and of course , he's back!

[sibling295]

Okay all my enotalone friends can you believe this one:

 

First of all , I had a great day - the guy i met on Halloween called again tonight - we talked for about 20 mins. made plans for this Sat night.

 

I am hungry , no food , so off to the grocery store . As i am driving , i SEE my ex - i quickly turn into the parking lot and run inside. And when i walk out there he is waiting at my car.

 

Ex: Why are you ignoring me?

Me: Unless you want to get back together , i dont want to be your friend.

Ex: I know you are dating and going out again, I've heard all about it

Me: So , its my life - you dumped me, remember???

Ex; But i still love you , i want us to be friends maybe in the future more , i dont want you seeing other guys- I feel like i made the biggest mistake in my life - i am depressed - i hate myself - i got scared thats all

Me: this is all wonderful but unless you want to get back together - i dont care.

now he is crying Ex: i am soooo confused and depressed , i just felt so much pressure - please lets just start talking again. Please- ( trying to hug me)

Me: calm down - calm down we are in public - i will call you tomorrow - i need some time to think about this.

 

So we hug and kiss on the cheek and now i am home.

Geez what should i do ?

BTW- I really amattracted to this guy i met Sat - lets call him "the director" i want to go out with him. I still will - no matter what.

Any advice?

I cant believe this.

[Mythica]

all I can say is OMGsh!!! I have a weak spot for criers, but that is rediculouse.

[teacup]

ur ex sounds like an idiot. i say ditch him quick.

[Serendipity1607307077]

He is just jealous because you are over him and aren't sitting in a corner saying "Why oh why can't I have him back!"

 

Get rid of him quick, you don't need someone like that bringing you down. Go the Halloween guy!

[annie24]

Hi - I think you did a very good job. You basically told him what you wanted.

 

Unless you want to get back together , i dont want to be your friend.

 

I think that was the perfect response. Direct and concise. He can miss you all he wants, but if he doesn't want to get back with you, what use is he to you? Plenty of other men are interested in you, and you can't waste your life waiting for one guy to get over whatever his issues are.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would call him, because you told him you were going to call. Make it a short call, just say, again, "Unless you want to get back together, I don't want to be your friend. Think things over, and if you decide you want to get back together, then call me. Otherwise, don't." And then hang up. He doesn't get to have it both ways - he can't stop you from dating other men if he isn't going to get back together with you.

 

Imagine back in our grandmothers' day - if a man was waffling about wanting to be with you, but another man was proposing marriage, you'd say yes to the proposal, because you don't have forever to wait around for Mr. Waffle.

 

Good luck!!!

[PocoDiablo]

Please don't take this personally, but here is what I am thinking.

 

Wow, what a way to lead on a guy.

 

You see the ex, you run into him, and you give him time of day. He cries, so you give him what he wants.

 

What you have on your hands is a child. He is a boy. He loves you as a MOTHER figure, as a strong person, as a provider and caretaker. He loves you for the power he feeds off you, and he loves controlling you passively. If I were the halloween guy and I knew you were giving time of day to your ex, I'd dump you on the spot. I don't tolerate being treated like a second choice.

 

I would recommend you send the ex packing. Do not talk to him. Do not call him. My god, do NOT KISS HIM AND DO NOT HUG HIM! Don't TOUCH him in any way, shape or form. You just told him "Let's sleep together."

 

If, no, WHEN you run into him again, pick ONE sentence to say to him like "Please leave me alone, we're over. Sorry." Be polite. Be firm. REPEAT it OVER and OVER and OVER until he leaves. If you are on the phone, say it once and hang up. If he comes over, say it once and close the door. (It's called "The broken record.") If he persists, you may want to use my tried and true (but harsh) line of "Stop acting like a big baby, it's very unattractive. Please, you need to grow up." Tell him "Please leave now." That's it. Just 2-3 lines of your choice.

 

Oh, NEVER tell him ANYthing else about your life. No news about who you are dating, where you are working, nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Do not confirm or deny anything he says. Just repeat the line.

 

What you have is an attention junkie. Just like a dog, ANY form of attention is all they want. Even negative attention is good. So long as he CAPTURES your attention he has CONTROL over you. Every time you say ANYTHING he reels you in. You are being a sucker. He is playing a game, and quite frankly he is winning. Every piece of information you give him makes it easier for him to get to you, reel you in, control you.

 

If you continue the game, he can and most likely WILL become a stalker. This can (but probably won't) become very serious.

 

If you go broken record, he will get bored because he no longer is getting fulfilled by you. He will slowly lose interest and slowly go away. Thank goodness, too, you don't want him messing up things with the Director, now, do you?

 

Finally, in about six months, send him a random email to go to link removed and buy the "system" they sell there. He *really* needs it. It will teach him to stop being so pathetic, scary, and childish - he'll learn to grow up and be an adult.

 

Good luck!

[annie24]

Well, I don't really agree with that, because she does want to get back together with him. So, I think that her "broken record" approach of "I don't want to talk to you unless you want to get back together" is the right one.

 

She's not giving him what he wants! He said he wants to talk to her and be her friend, and she's not consenting.

 

I don't know what the story is of their breakup. Maybe he's a complete jerk. Assuming that he's not, and that if she still has feelings for him and would want to get back together, then I think telling him to go away forever and ignoring him isn't the right approach.

[PocoDiablo]

I guess I mis-understood her post. It seemed to me that she was saying the did NOT want to get back with him now that she met the new guy? Maybe? It's kind of hard for me to tell, I thought she was looking for advice to get rid of him.

 

Yeah, if that's the case, ummmmm just ignore my post!

 

If you want to get back together with him, you might want to tell him to start acting like an adult a little more... crying really doesn't do it for me... you know?

[sibling295]

yes - annie is right -

he's the reason i found enotalone -

basically i wanted to get engaged/married and he freaked out then dumped me.

after about 2 weeks of me BEGGING , i said see yah later

so i changed everything - i started going out - thinking i was "the perfect woman - and some one else will be lucky to have me" and honestly it feels good to be positive , i stopped counting like NC days - stopped myself from thinking we would ever get back together and well now here i am .

I thought about it all night and i think i am just going to continue my life as i have been. Except i am not going to do the ignore phone calls thing - i will remain honest and up front with waht i want from him. Just like i am with the other guys i have and will meet.

i am still going out with Halloween guy this Sat night!