How to say no...

[kristo]

Hi Guy's,

 

I need some advice.

 

As some of you know, I've recently been side lined by this girl that I was seeing. She wasn't honest with me and let me know by being passive aggressive, making false promises, leading me on, etc, etc. I was in turmoil for a while, but I'm healing very nicely now. Looking at my situation and others has further confirmed to me that being honest and upfront with people is the only way to go.

 

Ok... My friends and I went out last Saturday and we met some girls. They ended up coming back to ours, we partied a bit more and then went to bed. One of the girls I was with ended up sleeping in my bed. We fooled around, but did NOT have sex with each other. She said that we couldn't have sex because she was on her period. Just to make things clear, I replied that I did NOT expect to sleep with her, as we had just met.

 

Anyway, yesterday she sent me a message saying that she wanted to meet me today. I've been ill the past couple of days and I said "I would get back to you". I'm still feeling sick today and I said to her maybe we could meet another time. She sends me a message back straight away wondering if she can play nursemaid for me tomorrow night after this concert that's taking place around the corner from where I live .

 

To tell you the truth, I'm not into her at all, but was thinking that maybe we could be friends, as she is pretty cool. Originally, I was hoping that we could meet for a coffee next week and I could tell her this in person, but this last text message really accelerated things.

 

I'm one for being honest and I don't want to shoot her down if you know what I mean. Her last 'boyfriend' of 3 months turned out to be this married guy with a child and her self esteem took a big blow. I think this 'meeting' that we had was good for both of us, as it showed that we are both still desirable to a certain extent.

 

How do I tell her that I'm not interested in taking things further without hurting her ego? Is it ok to do it by text message or shall I say that we should leave things till next week and then tell her. Ok, I've only just met this girl and have no emotional investment in her, but I want to do the right thing.

 

Cheers,

 

K

[kellbell]

Hi there!

 

I would tell it to her face you are just not interested. She is going to get hurt but you continue on it's going hurt more in the long run. Be honest, firm, and compassionate. Take care and good luck.

[chai714]

This woman wants to take care of you when your'e sick and you don't want to give her a shot?

 

Ok, if you really don't want to be with her (and "just friends"), then be just that. Don't send the right body language signs, limit the time you spend with her (in person), tell her about your problems, ask her for advice, and do the things that "only friends" do.

 

My theory on being friends with the opposite sex is this: you must have a physically distant friendship. Talking on the phone is fine. Seeing them and hanging out with them is another thing. Limit seeing them in person. So, if you can do this with her than do it. I don't see the need to announce it though.

[kristo]

Hi guys,

 

Thanks for the advice KellBell. I’ve just sent her a message saying that although tomorrow sounds tempting, lets meet for a coffee next week instead.

 

Chai... thanks for your input too. I do have females as friends and I don’t tend to differentiate or treat them differently from my male friends. It's worked fine for me up to now. This situation threw me a bit, because she was really, really keen, my dating skills are rusty and I could see this potentially developing into something that would inevitably end in tears....fast.

 

On the other hand, I do think it needs to announced in this case. I think it’s best to be clear and unambiguous than having her rely on false hope and 'hoping' that she will be able to read between the lines eventually. I've been on the receiving end of false hope and vagueness and it's not a nice feeling when it all becomes clear down the road.

 

Cheers,

 

K