My boyfriend does weed

[xblondyx]

Hi. You may have read in my other post that me and my boyfriend are currently going through a "rocky stage". One reason for this is that he does weed. The first time i found out he did this, i told him exactly what i thought and he told me that he wouldn't do weed anymore as i mean so much to him and he doesn't want to hurt me. He stuck to that promise for a while (i think).

 

Today, i found out that the other night, he was out of his head on weed and that he said that he would do it again at other parties he went to.

 

He knows that i'm unhappy with him doing this but anything i say to him goes in one ear and out of the other. Has anyone got any ideas of what i should do? Thanks

[whitefang]

Have you spoken too him about this? im assuming that you have if he stopped for a short while. But i'd press your concerns too him and let him know that your not happy about this and your only looking out for him and doing it because you care.

[shes2smart]

Getting high is one of those habits that people aren't very successful at changing UNLESS they want to. That means changing his ways for someone else (you) is a temporary stop at best...more likely it means doing it when you're not around.

 

Like losing weight, smoking cigarettes, and drinking it doesn't matter that it's not good for him (plus it's illegal)...unless someone is internally motivated to adopt healthier habits, it generally doesn't happen.

 

That being said, you have a right to NOT be around illegal activities. Unfortunately, that may ultimately mean you won't be around him at all.

[xblondyx]

Have you spoken too him about this? im assuming that you have if he stopped for a short while. But i'd press your concerns too him and let him know that your not happy about this and your only looking out for him and doing it because you care.

 

Yep, i've spoken to him about it. He told me that being with me meant more to him than getting high. I don't get to see him often (it's a LDR) so i don't know everything he does. I have to believe everything he tells me as i have no other way of finding out what he has been upto, unless i speak to his friends.

 

This is how i found out about him getting high the other night, from his friend's post on a different forum. I've not had the chance to confront my boyfriend about this yet, but i'm worried that he will either deny it, or just tell me that i'm being stupid.

 

Maybe i am being stupid? i mean as he said..it's only a bit of weed. But i just don't like it and i've told him but he obviously hasn't listened to me.

[shorty20]

I'm sorry this has happened. Speaking from experience, you can't change guys unless they want to change themselves. I dated a guy for over 3 years. In that time period, he began heavily smoking weed probably about 1.5 to 2 years into our relationship. At first, it was on weekends and at parties. Then it was before school. Then it became so it was ALL the time. He never could spend a night sober, just being normal or having some time with me. I asked him repeatedly to at least just spend ONE night with me sober, not high, drunk or anything else. He said he would, because I mean that much to him (sound familiar??) and that he would call me when he got off work. I went out with a couple of girlfriends, and oh my goodness! As we were driving around the block I see him walking up to his friends house that he always went to to get high... now, I'm sorry if I'm not telling you what you want to hear, that he'll change and he'll do it for you. I'm sorry to tell you that it won't happen. Second example, I dated a guy for over a year, and then I find out he's DEALING weed. I told him it was his choice, me or that. He chose me and still did it behind my back. Please, don't make the same mistake I did. Don't waste your time on these guys. If they really want to change, they will. It's exhausting trying to get someone to give something up for you, only come to find out they never really gave it up in the first place. I would say do yourself a favor. Tell him "I love you, but I can't watch you do this. I'm leaving the door open. When you are ready to start being more mature, and stop doing drugs and harming yourself, I'll be all ears to hear what you have to say. Until then, I'm done trying to battle with you."..... I wish I would have done it... please please please PM me ANY time you ever need to talk. I have alot of experience with the kind of guy you're dealing with, and I will always be here to listen and give you advice. Good luck girl!

[xblondyx]

Thanks Shorty20, that's helped me a lot! It's comforting to know that someone else has gone through this situation! I'm going to speak to my boyfriend about it tonight if i get the chance. Tell him how i feel and say that if he wants to keep me as his girlfriend, he has to change. If not, its over!

[Boricua7]

Thanks Shorty20, that's helped me a lot! It's comforting to know that someone else has gone through this situation! I'm going to speak to my boyfriend about it tonight if i get the chance. Tell him how i feel and say that if he wants to keep me as his girlfriend, he has to change. If not, its over!

 

Way to be strong girl! I hope everything works out for you! I would give you some advice but it seems Shorty20 has given you the best advice anyone can give already. So, good luck!

[Beec]

I don't think you should have a lot of hope for a long future.

 

Good relationships require a few things to last. These things include common interests, common values and a common view of each other's roles in the relationship. Seem to me you lack some values in common.

 

If he accepts your terms, that might not be the end of it.

[xblondyx]

Way to be strong girl! I hope everything works out for you! I would give you some advice but it seems Shorty20 has given you the best advice anyone can give already. So, good luck!

 

Lol, thanks! That's if i even get a chance to talk to him! he's "busy"

[xblondyx]

Well, i finally got to speak to him. Only after texting him and sending him an email though! He told me that he was an idiot, and is going to try and stop what he's been doing for me. Don't know whether to believe him though, he says it but he could be doing anything!