Dating a single dad

[Frankie1001]

I recently started dating a single dad. He has his son 100% of the time and has since he was born 18 months ago. The mother is not in the picture at all except for a visit maybe once a month (she has severe emotional problems). Is it appropriate of me to suggest including his son in our plans (going to the zoo or a children museum) so that we can spend more time together? Are the "rules" different for dating a father with sole custody, especially considering there is no relationship with the mother? I'm so confused!

[PavPPZ1]

If you include plans for his kid, it will mean a lot to him. As you might imagine he is a package deal, there is no him without his son. A father is very proud about thir kids and will not trade them for anything in the world. You would have to approach it in this fassion as there is no other way. Dont be afraid to make the suggestions, as he might be uncumfortable to offer you to hang out with him and his son. So you making the first step will be the best way to break the idea to him that you are ok with dating the both of them

 

GL

[Beec]

From what I understand, having never really dated a parent, things are a little different. If you are on the road to a serious relationship, sooner or later, you need to be let in to that part of his life and to meet his son. The when is the big question. No one wants a parade of women walking in and out of his son's life for the next ten or twenty years. If a woman enters his life and meets his son, and they become attached to each other, then when the relationhsip ends, it will hurt more. Not only will the couple be aprt and getting opver the break up, the child will miss the former girlfriend. So, if I were him, I would not let you become attached to my son for quite a while, like about the time I was thinkign seriously about us as a married couple.

 

And when you do, work out what your role will be. You cannto be the child's friend, but you are not quite a parent, etc.

[BellaDonna]

Is it appropriate of me to suggest including his son in our plans (going to the zoo or a children museum) so that we can spend more time together?

 

I think the best way to approach this is to ask him if he'd feel comfortable with you meeting his son (if you haven't already) and if he thinks it would be a good idea to go to the zoo, etc. Most parents are protective of their children- so he might think it's too early- or he might be delighted. It really depends on if HE is ready to have you involved with his child. I don't think it's inappropriate at all for you to simply ask though. It's a nice and caring gesture.

 

 

BellaDonna

[piegirl]

As a single parent I would be sure about the relationship be the 2 of you before involving his son.

 

This is for your own benifit as well as his son. Children create attachments and do not understand as well as adults do when people disappear from their lives. A child that has already lost a parent will have an even harder time.

 

As well as your own feelings you may very well get attached as well. Children are a wonderful thing and dating as a parent is difficult. Including them in your outtings is a great way to get to know them but be sure of your feelings for each other before children become invovled.

[Msnak]

I have friends who are single parents and they say the following:

1. don't tell your younger kids that you're dating anyone right away

2. don't let a new date meet the kids or stay overnight for a long time

3. be honest with your date about your connection to your kids and their ages and that you HAVE them

4. recognize that not all dates are respectful of a parent's schedule and that you cannot always be spontaneous

 

By the way...for the first time ever, I dated a single father. Freaked me out for just 1 reason--the ages of his FOUR kids! I am closer in age to them than to their father! It was like dating my uncle and I think his kids would have more in common with me than I do with their father.

[Vanilla]

my sis has a 7 yr old daughter. she got divorced when my niece was just a baby. since then whenever she has dated guys, she has only introduced my niece to one relationship because it lasted several yrs. They broke up and my sister continues to date but NEVER EVER introduces her daughter unless its turning really serious, and even then she waits some. if its inevitable they meet and my sister hasnt been sure, she says "this is mommys buddy" so she thinks nothing of it...

 

but yeah i would make sure its turning for the serious, and if it is then maybe it would be nice.

 

i know for my sister if they appreciate her daughter, it scores points!