Guilty that I'm not trying to be his friend...

[darkpumpkin]

I've read so many posts about no contact, limited contact, giving it time until you don't care about your ex and then starting limited contact. But I believe that maybe you need to walk away completely, to let go and deal with the pain and loss of the relationship and then when you have both changed come together once again. My problem is I was treated like crap after my ex broke up with me, I couldn't let go and he took full advantage of that in any way he wanted. He used me and screwed me over and over again but I still feel guilt that I am no longer trying to be his friend. Is it okay that I feel he should work to have me in his life, that he should put effort into conntacting me, wanting to get together and hang out?

 

We've been broken up for 7 months, he stopped using me 4 months ago after his new girlfriend. He's contacted me twice since those 4 months.

[HajiMaji]

Yeah, its perfectly ok to feel that he should have to work to get you in his life. Dont feel guilty, he used YOU! Its always up to you to determine who you want in your life as a friend or otherwise. If you feel like you should not be friends with him now, that sounds fine to me

[patience]

from what you said in your post, he doesn't sound like someone who would make a good friend

 

if it is right for you to walk away completely, then do that

 

every situation is different...BUT when there is abuse involved, complete no contact is often necessary for your healing

 

abusive people generally do not change, so yes, IMO, walk away

[shes2smart]

Is it okay that I feel he should work to have me in his life, that he should put effort into conntacting me, wanting to get together and hang out?

 

Yup.

 

Part of being a self-respecting individual is not allowing others to treat you badly.

 

Dunno about you but someone whose behavior can be described as "using me and screwing me over" is not someone I'd consider a friend....or anything more than a friend. A friend treats you with respect, consideration and compassion. Does his behavior fit that description?

 

People will treat you as badly -- or as well -- as you allow them to. They get an idea of what you will put up with by observing the way you treat yourself.

[kellbell]

Yes it's ok. It's all about your self-respect and dignity. And from what you wrote about this guy in the past, this guy doesn't even deserve a second look let a friendship from you. You are feeling guilty because this guy still has some kind effect on you and you still h aven't fully regained from what you lost by being with him. It's normal but not wrong to make him work his little hiney off for your attention. You are doing great girl, chin up!

[RayKay]

It's fine.

 

Just as it takes two to be in a relationship, it takes two to make a friendship work too...sounds like you put enough effort in it and he took advantage of that. There is nothing wrong with feeling he needs to put some work into it.

 

But if he used you, do you really think he is someone that deserves even your friendship?