no calls for a week after sex...

[eden420]

i had sex with this guy twice, the first time was unexpected cause it was the first time that i really hungout with him. when i was about to go home, he told me he wanted to get to know me better, and he likes me etc..and that we should hangout soon... i get no calls for 6 days, we didnt exchange numbers, so after 6 days i finally just asked a friend for his number. and i called him and we hungout the next day.. i ended up sleepin over at this house.. when we woke up it was awkward as hell. he didnt say much, he just said take care and i left.

 

i dont know what to do, i feel like im already attached to him, and i do want more than just friends with benefits or whatever we are.. but i dont want to feel vulnerable by telling him i do want to be with him, and end up being rejected. he hasnt called in a week after i slept at his house, and i dont know if i should call him and tell him what i really feel, or just let it go and wait for him to call me or contact me in any way..

[Kimmikazi]

i dont know what to do, i feel like im already attached to him, and i do want more than just friends with benefits or whatever we are..QUOTE]

 

Well well...not to sound too harsh here...but he IS a guy..This is the typical guy move, all of us girls hear while we mature and grow up. There will be no attatchment from this point on, unless something mysterically comes over him...and you mentioned "friends with benifits"...this doesn't even seem to be that case, for the simple fact that there's not really any sort of friendsship or understanding going on here. You kind of, in a way showed him that you're the type to give it up easily...very easily...which any guy is out there to get...you gave him no time to see what else you have to offer, and well...now it's too late.. Let things be, and if he calls you...maybe act more as though you are friends than to show him you want to be "fck buddies"...it's up to you..but try to keep your morals a little higher..if you expect to keep men coming around and staying.

[SexySadie7]

I'm going thru something similar Eden, so I can feel your pain.

I went out with this guy and against my better judgement, had sex with him rather soon too.. The next day after sleeping with him I get an IM message, friendly.. and so on.. but he's not called me either since we slept together, has broken at least 2 promises to get together, not called like 3 times at least when he said he would and it's been 3 weeks since I saw him last.

I don't know what to tell you... you could call him and see where you stand... but I think sometimes... and i hate to say this... some life lessons are hard earned.

I think that though we want to believe there's no double standard anymore.. in these guy's minds there still is. If you sleep with them too soon, they think you are "easy". Course, never mind the fact, that they are easy too, or they wouldn't be asking you to sleep with them so soon.

Well.. i doubt this is much help to you, other than to know that other girls go thru the same thing alot of times when we sleep with guys we don't know well.. We don't really know how they will react.

I'm still debating myself whether to let it go.. or write him some nasty e-mail telling him what i think of guys who play these stupid headgames.

you can PM me if you like..

I know one thing, i really feel rejected and stupid now, regardless of how much i wanted to sleep with him to start.

It's sad that some men have to treat women like this.

[lifeiscash]

Coming from a guys point of view, I'll let you in on what is going on from his angle. First off, its not that we want to be truly rude to the girl that we first met and had sex with. It's just that there is NO excitement and interest usually after you have had sex with a girl you just met. In other words, the attraction totally decreases. Once we have a girl that we first meet and we have sex with her, in most cases, you have given yourself up.. there is nothing else to offer and we move on because we feel like we already know you and there is nothing else you could give us. We do this, however, blindly to ourselves, subconsciously. Men like some sort of challenge, they don't want that challenge unatainable nor do they want the challenge way to easy. In your position, there was really no challenge in what you offered about yourself because you easily had sex with him and guys take advantage of that, then exploit it because it doesn't interest us anymore.

 

You can blame men all you want and all your life, but even if you don't agree with how we view that, We do it without even meaning to. Iv'e been in several positions when I have had sex with a girl I was interested in and then we have sex so suddenly and "bam" my attraction went away for her. We don't choose to lose it, it just happens because you can't offer much of anything else and we own the whole scenario (or this is how we think).

 

Also, I believe that having sex with guys so early, like in this situation, has increased your emotions for him and how you view him. If you didn't have sex with him you wouldn't have put yourself in this stressful situation and it could have probably lead to a more better outcome. Usually with men, unlike women.. we are REALLY attracted with a girl, or we are NOT. There is little inbetween. Take this as a sign and learn from it, he controls what he wants to do with your situation and you because you offered everything you could give him early on without even knowing how he was really like. Chances are its not going to work out the way you wanted to, but if you learn from your mistake it will most likely help you in the future.

 

Good Luck

[rachelb]

I have to agree with lifeiscash. My best guy friend always tells me not to have sex too soon because guys can separate emotions and sex, whereas girls get emotionally attached after sex. I'm sorry to be so brutally honest, but that's the truth. It is about the challenge in a way, and seeing how far a girl will give in on the first few dates. If she does have sex, the interest decreases b/c there's nothing to chase and there's no mystery left. I know it's really painful and he's a jerk for doing that for you, but you do learn from experience and become stronger. I doubt he wants to go into something serious, I think he just viewed it as sex otherwise he would have called and you're way way way better than waiting for a guy who doesn't call after sex.

[RayKay]

I agree with what lifeiscash has said to great degree.

 

Bottom line is that sex was rushed, before there was ever a buildup of a relationship and a connection between you. You are now feeling an attachment to someone you hung out with twice, because of this sex (which you might not have otherwise, because how could you to someone whom seems to ignore you for all intents and purposes?) but he is not, as he has separated the sex, from the emotions. This is displayed by the awkwardness. My guess is that he realized that he is not as into you as after all, or he realized beyond sex, there may not be much compatibility there.

 

There is nothing wrong with having sex early, if there are no expectations on it from either side and you are not doing it to "create" a relationship. The fact is, if you want a committed relationship with someone, having sex before that is established is a bad idea. That way, even if things don't end up going in to a committed direction, you will have at least not found yourself in this situation again where you want more then he does, yet you are still sleeping with him.

 

The fact is, that there may not have been the recipe for a great relationship between you to begin with, but you created it falsely in your own mind now with the sex, and now it hurts as he realizes he does not really want any more.

 

Don't call him, honestly, let it go. Don't force something that is not there. But do take this as a hard lesson to learn, and learn from it.

[roxy79]

My question to everyone is then... how long SHOULD you wait to sleep with someone you are getting to know/dating? I've known people to sleep with the person they are interested in 2 weeks after meeting them... they are now getting married. But I've also heard from friends that if you sleep with someone too soon, they lose respect and interest. What does everyone think? what's right? What's wrong?

[RayKay]

My question to everyone is then... how long SHOULD you wait to sleep with someone you are getting to know/dating? I've known people to sleep with the person they are interested in 2 weeks after meeting them... they are now getting married. But I've also heard from friends that if you sleep with someone too soon, they lose respect and interest. What does everyone think? what's right? What's wrong?

 

Well sure, some who sleep together early turn out well, but it's not the sex that did it! I have had sex early too, and it turned out well...but it was done without expectations on other side of a relationship, and it we worked out because we as a couple were just compatible and right together. It's not something that is good to do if you definitely are wanting something serious since you don't know what page they are on. Sex too early can also often blind people to red flags, the good feelings from sex are there, and we ignore things we should not...

 

I think *ideally* if you want a commitment, wait until you are both exclusive to one another, and have discussed that exclusivity and a relationship is established between you. Respect won't be lost if you waited until you cared/loved one another. In my opinion you can't go wrong in waiting until there is a commitment there.

[Belle]

how long SHOULD you wait to sleep with someone you are getting to know/dating?

 

I once slept with a guy entirely too soon, 2-3 weeks into dating. Fortunately, he was a really good guy and we were extremely compatible so it worked out. I do not recommend it however. I believe he was the exception to the rule.

 

I make 'em wait a couple of months. Yes, you read correctly. Those that really wanted to get to know me stuck around. And I have had very few that couldn't wait.

 

You can't put the horse before the cart. You can't expect a guy to care about you if he doesn't yet respect you. You have to be a person first, a warm body afterwards. I didn't make the rules and I'm not saying men aren't obtuse about it. But that's just the way it is.

[Kimmikazi]

Yep..10000000%...I think it's that way for men and women...If I were to ever sleep with some guy that I haven't already built a relationship out of....what would be left? That moment is like finalization of something...it's SO meaningful to just give to anyone...wait til you find someone WORTH it.

Coming from a guys point of view, I'll let you in on what is going on from his angle. First off, its not that we want to be truly rude to the girl that we first met and had sex with. It's just that there is NO excitement and interest usually after you have had sex with a girl you just met. In other words, the attraction totally decreases.