How do I not be shallow???

[tiger_lilies]

I am dating a wonderful man who is practically everything that I want in a man. He is kind, considerate, smart, funny, etc. The list goes on and on. BUT...(seems there is always a "but") he is very short and small in overall size (height). I have always been with men who have been much taller than me. I am roughly 5'3 and the men I find myself attracted to have always been around 6 feet.

 

When I first started dating this man, I told myself that height/size should not make any difference since it's the personality that counts most. However now that things seem to be getting more serious, I am finding myself holding back because of some nagging feeling...I recently pin-pointed it to being this man's height/weight.

 

I am being shallow aren't I? I don't want to be shallow....so how do I get over this "hump"? Anyone have a simialr experience and how they got over it?

[RayKay]

Hmmm, well, I think you need to determine whether the issue is really his stature, or are you using that as the "reason" for why you are holding back even though there are other things that are the real issue. You yourself said you only recently pin pointed it, so it may be an "excuse" but not the real reason.

 

As to are you being shallow, well, everyone has preferences. You need to figure out if this really is something that really matters in the long run. I myself always preferred men around 5'6'-5'10 so I did not break my neck kissing them. But, I met my partner whom is 6'2" and he is just perfect for me and height is never an issue. Oddly, he himself preferred women above 5'6" but was won over by a great woman in a petite package (I am 5'4"..on a good day 5'4 1/2" .

 

If someone is that fantastic, height matters very little in my opinion. So I wonder if this is just a symptom something else is amiss. Are you still attracted to him despite the height difference? It really is your decision, it's not shallow to be attracted to certain things, unless it is too restricting and you miss out on some great catches

[sbrew21]

i don't think its being shallow. Personality is extremely important however you must be attracted to the person. I dated a guy for 8 months and just was never attracted to him. I was hoping that I could get past it but I never did and figured I never would so I ended it before more feeling were hurt. If you can't get past his height then you never will, unless you can establish a friendship first and not notice it anymore. I just think if it bothers you that much its always going to bother you.

[kellbell]

No I don't think you are being shallow. If you are not attracted to him, you're not attracted to him, there is no rhythme or reason for attraction. You just happen to be attracted to taller men. Most women are. But I have learned from experience if you are not attracted to someone, no matter how nice he is and such, then it's not going to work in the long run. Staying with him, however, while not being attracted to him would be shallow.

[tiger_lilies]

Thank you all for your replies. Raykay, you're right when you suggested there are more reasons for me to be hesitant with this relationship going further. I fear that I have dug myself into a hole with this man as I am terrified of being hurt (same as everyone else) plus he is in my circle of friends...I am afraid of gaining a bad rep of being a "player". I know, it's silly of me to think this, but can't help it.

 

I don't want to miss out on such a great "catch"...and he certainly is a great catch. I am attracted to his personality...he is super easy to be with and it's very evident that his feelings are much stronger than mine. Perhaps I am just afraid of commiting myself to him when I am so scared of being hurt...guess that's my problem and not his.

 

Sbrew21, thank you for your comment. I too also dated a man who I didn't find attractive at first...we were friends for 3 years before we finally became a couple (the relationship lasted 3 years after that). After he cheated on me, I vowed to myself that I would only date men that I find physically attractive...but as I started dating good looking men, I realised that they have zero personality.

 

So the man in question now, is someone I hesitantly decided to date due to the non-physical attraction. However we have such a great time with each other, plus we have many mutal friends which makes it that much more easier to see him.

 

Kellbell, you're absolutely right about attraction not having any rhyme or reason...I wish it did. Don't know how to get past this...I feel almost guilty...like I'm leading him on...I know I'm not because my intentions are genuine. But are they if I look down on him in this light?