Im sick of feeling like this...

[TheLostBird]

Hello all,

 

Im sitting here at around 6am, still wondering how the hell my fiance left me 2 months ago. I've read enough on this forum about what to do, and what to expect, and the real reasons why she left me, but it doesnt change how crappy I feel.

 

Its so hard to do what you know is logically the correct remedy: NC, delete her from your memory, better yourself in every way possible, blablabla.

 

And while I am actually doing most of that, nothing makes me forget about her. Screw "focusing on other things" and all that, its not working. Im meeting tons of other women, and all I think of is her.

 

 

Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and for no reason at all. I dont think this happened for a "reason", or that I should "thank her" for dumping me, its all bullshit. But I do believe that dwelling on it and analyzing the living hell out of it (like Ive been doing) doesnt do much...at all.

 

If someone has any out-of-the-box suggestions for getting out of this emotional hell-hole, please let me know

 

 

GoodNight

[WildChild]

Everything you posted TheLostBird is exactly true. I don't know if there is an "out-of-the-box" cure-all for breakups because what works for one may not work for another. Your engagement breaking up only 2 months ago is a very short time and what you are feeling is normal. It is tough enough breaking up with someone, but when you are engaged or married brings a whole new position because this is the person you were suppose to spend the rest of your life with in the most committed way.

 

I can only tell you to take it one minute at a time, day by day. I went through an emotionally horrible divorce. Many days I didn't think I could make it. One minute I was accepting of the fact and the next minute I felt like my world as I knew it was over...an emotional rollercoaster. I would see him moving on with his girlfriend (even though we were still married) and I would think "Why should he get to be so happy? He's the one that broke our family up and here I am depressed and thinking of him and all our time together" But each day got better and now here it is, 3 years since we initially separated which led to divorce and I am MUCH happier. Everyday, every hour, and every minute was a challenge and I took it as a challenge to myself. Everytime I wanted to talk to him or think about him and I didn't, I looked at it like a success and would shoot for the next hour of doing the same. And when I wasn't successful I would berate myself for being "so stupid," but it is human nature to want to fix the things we don't want broken. I did a lot of reading (self help) and soul searching. Eventually the pain healed. I learned a lot about myself, and learned from my mistakes in the relationship.

 

Like I said, what you are feeling is completely normal. You need to give yourself time to heal and give yourself the credit that what you are feeling is COMPLETELY normal. Even the ones who break up with us go through pain. Experts will tell you that sometimes they feel more emotional pain, even though you would never think that.

 

I have to say though, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I truly,truly believe that. We may not know why at the time, but eventually the "truth" reveals itself.....maybe the same day or not for years. But one day you will look back and think, "Hey, so that's why." As much as I wanted my marriage and tried to save it, I eventually filed for divorce because I couldn't bear the pain he was putting me through anymore and the fact that he didn't want me any longer. I didn't stop to think about all of the years I wasn't happy before the affair. Now I realize how much better my life is and the divorce was a blessing in disguise. He however is not fairing so well, nor is his life that he "so much wanted" with her.

 

The one thing I do know is no one will heal until they are ready to heal. You can't put a timeline on it. But it is our responsibility to ourselves to tell ourselves that one day we HAVE to heal and not dwell in our sorrows forever.

 

This is what I can tell you right now

[adidas7fire]

I totally agree with NotMyself. Time will become your friend and even not your friend because of all the things that will remind you of her. It sucks bad but you have to remind yourself that you weren't the problem and that if it wasn't meant to be, then sobeit. I mean, it's been 2.5 years my fiance and I broke up but even with as much as he hurt me, I can't seem to let what he did go. I'm in the best relationship now and I still have a hard time dealing with the fact that I dwell on things and sometimes it even hurts my relationship now. You just have to take the good with the bad but evenly distribute them. I'm sorry for your loss.. believe me, it felt like no one in the world could help me but you also have to help yourself. Getting on this website after my split was one of the best things I could have ever done and I hope you'll find comfort in others as well. We are always here for you. Good luck!

[pete137]

BIRDMAN

 

i know exactly what you are saying, its been 7 months and 8 days for me. it has gotten a little easier but i sure as hell havent forgotten and dont think i ever will. i know what your saying about "do other things" "keep busy", hard to do other things when this is all thats on your mind. a little better when im with others but as soon as im taking a shower or going to bed, anytime alone i think of her...too much. i have no answers but i do know exactly the feelings that you are sharing. terrible to say but i think it would have been easier to deal with if she had been killed in a car crash, not just left.

[TheLostBird]

Thanks for the replies guys...