6 months since breakup-STILL grieving

[DED19]

My ex dumped me 6 months ago after being together in a loving relationship for 2 years. We had a great relationship. She left me simply because she was young and wanted to see what else was out there. I have been hurt ever since and have not been able to get over it. I have met new people and friends, but all that seems to do is offer a temporary distraction. I still have deep feelings for her and don't see how I will ever get over her. I have only seen her a few times in the past few months and we don't talk too much. When does the pain end?

[butterflycloud]

Sorry to hear about what you are going through.

 

I hate to say it, and hate to hear it even more, but the painful feelings take time to pass.

 

Perhaps you should spend a few hours reading through the 'healing after a break-up forum'- you'll be amazed how helpful that can be.

 

Have you tried to get her back at all?

[Bethany]

It doesn't end, it fades. It fades into something more manageable and then into just a memory, and eventually it fades into nothing as you continue to get on with your life.

Use these distractions well as they give you respite from your suffering, and give your nervous system, and your heart and mind a chance to heal. Time is the answer to all suffering.

[Hawk]

Bethany - that's a really good description about how you move through it and helps to understand that it doesn't just "end" and to work through it and know that over time it will fade into insignificance.

[DED19]

Except for the initial breakup, it seems that the longer I've been away from her, the more I miss her and everything we had. I wish it was the other way around. The idea of never being with her again makes me feel so empty. I go out and meet new people, some girls, and have plenty of outside activities, but nothing will fill that huge void. I don't even feel like doing any of these things and the depression I've gone through has really affected my attitude towards other things, like school, which I am doing very poorly with now. Although it sounds awful, I almost wish I had never met her in the first place. I don't know if all the joy the relationship brought me is really worth all the suffering I've gone through since the breakup. I know this will affect my future relationships as well and will be very careful not to open myself up emotionally to other people.

[Relationship Coach]

DED,

What you are going through is very normal, unfortunate but normal. There are stages that you will drift through as the healing process begins. You will heal, move on and give yourself to someone else. It may not be today, tomorrow or months from now but you will heal. You will get angry with her and even hate her for how she hurt you. I'm not sure how young she is, you're 20 so whether you want to hear it or not, she probably did you a favor. At her age she should see what else is out there. If she is feeling that way, why would you want to be in a relationship with her. She sounds fickled.

 

Yes, the pain of not being with her or the pain of her being with someone else will be greater than you can imagine but as more time passes you will grow stronger. You are doing the right thing whether you realized it or not, heal yourself before bringing someone else in to your life. Don't let this relationship ruin your chances of having a happy relationship in the future. That would not be fair to you or your future partner.

 

As for your schooling, get it together! Throwing away your education because this girl is a HUGE mistake. People every day are faced with adversity in life, how they face it shows what they are made of. I'd put money on you coming out of this like a champ!