man that hurt bad

[QTpie87]

I can't tell anyone here how bad I hurt right now, I've never felt this kind of pain. People I've loved have said things to me before that I have to admitt have really really effected me and hurt but nothing as much as tonight. One of my best friends told me he hated me. I know it might sound silly, but I love this person more then anyone on the planet right now and to hear that come out of his mouth just kills me.

 

You didn't really mean it-----

 

How can you say such unkind words?

there's already enough hate in this world.

You said you wanted to stay friends forever, nothing would take you away.

It took just one night, You saved my life, you changed me.

How could you hug me like that and then say you hate me?

No words have ever hurt this much.

I've been told to go to hell, go kill myself, but none could cut so deep as these words tonight.

Live with this pain or die, I choose death.

I lost one of my best friends, my brother, I hoped someday you'd be my lover.

please say this will all go away, tell me you didn't mean it.

I won't take my own life, I wouldn't do it, I'll die of a broken heart.

You can't feel how much it hurt me.

I care for you so much, please god don't just leave me.

You told me you cared, looked me in the eyes and swore you'd always be there.

with out your love and friendship, I'm nothing, im hurt and lost, my soul just wont be there.

[ShySoul]

It's not silly to love someone so deeply, it is how you feel and its not wrong. The pain of someone saying that to you, someone who you care for with all your heart and have exposed your soul to, putting yourself on the line.... it can be unbearable. How can someone go from loving you to ripping your heart out? I don't understand it either.

 

You'll feel sorrow, lost, pain. You'll feel dead inside. But there is hope, there is a rainbow after the rain. It might take time to see it, I'm still struggling with that myself. But it is there. And we can't lose sight of it, can't give in to the pain.

 

Hope things get better for you QTpie87.

[neva_black_n_white]

Im on similar ground, someone i love walked out of my life and i couldnt understand why when he said "i felt like the cruelest person in the world" whilst doing it.. I couldnt understand, it contradicted everything else he said .. how he hated me and didnt appreciate me and how hed been so affected by me. Yet at the same time, he was saying how id made him confident and how much he cared. I didnt understand. I think about him everyday and its hard when you see him get on the bus and theres only a glance (sometimes you know theres care and regret in his eyes) but ive also kinda sussed out why it happened or atleast convinced myself theres good. I guess all youve got to think is that it makes them happy, dont even try to stem any further (im really analytical i could go for days being negative or positive, id just stem off BUT dont!) sometimes space is a virtue. I always think to myself "why not nip over, give him a call" but you have to stop yourself, they come to you if they want to see you. Its VERY hard, i know, but its the only thing that can be done. Im genuinely not just saying it, he came round the other day, just to see me and say a few things. Theres no point forcing something because you never feel any better afterwards. Everything just appears false.

 

You WILL be ok, the shock hit me hard, then you begin to forget, then you unforget and regret and after that probably become more emotional but youll eventually see the light. I went through a roller coaster of emotions. That and not knowing how to feel. When you loose something you can honestly say you "love" your always going to be affected but atleast you had the chance to love them even if it was taken away.

 

anyway ive rambled, if you want to carry on chatting, you know where im at mrs. bye x

[ShySoul]

neva_black_n_white, sorry you have experienced that. When someone you love, who admits to thinking the world of you, hurts you and leaves it feels like the world is falling apart. It's not easy.

 

But I wonder what is worse... Is it them saying they hate you and thus contradicting everything they said before? Or is it them still saying they love you and not giving a reason why, so you still feel like you should be together because everything still seems perfect?

 

And what if you never forget? What if it still burns in you every single day, hitting you at any time?

 

I guess you have to have faith that it does get better, that it heals in time. But how long does it take?

[neva_black_n_white]

Yeah, the world "appears" to fall apart, but it doesnt. He was my foundation but i held it together (the glue i guess). Its hard when your world is around that person, everything they say and do (not because you have to but because you love to) and when thats taken away by a light thought or a "whats it matter" kind of feeling. It cuts deep and hard but it heals.

 

The worst thing is knowing that they care. Ironic huh. I want him to come back, thus showing care, but its because he cares and he doesnt; thats what hurts. If all ties are cut then youve got it easy, you can change, but when theres a string still holding on from both ends, yet, just about to snap from the pull of one side, thats painful. Thats what hurts. Thats what grabs you.

 

I know what your saying ShySoul. Its the loving with no explanation. People dont understand why i could still talk for hours on end about how amazing he is whilst being hurt ALL the time. Scary huh. Its NOT a bad thing though, if you love someone thats how it is, whether they do or dont love you back.

[neva_black_n_white]

(sorry my computer went a tad dodgey)

 

You think the same way i do, about how time could heal but exactly how long does it take, its a mixture between pessimistic and optimistic *smiles*. Only time changes, you can heal and wounds can be open again. I know when something hits home for me i reflect a whole lot.

 

BUT anyway, this post isnt about me.

 

I wouldnt regret what was there, theres time for it to come back!

Did you ever see the programme with the line:

"I searched my entire life to find true love, BUT, i never expected that they wouldnt love me back". I think that speaks thousands of words. It shows dedication, but also shows loss, dont hold yourself back or limit yourself, thrive for even more. Your worth it! Find someone who LOVES you, ok?

 

kell.