Shyness...grr

[ApC]

Its been years and ive been trying to get over it...i know i have made improvements..i can actually talk to people now, unlike last year where i would just look down, or not answer someone at all when they talked to me....but now its just really pissing me off. the past two weeks, because of it i missed out a chance of getting to know some girls my friends have been trying to introduce me to. like tonight for instance...we met, she came up and said hi, but all i could do was smile and nod my head...it sucks so damn much...i give out the message that im not interested or i dont want to tlak to them, when really i do but when the moment comes i feel like i dont know what to say or nothing more than a few words comes out...bah. so i didnt end up really talking to her tonight and now i really feel like crap....?????

[DiscipleOfChange]

The first thing you need to do is relax about it. Progress takes time, believe me, I'm going through a progressive period in my life right now with regards to approaching and talking with women. you can't see things as failures but rather as learning experiences.

 

Trust me man, it'll get easier, you just have to let it happen.

[easyguy]

Lonesomeheartmark... you and I are pretty similar.

[Alabama]

A good way to get over shyness is to think of something to calm you down. I know a girl can seem imposing, but wiht a little practice you can talk to them in no time. Good luck.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Depending on who you are, it is more difficult than you think. I have been shy all my life but it has progressively gotten worse with women. The older I get and the more I see women attracted to everyone but me, I begin to understand that my shyness will still be here. I would be confident if I saw a woman attracted to me, but that hasn't happened. Relaxing could help, but it takes time and more than that. However, good news for you is that some girls are so nice and friendly that when you engage in conversation, you are not shy, you are just in the moment.

[ShySoul]

However, good news for you is that some girls are so nice and friendly that when you engage in conversation, you are not shy, you are just in the moment.

 

And Kyo hits one out of the ballpark.....

 

The key is to be in the moment. The problem isn't so much with being shy. Shyness is something that we all have within us, some to a greater extent then others. It's not something that is wrong with us or something to hate about ourselves. It is simple a part of who we are.

 

Instead the problem is fear. Someone who is "shy" to the extent that you are talking about is allowing themselves to worry about things too much when they should be focused on just talking and getting to know someone. Instead of saying you hate being shy and being upset with how you preceive yourself to mess everything up, ask yourself why you do this. What is it that causes you to freeze? Are you afriad that you'll sound stupid? Are you afraid she won't think you are good enough for her? Afraid of saying something wrong? Once you know what exactly it is you are afraid of, you can work on how to conquer the fear.

 

I think that most likely you are worrying about things you can't control. You are assuming that you will mess things up or she won't like you before you ever talk to her. You are worrying about the future, convinced that things will go a certain way. So you paralyze yourself into inaction. I've done just that many a time. But as a dear friend has advised me, the future will take care of itself, don't worry about it. Live in the moment. Don't think, just act and go with the flow. I know its easier said then done, but once you get used to it then it becomes easier.

[Amano Ginji]

Yeah dude..it will come with practice..i was like u in the beginning..But yeah...remember one thing..Dont be nervous.Ill tell u wat i think..When a girl comes and talks to u out of no where..and u really dunt no her..there is not much to talk about..But u can always talk about the place..say things about the place ur in!..Ur "shy" and nervous..that makes things worse!...Bottom line is..Dont Be Nervous..!!..Shes talkin to u because she is interested..No1 advice..Calm Down,Dont think too much!

[ratherbesailing]

ApC - Try talking to girls you have no interest in at all just to be friendly so you aren't under pressure. Practice at the mall or school. Practice on complete strangers. Girls pretty much have the same interests so once you get in the swing, it will make it that much easier to talk to someone you are interested in. You'll work out the kinks.

[Caterina]

ApC - Try talking to girls you have no interest in at all just to be friendly so you aren't under pressure. Practice at the mall or school. Practice on complete strangers. Girls pretty much have the same interests so once you get in the swing, it will make it that much easier to talk to someone you are interested in. You'll work out the kinks.

 

Why do people always say that? I don't think it helps much...

[b-ion]

I have been shy all my life but it has progressively gotten worse with women. The older I get and the more I see women attracted to everyone but me, I begin to understand that my shyness will still be here. I would be confident if I saw a woman attracted to me, but that hasn't happened. .

 

This is so true. I have the same problem, now that i'm older i have gotten more shy. However there was this one girl that kept looking at me and i think even bumped into me on purpose and yeah i was attracted to her until i found out she had a boyfriend. My confidence did rise seeing that she was the only girl that actually made eye contact with me for an extended amount of time which for that reason made me like her even more, and of the fact that she was very pretty.

 

And from my point of view talking to any girls doesn't really make much of a difference in boosting conversations. I suggest you ask advice from your sister if you have one, unfortuantely i dont but if you have a girl cousin, i always ask advice from her and she has given me some confidence in how to talk to girls around school or strangers.

[MetallicAguy]

RELAX MAN. I don't really know how to explain this but when I used to be shy I was sorta like you. It was really hard to talk to women, but you needa take some time when you're really bored and think about how its not hard and not scary to talk to women. Most women are actually pretty nice. You just need to stop thinking about girls judging you and speak your mind (well at least I think you are afraid of girls judging you..that's how I was when I was shy). Then over time, you'll find it easier and easier to talk to women. Next time just think like its one of your buds talking to ya when some girl that's hot is talking to ya lol. It should help. Because you'll start talking and'll be open and **** and then you'll be like "I did it, holy ****" so yeah...best of luck man. Shyness sucks, but the easiest way to get over it is to talk to women IN PERSON, don't use instant messeging or phone. In person = overcoming shyness. Also you might wanna get some more girl friends.