Does he still love me or is he retarded?

[daytimegirl]

Ok here it goes,

 

I was with my ex bf for 2 1/2 years. I broke up with him because I depended on him for everything and I wanted to be independent, travel the world. We've broken up 2 times but they usually lasted only a few days. This time I left the country for a few months. He flew me home once. I gave him a few very important lovey things of mine to hold till I got home, (love letters he wrote to me about 50 or so). He said that he would. Then he met another girl 3 weeks later and we had a fight.

 

Fast frame to now.

 

His friends are all really nice to me. I've spoken to him on the phone and he told me he still had my things. He made a date with me but cancelled last minute. He wont return my things, even though he says he has them.

 

Ok, he changed his phone # BUT he phoned me WITHOUT BLOCKING THE NEW NUMBER so I would have it on caller ID. He broke up with that girl but called me and asked me why I was calling her. There is no way of me even knowing who she is and he knows this. I would never do that! He knows this and I told him just that. I got drunk one night and sent him an email telling him that he was acting like an ass. I explained why I left him. I know that I hurt him and we have been through a lot but I really miss him. I haven't emailed him or let on that I know the # has been changed. We havent spoke for about 3 weeks.

I'm doing my best not to loose my mind. He knows how to drive me nuts and I think he's trying to make me freak out.

 

These are my top stress starters.

1) He started dating a girl 3 weeks after he flew me home the last time.

2) He said it was because he didn't think I would come back.

3) He kept all the love letters, photos of us dried flowers for me. For 8 months.

4)He says that he still has them.

5) He wont give the stuff back to me.

6)He broke up with the girl.

7)His friends are all really nice to me and go out of their way to talk to me.

8)He made a date with me then cancelled at the last minute. When I got irritated he sounded pissed off.

9)He changed his number shortly after I came home. He called me to talk about something totally retarded,(me phoning his ex)so his new # would be on my call display.

10, When I sent him an email saying that I wasnt going to chase him anymore and I gave up. Thats when he phoned to irritate me.

 

Is this punishment for me leaving him? What should I do? Why wont he return my love chest?

[segagirl]

Before I even start, I have to say it. Please choose wisely how you use your words(the title of the post), that can be hurtful to some...and is quite unneccassary. Use terms that reflect actions, or your own feelings.

ok stress:

1) rebound, happens all the time- dont think twice about it

2) maybe true, agian rebound

3)sweet of him, holding on to old memories and feeling...though i have stuff thats like 10 years old. Im a sap that way. In your case I assume its quite normal for him to have attachment to the way he feels for you.

4) They still hold comfort or good memories for him, agian sweet.

5)why would he? let him keep the stuff...dont hold that as a reason to keep in touch.

6)she was a rebound, not surprised

7)You are a nice girl, regardless of your conflicts with the guy...the friends will treat you right if you deserve to be

8)was there good reason? did he make another date? If not he is avoiding you...could be out of not knowing how to feel.

9) there is that word agian..yuck. ok...people change numbers all the time, he wanted to talk to you and its all he could think of as an excuse...he is trying to get a rise out of you.

10) well of course, and if you really want to be done with someone you dont email them that info, just do it. I have a feeling you were looking for a reaction.

My thoughts, admit you are crazy about him and talk.

[daytimegirl]

Sorry about that word.

 

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.

 

The things that he has are mine. I put them in a box and asked him to keep them till I came back. The box contains our whole relationship type of stuff. When he cancelled our meeting it was because he wanted to hang out with his friends.

 

I did email him because I wanted him to know how angry and hurt he had made me. I did email him for a reaction.

 

I dont want to look like a nutty ex girlfriend by emailing him anymore. When he phoned I deleted this number so that I wouldn't call him being sappy. Now I really dont have it.

 

If the majority of the forum thinks i should email him one more time I will. Thank you for the great advice.

[segagirl]

not sure what type of response you will get...late here in the states...lol

But I think that you are indeed having some conflicts with letting go as well. I really think you should let the box of goods go for now, lets assume he actually has it...then its his way of staying a little close. You will get it back someday, if not at least its with the man himself.

And as for emailing him again...what for? I am not all that sure of where you stand with him now...but sounds like either you see him face to face and try to make amends, or cut the losses and let it go. email.....great for friends and silly stuff,,,,useless for real expression.

[faeriechyld]

Ok, I am totally with you on the you want your stuff back feeling. My ex, who by the way I broke up with about 2 years ago, STILL has a bag full of stuff from our relationship that he is like holding on to. The reason it bothers me so much is because he hasn't moved on yet!!! And I think that may be one of the reasons why. I don't want the stuff back(except for a book I had been writing that I let him read and still have not received back) I just want him to let go of it. I mean, he takes it out every once in a while to pour over the memories and I just don't think it's helping him to heal. Because every single time we run into each other or anything, he is still wanting to get back with me. And I stress again, it's been 2 years!

If the stuff is yours, you are entitled to it and he should return it. Though, speaking from experience, don't be surprised if you never see it again. As far as the rest of the issues you brought up, you seem as though you want to be with him. But I'm not sure because to be honest, I'm not sure what you want advice on. If all of these mind games that he is playing with you are bothering you because you want to be with him, then my suggestion is to go to him and straight up tell him that. If they are bothering you because you don't want anything to do with him, except that you want your stuff back, do a face to face confrontation, tell him to grow up and walk away(with your stuff hopefully). Don't know if this helped or not.

[princepesa2]

I know exactly what you mean. My ex broke up with me and moved out of our apartment. After three months, I asked him to come pick up the rest of his stuff and return some of the things I had left at his parent's house. He did finally pick up his stuff, but neglected to return any of my things. I've decided to let the stuff go for now (even though some of it is valuable and important to me). I'm sure I'll get it back eventually.

 

Maybe you should try asking one of his friends to collect the box for you? That way he wouldn't be able to play the same mind games with you. He can't make the same excuses/cancellations on them as he can with you (they would certainly call him on it if they know him well enough).

 

Hope that helps a little. Don't worry, you're not the only crazy one.

[daytimegirl]

Hi everyone,

I thougth about this problem last night.

I had sent him an email asking if we could be nice and talk like normal people again. Then this morning I decided that I'm just going to forget about him.

 

I've read a lot of the other peoples problems here. The main problem is just not wanting to let go.

 

I'm so irritated with myself. I still wanted him back. He's playing games with me and I'm playing along. This is enough for me. Hes trying to drive me nuts. Now something strange has happened. I'm not sure if I really would want to be with him now. He's acted so silly and it's a side of him I really dont like.

The worst thing to be is a crazy ex gf. So I'm done.

 

Oh heres a cute website I found.

link removed

[michiganmale27]

I empathize with you, but from the other side of the isle. My ex-gf broke up with me. After 2 and a half months of no communications, she "sees" me in a crowd of 45,000 at a concert Must take some sort of effort for that to happen eh?? Convenient time to send an email asking me about this girl I was seen with.

 

Long story short, play along with the mind games I'm having a blast emailing her back telling her what a great time I'm having etc... Once you put the ball back into his court you should expect some sort of an angry response, maybe a couple of angry responses because they know you are onto his third grade playground games.

 

DO NOT EMAIL HIM BACK RIGHT AWAY, take your leisure maybe wait 2 days to respond...I will say with about 95% confidence he will be back. I have learned in my dating experiences, honestly not that many, that the other party wants to see their ex's miserable. If you prove otherwise, or even mention another guy, the likelihood of him returning, IF YOU WANT HIM TO AT THIS POINT, is pretty good. Sorry about the long response...Hope that this helps.

 

By the way, she has stuff of mine that she wouldn't give back either...eg a DVD player etc... Hang in their kiddo PLAY THE GAME, IT CAN BE FUN!