of this relationship. Everyone will wind up hurting, including you and his wife and kids.

 

Tell yourself that there are single versions of men out there that are similar to him. Go find one of those single guys.

 

Good luck

[Bethany]

Think yourself very lucky that you found out before things became physical, you would have been sleeping with a cheating husband who using you for sex.

Walk away and find someone worthy of your love, not some bored loser who fancies a bit on the side.

[amgine]

Thank you for your replies

 

Relationship coach

 

 

Do you believe he is just being friendly or do you sense other motives behind his questions and attraction to you?

 

 

That's the thing i'm so confused at the whole incident. I'm hopeless at reading the signs and don't want to confuse friendliness with something else.

 

There have been times when he has done things where i wonder is it coincidence or not

 

We both caught the same train early one morning. I was talking to 2 people i know so he didn't approach me.

 

Got off the train, we both work close to each other, he saw someone he knew so was talking to him. I walked on ahead.

I need to check something from my bank account so used the ATM.

He was now walking on his own and used the next ATM.

 

I finished before him and walked on ahead. He is a quicker walker than me and soon caught up with me asked me how my run went. Something we talked about when we last talked.

 

Now was it a coincidence that he used an ATM when i did. Or is my imagination going haywire again?

 

Also when he has flirted with me (before i realised he was married he would touch me) and recently this has staryed again when he put his arm round me.

 

Again i think to myself if i'm reading too much into this.

[PocoDiablo]

Physical touching - the arm around you - indicates intimacy. He clearly is looking for an affair.

 

If I were you, I would tell him politely something like "While I do enjoy our conversations, I feel that you are being a little too forward with me. How would your wife react if she saw you with me? I do not want to be involved with causing any problems in someone else's relationship."

 

Put it this way - if the wife was sitting there, would the bahvior continue? Of course not - he won't even approach you when you are with other people.

 

This is not a coincidence in my opinion - this is him trying to make an opportunity to have sex with you. And that can only end badly.

[Relationship Coach]

The Little Devil said it best, he has breeched the friendship level and crossed over in to the "I'm going to touch you and see how you respond zone." You need to let him know how you feel about him getting too close to you physically and use the angle I posted before, ask about his wife and put his mind back where it belongs. This guy is trouble and represents nothing but heartache for you down the road.

[Lion-Guy]

Relationships end the same way they are started. If you start a relationship with a cheater, it will most likely end with him cheating on you. I am pretty sure you don't want that.

[bettyboop401]

I'm in pretty much the same situation as you. I noticed this guy who I worked with starting to flirt with me and, being attracted to him, I flirted back. The first few times we talked I did the 'check for a ring' test and he didn't have one so I proceeded to flirt more intensely. Then all of a sudden I noticed a ring one day. He saw me looking and the next time I saw him it had swapped hands. I was confused, but was starting to really like him so I made an excuse for the ring changing hands and re-appearing. People around me were telling me he wasn't married and I believed them. I let myself fall for him and then one day I found out for sure he was married. Usually I let them go if they're dating, but I'd gone too far. I couldn't stop thinking about him and what it would be like to be with him. However I couldn't live with a man who would do that to someone he's made a committment of love to. I distanced myself, kept my conversations with him short and read a lovely book called 'he's just not that into you' which kicked my senses back into gear. It takes time yes, but you will be able to stop thinking about him and move on, and he'll do the same.

 

Sorry for the long windedness...just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

 

Hope all is going well!

 

Betty!

[amgine]

Thank you once again for all your imput

 

Betty - i'm glad i don't work with this guy, that could of been awful seeing him most days of the week. And working in close proximity with him.

 

And yes i fell hard for him before i realised his status if i had realised earlier it might be so easier to cope with.

Hope you are coping too.

 

At the moment i'm ok guess i have to live day by day, and deal with the times we do accidentally meet.

[amgine]

Saw him again the other day.

 

Just general talking in passing.

Called me sweetheart as he seems to be doing of late.

But shrugged that off, was friendly but did not flirt with him

As i was leaving a friend i was with had to use the ladies, so i was on my own briefly packing up my stuff and he walked by and winked at me. Now that's something he has never done before.

 

I had my hands full presents from work and from my friend i was with and he came up to me and put his hand on my shoulder so he was facing me. He wished me a Merry Christmas and off i went.

 

 

Now was the wink just a guy thing to do because sometimes i have read too much into situations, or is it something i should be worried about.