making mistakes

[dirtbubble]

I can't concentrate on what I am supposed to be doing because I am terrified of the consequences of all my mistakes. Don't tell me I haven't forgiven myself. It's my world that hasn't forgiven me. That happens you know, people do get crushed by their stupid mistakes. Whether it's trusting the wrong the person, or not looking before crossing the street, or trying to get away with some little crime you saw someone else get away with. Whatever. Bad things do happen to good people.

 

I think I'm good anyway. I made some mistakes, but I never wanted to hurt anyone. I got into trouble and I didn't know how to deal with it, some people are disappointed with me, I let them down, but that doesn't make me someone who ought to suffer for decades. I didn't beat, rob, rape, slander or murder. I didn't go to bed with anyone's wife or pass any diseases to anyone or tell my child terrible things. I broke a heart or two. So what - my heart was broken a few times and I never called the breaker a criminal. That's just the way it goes.

 

I'm not telling you this because I want your pity. It's just that I can't get the things done that I need to get done because I have to be able to concentrate - and to concentrate I need to get my mind off all the problems I am facing today.

 

I made another mistake just last week and it went to print and I am just waiting for the angry people to come back to me.

 

Because of this I am anticipating losing days off my life arguing with my wife, defending my own considerable human worth. I anticipate the president of my own company again telling me I am good for nothing. I anticipate that my long awaited vacation will turn to hell. All because of a sixteeenth of an inch.

 

If I don't get finished what I need to get finished it will be another terrible mistake and I will lose lose lose... I am tired of this work anyway and I don't want to do it any more.

 

I think about ending my life every day. I won't of course, but what will happen to me then? I am afraid and alone and I have no one to express these thoughts to. If you pray for me that will perhaps be helpful.

[jurupa]

I think your problem with your fear of making mistakes is that you are not learning from them. You instead turn to your world and just wait for someone to "attack" you. I bet you if you just stop for a moment and look at what you did worng and see what was the best way to handle the mistake and learn from it you will be much better.

 

Also don't be afraid of making mistakes, that is apart of life. I know I have made a ton of mistakes, but I learn from them and contuine on with life. Just becuase I made a mistake doesn't mean people will come after me. Ya people have gotten mad at me for my mistake, but when it happens it happens.

[dirtbubble]

Ah jeeze you figured me out. Well thanks everybody for all your prayers. I been cured! Good luck getting your exes back.

[jurupa]

lol, I am glad that I cured you.