Being Approachable

[Prenkle]

I've had a few people tell me I seem intimidating and thus hard to approach. I don't really understand. I'm a friendly person and I smile a lot. So what am I not doing?

 

How does one appear more approachable???

[ocrob]

You just may be very attractive and quiet. It's ok, if I am ever in Nebraska I will say hello. lol No, seriously, people that seem quiet seem to get misunderstood. I used to be very shy and everyone thought I was stuck up. Don't worry about it and just be yourself. I am sure once people get to know you they will think you are wonderful.

 

ocrob

[smallworld]

Hi Prenkle, Welcome to Enot! Hmmm... Before I take any criticism seriously, I look at who's doing the criticizing. Are you sure those who say they're intimidated by you have your best interests at heart? Why and in what context did these different people say these things to you?

 

Assuming that they told you these things for your own well-being, it's hard to say why others might find you unapproachable based on what you've said. Have you been down lately? Do you have a tendency to be shy? introverted? Is it possible that you don't smile and seem as approachable as you think? Ask family and trusted friends to be your "mirror." They're probably the ones who can best tell you how you appear to others. Good luck!

[registered]

If those people are right and you are unapproachable it is probably a matter of how you feel.

 

Unless you are actually happy people will very easily be able to pick up on someone who pretends or just tries their best to be happy.

Smiling is one thing, but smiling without trying is another. You can force a smile but it will be telling...your eyes (and the rest of you for that matter) won't smile unless you are really actually happy.

 

If people pick up on the fact that maybe you aren't feeling the best you cannot expect compassion or sympathy. Most people will simply leave you alone.

 

Most people who are left alone and people find unapproachable usually are nice friendly people - once people can get to know you they will realise this.

If you can be truly happy in life people will find it very easy to approach you.

[sweetheart230]

two words: eye contact.

 

I realized something last night. Lots of guys like me when I've been drinking even though when I'm sober I'm the most unapproachable person you're likely to meet (I've been told I look like I will absolutely reject, if not kill, any guy who even looks at me). So I analyzed what made guys approach me and be interested in me. It was the following: LOTS and LOTS of smiling, an obscene amount of laughing (I was drunk so it was genuine laughter, not phony), teasing, light touching, and EYE CONTACT, EYE CONTACT, EYE CONTACT! I didn't have to come on to any guy or pursue him at all. They just came to me because I looked easygoing and happy. hope that helps.

[Serendipity1607307077]

It must be your body language...

 

Do you feel 'closed up' whenever you are meeting new people, and then 'open up' when you are familiar with them?

 

I think I have a similar problem, especially when I was at school, where people thought I was unapproachable, and this is because I don't really trust people until I get used to them and familiar with them...

 

Project yourself outwardly with more confidence and I am sure more people will approach you

[walkingwithaghost]

if you smile a lot you're approachable. you prolly are percieved by others differently than how you percieve yourself. ask your friends (who are honest) what they think.. but if u smile that def makes ppl think ur nice and not unapproachable

[walkingwithaghost]

smile and talk a lot about anything. that makes ppl like u.

[lost_status]

Yep, I agree with everyone. Smile and have eye contact. Eye contact lets the other person know your intrested

 

Good luck!

[Belle]

Prenkle,

 

It sounds like you have part of the equation. If you are very attractive, you are going to have to emanate warmth, vulnerability and friendliness at the same time. This can be tough, but this is what I'm learning since the good guys stare but are too scared to ask me out. It also requires a bit of self confidence. If you've already got the smile going, you're halfway there.

 

Good luck,

 

Belle

[jordan_2]

two words: eye contact.

 

I realized something last night. Lots of guys like me when I've been drinking even though when I'm sober I'm the most unapproachable person you're likely to meet (I've been told I look like I will absolutely reject, if not kill, any guy who even looks at me). So I analyzed what made guys approach me and be interested in me. It was the following: LOTS and LOTS of smiling, an obscene amount of laughing (I was drunk so it was genuine laughter, not phony), teasing, light touching, and EYE CONTACT, EYE CONTACT, EYE CONTACT! I didn't have to come on to any guy or pursue him at all. They just came to me because I looked easygoing and happy. hope that helps.

 

 

lol just be careful how much you drink...ya never know how much eye contact you've given the guy

[desirablenikki07]

Well.. i kinda have the same problem .. i look unaproachable to people i guess..exept my really close friends..i dont find myself "attractive" my friends say i am.. but their friends they have no choice to say that I look like Emily The Strange haha last time i was just waiting after school and EVERYONE stares its VERY annoying!Especially when the GIRLS stare i can hear them whispering things about me and its kinda mean i dont know what their problem is i dont even KNOW them!Last time this kid came up to me and hes like GET A TAN U LOOK LIKE A F*CKING GHOST! and he started telling me i have a bad attitude ! and that i look mean and that im all snobby and stuff..which is NOT true..im always laughing and hyper and smiling i dont know what the hell his problem is !!!!!!!! i dont even know who he is he just came randomly up to me and told me that ... what the hell!? he always bothers me at school ALOT and this other kid did the same thing to me last time too..im a nice person i dont deserve this!But anyways..i like making new friends and stuff im a really happy person ..i have long black hair and i wear black all the time peope think im a "goth" and all that..im sure they probably say "omg shes so weird" when they see me..i hate it when people judge a book by it's cover!No one approaches me cause im "scary" thats what i thinkkkk!