Need the advice of a girl

[mbaran79]

 

I was just broken up with my girlfriend of 2 years. We lived together in college and she still has a year to go while I have graduated. 3 months ago we were planning on getting married next year. I did everything for her. I always tried to give her the best and be there for her 100% Since then she had developed some new friends and things had gone downhill since then. These new friends have been coming out of the closet and breaking up with thier boyfriends for eachother. Since she made these friends she started paying less attention to me. I asked her if she was having feelings like them a couple of times and she said no way. Things continued to go downhill and she became less and less loving and more unresponsive to the things i would say to her. Now last sunday she told me that she doesnt know what she wants and she just wants to be alone for awhile. She said that she still loves me (although she stopped wearing her promise ring) but just cant be with me right now and doesnt know if she ever will. She says that I will be the best person for her ever but cant give me what i need right now to be happy.

I guess my question is that if she wants space, the best thing i should do is probably give it to her. So i havent called or emailed her in a couple days. With as much as we had in the past, should I expect her to change her mind if she sees that I have grown into a stronger person and given her what she wants by letting her have her space? I dont think that constantly bugging her will make myself more attractive to her and make her want to get back with me...but maybe im wrong. I know she is having a hard time with this as well and I do not think there is another guy in the picture at this point. If there is anyone out there that has gone through a smilar situation or any females that have been in simlar shoes as her could you please enlighten me and let me know what to expect. I apprecitae all advice that can be given.

 

Thanks,

 

Matt

[segagirl]

You are right on, give her the space. Just be sure to touch base and remind her you still love her.

This situation happens to people over and over. The "I need space" line is code for "There is something happening here (either feelings or actions) that I don't want to tell you about". This turns out many ways....no telling. (sorry). the best you can do is honor her feelings, continue to be in the background letting her know she can always talk to you and will be supported by you. Just don't get into the trap of being walked on. Know your limits and boundaries and don't go running every time she calls.

[mbaran79]

Thats encouraging yet discouraging at the same time. Do you think I should not contact her period for a couple weeks or possibly send her a note here and there just saying that I love you?

[segagirl]

Sorry my posts tend to be that way....lol

Depends on the guidelines the two of you already set. If you have not set them, then yes do so. She should be exact with you about what her expectations are, and what she is ok with....as well as what you are ok with. If this is truly just time away, the two of you should be able to talk about these things. If it was a break, as in break up all around....then just wait a few weeks and touch base with her.

[mbaran79]

Well, its been 3 days since I have had any contact with her. I am actualy starting to enjoy single life a bit and in a way i do think that this break is the best thing for both of us. However she hasnt contact me and her friends say that she is pretty set in what she is doing and sees more and more that we probably wont get back together. She wanted 7 days with no contact but its only been 3. Should I email her and tell her that I think this has been good for us so to try and salvage a friendship? Or just give her the week and see what happens? What are the chances that she will miss me?

 

Trying but its hard sometimes,

Matt

[segagirl]

Hi there, glad you are feeling a little better! I do not think you should contact her just yet, give it a week and then see if she calls you. If not drop her a line and say hi. I dont think the I want to be friends speech should be given just yet. First it may backfire if she does miss you, and second you must take time in order to heal before you can actually be real friends...being a friend means accepting them and whatever they do...are you ready to hear about all the fun she has without you? no.

And lastly dont listen to her friends....who knows what she tells them and what they think she tells them.

[mbaran79]

Thanks so much. Youve been a great giver of advice