I need opinions

[p0w3RFuL]

My girlfriend really wants to go to her homecoming, which i didnt want to in the beginning, but i eventualy after argueing about it agreed to go.. the thing is i dont really know anyone at her school so its weird, also she said she would go even if i didnt go which is a lil messed up to me. Now she wants to go to some concert, 'Next big thing 5' and she said she had so much fun last year with all these people. I really dont want to go, i think the big reason is that its awkward going to big events with her, its not like im with my friends, its with her. She said she will go no matter what, even if i dont go.. she has also stated shes going with a group of people.. I just want to know if anyone thinks i should go.. or is she pushing to much, is it wrong to go without me??

 

I said to her i will think about it alot, and most likely bring a friend if i happen to go.. She said i was being dull, and boring... She doesnt understand that i dont really want to go to a 'concert' even tho ive never been to one.. I just dont want her to be by her self in such a big event like that..

 

 

I need inputs on whether her plans are right? should i go and just have fun? Is she being pushy about going no matter what? am i being to controling about saying 'i would like you not to go' am i to boring?

 

Edit: i would also like to add that i dont think im boring..i have friends, and i drink and go to parties..Its just the big thing that bothers me is her consistantcy of going to these places even if im not present. I didnt want to go to her homecoming cuz i dont go to her school and i know noone there, and the concert thing is just a big croud and i think thats something to go with your friends with, not just you and your g/f. I DEFINTALY dont watn her to go to that concert or homecoming alone though... Weve argued abotu this problem alot and its actualy caused alot of big problems of her saying im to controling just because i didnt want to go and i woudl like her to do something differnt with me... Am i to controlling? or is she being to pushy? And is it wrong for her to say she is going whether i go or not? weve been dating for 5 months

[Meow18]

I think you just need to do what you want. If she wants to go somewhere with her friends, then you should let her. I would understand if it was like a strip club she was going to and you didn't want her to, but this is just a high school dance. To some people, high school dances are really important and she might regret not going. It is a little strange that she wants to go whether you go or not, but she's going with friends, and because she asked you, it proves that she's not going just to dance with other guys. I knew a lot of people who didn't go with their boyfriends or went alone. Usually friends just danced together.

 

Also, the same goes with the concert. Is she going with a bunch of people? I didn't really understand from your post. First you said she was, but then you said if you went, it would just be you and her. If you are going with some of her friends, I don't see why it would be a big deal if you brought along a friend to help make you feel more comfortable.

 

I have a feeling a lot of things will come up like this in your relationship. She's going to want to do other things that you aren't going to want to do. You are going to want to do things she doesn't want to do. It's normal. Sometimes you make sacrifices for that person though and do something they want to do just because they really want to. And sometimes they do something they aren't really wanting to do.

 

She obviously wants you there, otherwise she wouldn't have asked. And who knows, you could have fun. But if it's something that you really don't want to do, then don't make yourself.. but allow her to do what she wants.

[p0w3RFuL]

Thanks. She stated she was going to go with some people, who i am not sure.

Im going to her homecoming with her, ive decided that. I just feel if its not one thing its another, and even though im going to go with her to her homecoming, shes going to want me to go to the concert and still her go without me.

 

At first when the whole homecoming ordeal came up, we were going to a nice dinner just the 2 of us, but things happened and she wanted to go real bad, i understand her wanting to go, so im going to go with her and try to have alot of fun with her.

 

I also hate when she says im to controling, i cant stand it. In my opinion im not controling, but like everyother guy out there, they will not want their girlfriends going out to places with guys..Who in the hell would actualy allow that? that problem hasnt come up though.. But just because i dont trust other guys in big crouds like a concert, is the main reason i wouldnt like her to go alone. I can see if she was going to the mall with her female friends, thats totaly fine, but when she goes places where there will be a guy involved i tend to want to be there with her. Shes going to read this post when im with her most likely to my demand, and i want her to read other peoples opinions..

 

Just because i dont want her to go to a concert doesnt mean im too controling, its jsut something i dont find fun because il be with her and not with friends of my own.. I think there are other things we could do like go to the beach, dinner , bowling, i have no clue just alot more things than that..

 

Who would allow their g/f's to go alone? or for the girls opinion: Would you like to go on your own? or only go with your bf. She said she is going with guys and like their g/f or sumthing like that, i really dislike that alot.I was actualy really thinking about going to the concert as well but she came up with that statement saying if u dont go its cool il just have fun on my own thing which makes me upset, if she could just say she will go if i go, then il understand and il go and see how it is just for her.

[sprawl]

Why are you so afraid of this girl going to a concert without you?

 

It sounds like she really enjoys these concerts and would rather go alone than force you to go along if you are going to be miserable. You should be able to support her decision to go have fun with her friends and not pull anything where you make her feel guilty for going without you or feel guilty for bringing you along to an event that you didn't want to go to. Occasionally, she should feel comfortable in being able to have some fun without you just as much as you should be able to have fun without her. It's only natural to miss her when you go out on your own but if you keep controlling her and holding her back then you might not be having too much fun describing your breakup on this forum soon =/

[p0w3RFuL]

The thing is the people shes going to the concert with, arnt her friends. She barely knows them, and its going to be a few guys, and supposibly their gf's. Its not that i dont trust her, i dont trust other people. This hasnt occurred ever in the 5 months weve been together, so i dont know how to handle it.

 

Ya i dont want her to go to a place with big crouds without me, is that bad? Also last year she went she said she went with her b/f which makes it a lil awkward for me i guess. I just dont want to go to the concert but i thought about it alot and im asking a friend to come with me. Shes not just going with her girlfriends, its actualy none of her friends at all thats the biggest thing about this

[Meow18]

How does she know the guys that she is going with? Do you know them at all?

[Meow18]

Its not that i dont trust her, i dont trust other people.

 

I never really understood when people say this. I don't trust some people, but I do trust my boyfriend and I trust that if someone were to "come on to him" that he wouldn't allow anything to happen.

 

My boyfriend trusts me. He doesn't trust some people I know, but he still trusts that I won't allow anything to happen. A guy once tried to kiss me, and you know what I did? I pushed him away.

 

So if you really trust her, part of that is trusting that she won't do anything to hurt you, or allow anyone else to do anything.

 

I can understand your concern about the concert though. I'm interested to know how she knows these guys. Are they just random guys who asked her to go?

[p0w3RFuL]

Well to start off i know nothing about them, just what she tells me.. thats a big thing i dont like.. she doesnt even know all who is going, just 1 guy named who ever and she said she went with him last year, and that he has a g/f.. the thing is he is supposibly bringing other people with him..Who? i have no clue.. she doesnt either..

 

Also when i say i dont trust other people i mean that.. guys are the agressors, girls are the ones who get hit on..meaning a guy hits on a girl, even if she has a boyfriend, besides how would the guy know she isnt single when she is alone...

[Meow18]

She's going to get hit on a lot in her lifetime. That's just something that happens. Even at places you would least expect it.The point is, you can't stop guys from hitting on her no matter where she goes.. and you can't always "protect" her from it.

 

You have to trust that she's not going to run off with some guy just because he compliments her. You have to trust that she has enough respect for herself and you to tell this guy that she's taken.

 

I don't think you are being too controlling, however I don't think you are being fair to her. These are all things she really wants to do. If you trust her, you should trust that she's not going to let anything happen with any of the guys she is going with. It seems like she knows him ok enough if she went with him last time, so this isn't just some random guy. She has known him for at least since she went with him last time. Maybe it would help you feel better if you knew the guy?

 

This is just part of being in a relationship. You have to learn to accept the fact that you aren't the only one who will find your girlfriend attractive, and guys might even hit on her right in front of you. But if you trust her enough to think that she won't let anything happen, then you really have to trust that.

[miracle29]

Powerful, if she had anything to hide or had any alterior motives, You can bet a dime to a donut that you would NOT have been invited. But she thought enough of you to invite you and I think you hurt her feelings when you went off a little bit about it. I think you should comprimise and go with her. Would you want her to go alone? Its not about her being with anyone else, its about her wanting to share something she likes with you and you telling her "no" just because you don't like "OTHER" people who will be there. I think if anyone is being selfish (and i'm not really calling you selfish) but after reading your post, and seeing your reaction, i would say she could call you the one whos being selfish if not just plain stubborn. If my sig other invited me some place, it wouldnt matter to me if I hated everyone in the room, the fact that she thought enough of me to invite me just to share that moment with me, I'd be on the first thing smoking with her just to show her 1. "I support you" 2. I'm mature enough to not worry about other people, because its not about them, its about us". 3. "I care enough to compromise.

 

This is what relationships are about, compromise and unconditional love. Just being with her should be enough.

 

P.S. Please don't turn into one of those grumpy men (like my dad). My Mother used to beg him to go dancing, she used to beg him so many times "hon take me dancing" and he would never do it. That broke her heart, don't be like him, take this girl to her thing and enjoy it. She will love you all the more for it. Also this is a great opportunity for you to also ask her to go to something she may not love. Its all about comprimise!

[CharLit]

Hi powerful, ditto to the above!

 

I'm guessing this is your first serious relationship, and I can really understand that every new situation is a little scary as it's all new territory.

 

I have to say though, I DO think you are being a little bit controlling - even if only based on the phrases you use. Would anyone "allow" their girlfriends to go places without them? What do you mean "allow", you're not her parent and the decision isn't up to you - I'd be extremely annoyed if my OH told me he wasn't going to 'allow' me to do something. I have no wish to be with someone who doesn't trust me to a) be faithful, and b) to be capable of taking care of myself. I was looking after myself long before he showed up, I don't beed protecting.

 

Aside from that, I'd say it's perfectly normal, even healthy, to do things separately when in a relationship, as well as together.

 

However, your girlfriend doesn't WANT to do this separately. She had a great time at the concert last year, and would like to share that experience with you this year - but if you don't want to go I don't see why she should miss out on reliving that great experience. Either go with her, and probably have an amazing time with her, or let her go and enjoy herself and be there to listen to her stories when she gets back.