Why do we need our ex's?

[coooolsome]

Just wanted to post an old post from ziggystar. Its very true and makes you think.

[fantasia2004]

security reasons I guess. because maybe they made us feel like on cloud nine compared to anyone else.

It was like no other.

[OCD]

Well, speaking for myself, I don't think I needed my ex to make me happy. I'm happy with who I am and am a pretty happy individual...I think most of us on this site want that person we can spend the rest of our lives with, someone to grow old with, and share life with...so I don't think it's a "need" thing it's just a preferrence. And putting my ex and I together was just a great time and both of us were happy, but for some reason it didn't last. And when someone comes accross in your life that we think fits the profile, then we assume they are the 'one' we've been looking for, thinking of, etc...so we get together with them and share the same visions and goals and for some reason it falls short. One falls out of love, one sees things differently one day, one just doesn't want to stay together any more or continue to work at it...a relationship does take work on both parts, that's for sure...two to tango, right? So as far as 'needing them' I think it's more of getting comfortable with them and forgetting who we all are as individuals. Then one day they are gone and look how we all are on this site, hurt with that empty feeling of becoming one in the relationship and then it splitting, leaving us feeling like a half not a whole any more. I've learned that lesson, the one that says always be who you are and don't forget to make 'yourself' happy. Ziggystardust really hit it on the head there. At the end of the day 'you' are all you have, even over family, friends, etc.

[BillyJean714]

For the most part, it's true what ZiggityStar said. Other things make it hard for people to let go- it's the attachment that's really tough to overcome. If we want a scientific explaination- it's also physiologically related. Once we get used to someone, once we're in love with them, our bodies tend to produce hormones that allow us to bond and stay more attached. That's why for some people, letting go is hard. Because every other time that they see anything that reminds them of their ex partners, it acts like a stimulus, and all of a sudden those haromones are released (one among the several hormones- oxitocyn ), all of the cascade of emotions just hit them.

 

That's why, the best way to go about break-ups is to go cold-turkey and just treat the relationship like a bad habit! Otherwise, it becomes a pathetic vicious cycle. And, for some people, if they want to get back and try to work things out, nothing is wrong with it. I guess for them, they just need answers. They just want to know "for sure."

[fantasia2004]

I thought you were supposed to make yourself happy? Not outside people?

[healinginnyc81]

I think maybe it's that people like to believe in soulmates. I know I still think of my ex as my soulmate because we shared so many feelings and beliefs and all these dreams. Also, even when you're happy by yourself you know that there's potential to be much happier when you can share life's ups and downs with some one else. I keep remembering all the good times I had with my ex and I compare them to good times with friends and it just seems like good times with my ex meant so much more because we were like twin souls.

 

But this may all just be me being needy and not being happy with my own self.

[Juha]

I don't need anyone and have never needed anyone...When you want someone it is different...I have never had a problem of breaking up with someone or letting go until my last g/f, things were so different...

 

Really I have been with many women I could live with but only one I could not live without...When you feel that way it is tough to let go because it may never be again...

 

ALso the connection that may only happen once or twice in your life, if you are lucky that is...

 

SO yes, take care of you but letting go sometimes is so very hard...

[fantasia2004]

Soulmates I am not sure if that exist unless a true soulmate is one with a strange out of body experience who is similar to you in some way.

 

Some people can be soul mates and work together in love and happiness but turn out to be wrong for each other in the end because of a matter of differences that never ironed out between partners.

 

Silly but that is how I look at it.

[selfi]

Yeah, I understand. When my first girlfriend broke up with me, I didnt really care to much. But my recent ex, we were perfect for each other. We made her friends jealous. My friends used to be jealous. We just had one problem, communication. Not communication in regards to talking but talking about what is bothering us. Without that communication, we would get mad at each other and never talk about it and I think that was the major reason for the breakup.

 

 

that was the same problem with me and my ex. The problems would never be talked out properly and we would just tread on glass.

[Hannibal]

security reasons I guess. because maybe they made us feel like on cloud nine compared to anyone else.

It was like no other.

 

I think that they only made you feel like you were on cloud nine because they unleashed something from within you. You have that capability all on your own, the only thing that you need to do is learn how to get it out yourself!

[healinginnyc81]

Hannibal, I think you're right. When we're happy with someone we love, we tend to bring out the best in each other. When they leave and we're still getting over it, we find it hard to bring out that good side of ourselves, so we think we need them back.

 

We need to find ourselves and bring out the best in ourselves.