Age Gap bashing on Age Gap Relationship Forum

[Angel Irulan]

I think that forum should be more heavily moderated than most. There are thousands of us out there in age gap relationships, and when we come to this forum for understanding we get the media-driven mentality that age gap relationships are somehow just wrong. People don't understand what they haven't experienced, and I think some people just like to troll. But it's my understanding that elsewhere on the forums that type of attitude is not tolerated.l Could it be that the moderators are themselves prejudiced against younger adult/older adult romances?

 

Please tell me why this should be allowed!!!!!

[melrich]

If you see any examples of posters insulting or direspecting other posters please bring them to the attention of a moderator. However as much as possible we try not to censor posters opinions on issues.

[HajiMaji]

I feel you Angel, for sure. For me, this forum has been a wonderful place of support and wisdom. I have noticed that people can get very upset when they hear about the age gap stuff and it really sucks for the people just trying to get advice. Lots of times when we post here we are weak so we come here for the support of others. Any judgments just make us more weak and more stressed. People give advice and opinions, and the more view points the better - but i think it is a responsibility we all have to go the extra mile and make sure we arent making anyone feel uncomfortable or out of place. Life is hard enough already.

 

Each time someone is short and uncaring here (and anywhere else in life), remember that its not your fault. They dont mean it personally - they just have their own problems and have trouble dealing with it (just like everyone). I use to be a very judgemental person and it was the worst thing ever. I feel so sorry for everyone who was around me at the time and i hope they know I was like that because i was having problems myself - not because they did anything wrong.

[Angel Irulan]

I agree, but I especially worry that ANY kind of negativity in response to an age gap is NOT appropriate for this forum! I referred one person to link removed, a forum that is wonderful for support. But it pains me when I hear people say that a 48 year old and a 22 year old just should not be together! There are so many of us that are! People tend to bash what they don't understand and I guess all these people who are casting stones are the wittiest, most intelligent people that god ever put on earth.

 

 

Ali

[Angel Irulan]

If you see any examples of posters insulting or direspecting other posters please bring them to the attention of a moderator. However as much as possible we try not to censor posters opinions on issues.

 

It's an insult and disrespectful when someone comes on the board and says so and so should not be dating because of their age gap. There are several post like this on the Age Gap board and I wish you would go pull them off. It's really trolling that they are doing. They are doing nothing to help the persons who are asking for help. And another thing, when someone comes on an age gap suppor forum to ask for help in telling someone they don't think an age gap is appropriate, do you feel that thread should be allowed to stay? That is also bashing of a type. Age Gap couples must be treated with R-E-S-P-E-C-T and that type of post is NOT RESPECTFUL of the potential audience.

 

Ali

[melrich]

Well I guess that is one of the things you have to put up with on a public forum, not everyone will have the same attitudes or values (probably be a pretty boring place if they did).

[melrich]

And another thing, when someone comes on an age gap suppor forum to ask for help in telling someone they don't think an age gap is appropriate,

 

It is their issue. Whether their attitude is right or wrong it is not our place to censor.

 

I am in an age gap relationship myself, I am 12 years older than my partner but this type of question does not offend me. I just take it that that person has a different attitude to some things than I do.

[annie24]

I agree with Melrich. If there is a post you perceive as disrespectful, definitely, bring it to the attention of a moderator. People can disagree with the relationship if they want to, as long as they do it in a respectful manner.

[Angel Irulan]

I don't think that is true when you are dealing with a population of people who are in a minority and who are asking you for support. I don't believe allowing any and all posts on this type of support site is helpful.

 

What happened to the psychologists who used to run this site?

[annie24]

Well, it doesn't quite work like that. If someone wants to start dating their mother, or a 70 year old man wants to have a sexual relationship with an 8 year old, you'd better believe that we're not going to be in favor of the relationship.

 

I personally don't have anything against age gap relationships, as long as the posters are of the age of consent.

[melrich]

What happened to the psychologists who used to run this site?

 

No psychologists ever ran this site. Same owner from day one.

 

I think you have provided a link for people in age-gap relationships to go to if they need support. There are many internet sites devoted to one single issue or another where people can go if they require unaminous support.

 

eNotalone is designed as a place people can come to get support, feedback, different perspectives both positive and negative.

[Angel Irulan]

Why did you fling a set of illegal relationships out as an example? This is just another type of disrespect. You are propagating the immorality aspect that age gap dating sometimes implies in the public mind! And your tone is disrespectful to me as well.

 

Naturally, as a person who has had an age gap relationship myself, I don't consider any age gap relationships to be VALID or legal, unless it's an older adult/younger adult relationship. As a moderator, you should have the power to delete posts where the posters are in a child/adult relationship, and YOU SHOULD do just that!

 

Ali

[Angel Irulan]

No psychologists ever ran this site. Same owner from day one.

 

I think you have provided a link for people in age-gap relationships to go to if they need support. There are many internet sites devoted to one single issue or another where people can go if they require unaminous support.

 

eNotalone is designed as a place people can come to get support, feedback, different perspectives both positive and negative.

 

And it's not a good change, IMHO.

[melrich]

And it's not a good change, IMHO.

 

It's not a change. Same as from day one.

[Angel Irulan]

Yes, I agree entirely.

 

Ali

[annie24]

Why did you fling a set of illegal relationships out as an example? This is just another type of disrespect. You are propagating the immorality aspect that age gap dating sometimes implies in the public mind! And your tone is disrespectful to me as well.

 

Naturally, as a person who has had an age gap relationship myself, I don't consider any age gap relationships to be VALID or legal, unless it's an older adult/younger adult relationship. As a moderator, you should have the power to delete posts where the posters are in a child/adult relationship, and YOU SHOULD do just that!

 

Ali

 

I'm not being disrespectful. In some areas, it is legal to date your sister or mother or neice. Even in the US! It just depends on where you live.

 

Well, quite often, we'll have a 13 or 14 year old girl say that she's in a relationship with a 21 or 22 year old man, and she asks for our opinions. We won't censor her - but we will try to convince her that it's not a good idea.

[avman]

I'm sorry but I disagree with you. This is an advice forum. This means that some people will disagree with your position or your actions. If that is done respectfully we will allow it.

 

Psychologists never ran this site Angel Irulan. This site has always been run by volunteers and by the forum owner.

[mythy]

Moderators should not censor respectful advice, but I would like to point out to general posters that the name of this site is enotalone, which suggests that this is a site where people in similar situations can offer and receive support and advice in a place where they don't feel alienated. thereforeeee it would seem very inconsiderate and inappropriate for anyone to post on this forum suggesting that ANY age gap relationship between two consenting adults is wrong.

[RayKay]

It's a public forum and everyone has the right to their opinion about it. Moderators are not here to censor people, though we do step in when things get out of hand or when there are concerns about "legality".

 

I personally have no issue with age gap relationships if both are at the age of consent for their area and as with any other relationship, each person is being treated with respect and consideration. I have been involved in large gaps at points in my life, and I have several friends in large age gap relationships (biggest one is a 26 year old male with a 43 year old woman) and they are very happy with one another and I really don't care - as long as they are over the age of consent.

 

I can understand you may wish this to be purely support, but enotalone is also about offering different points of view. If you go to any of the other forums, you would find similar different views - be it in Gay/Lesbian/Transsexual, Infidelity or in even Getting Back Together or Pregnancy/Sex and Romance. Our role as moderators is not to ensure everyone who comes on here is given what they want to hear, just to ensure that when opinions differ, that respect is provided. If it is not, then those posts are removed.

 

If you don't like the format, there are many other forums with different rules of moderation and so on. Same for any other topic.

 

And pyschologists never ran this site.