Life after a breakup with a Narcissist

[ssgirl1010]

ranger - there is nothing wrong with you!

 

Reading about your relationship with your ex reminds me of my own relationship with my ex. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride during the time I was with my ex. It was intense. He was all over me. He would text me obsessively. Want to see me every single day. Keeping tabs on me. And, then, at times, he was distant and mean and cold - just plain nasty to me. He said things to hurt me and they were out of the blue and I didn't even have time to digest what he was saying because he always caught me off guard with his mean comments.

 

My ex also did the "do you want to get married?"; "how many children do you want?"; "when are you going to move out of your condo and buy a bigger house so you can have a family?"; "our children will be beautiful"; "my family will love you"; "you make the happiest man in the world"; "you don't know how happy you make me"; "you are my dream woman"; "you are the smartest woman I have ever met"; "I am so proud to be in your life"; blah blah blah (you get the drill and those are exact quotes of things he said to me).

 

Then after all of this when I told him I had butterflies for him and when I asked him if he did for me (during a make-out session) he flat out said "NO". And, this is after a discussion we had about how we both wanted to find the "butterfly" feelings again with the person we were with. I was bewildered. I had no idea what the hell was going on.

 

Then I posted about my story on ENA about one month ago and got some great feedback, advice and views from others here and someone mentioned that my ex may have NPD. I read about it on the internet and did some research and while only a qualified professional can diagnose someone as having NPD, my ex DEFINITELY had a lot of the traits of someone with NPD.

 

The hardest thing about breaking-up with a person who is narcissistic is that during the relationship they fooled us into believing they were someone they weren't - and that is the image we hold on to after the break-up. You have to know that the person who you thought your ex was was not real, it was a facade. You have to believe that it was a facade. And, yes, I believe that most likely it would be a relationship that would feel like a never-ending roller coaster ride.

 

It is really hard to move on from someone who has NPD because they were so charming in the beginning but you are better off dating someone who does not have the traits of NPD. You are better off being in a healthy relationship. You are better off by getting off the roller coaster ride.

[evondavis1]

I ended a 7 year relationship, with a very narcissist man 6 months ago. I can tell you it is the most difficult thing to go through in the world. In the beginning, I was put on a pedastal, dream woman, coolest chick he ever met, he should have met me years ago. This was on our first date. The first year was amazing. We did everything, trips, moved in, started a company together.

Then slowly, the degrading started to happen. I was always wrong, I was blamed for everything, I became his emotional punching bag. I became pregnant during this time, so I was dealing with my own emotions and body. It took me over 3 years to figure out what kind of person he really was. NPD is the absolute worst type of person out there. They have no hearts and incapable of true intimacy and friendship. It's really not their fault though, they were programmed that way. It is impossible to have a relationship with someone who has no empathy, and believes the world revovles around them.

Once you break away from the relationship, be prepared for hell to break lose. My ex told me I am crazy, need medication, I need to be put in a mental institution, I have a gambling problem, I lie, I cheat, I steal, I am mean, everything I touch turns to ****, his new gf/wife will be a better mother to our son, I am disgusting, my parents are disgusting pigs, etc.etc......This is coming from a man that I absolutely loved and spent 7 years with. This is coming from a man that I wanted to marry. This is the father of my child.

These people are sick and will never change. I have issues now because I was replaced so quickly, and I mean quick. Within 2 months of him moving out, he married a younger girl and she is now pregnant. 2 months! and I spent 7 years with this man.

Lesson learned from me, because I will never put up with that type of abuse again. He was always putting me down, telling me I look back. I can only remember him telling me I looked good about 2 times, and he would tell me I looked bad thousands of times. I was never good enough for him, in his eyes, but he is a monster. I am so disappointed in myself for staying with the abuse, he was only nice when he felt like it. I did everything for this man.

The problem now, breaking away from NPD is like a bad drug addiction. I was addicted to this man, and I have to keep myself healthy. I have good days, and still so many bad days. My therapist was the one who mentioned NPD on my first visit with her 2 years ago, while we were together. I went to her to see what was wrong with me, he had me believing I was the problem for many years. This is what they do. They mess with you.

[Capricorn3]

This thread is over 7 years old and the OP has never been back. Thread closed.