Ex keeps yo-yoing on me

[TheLostBird]

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[RandomAdvisor]

So...now what. I know the usual advice..."NC".

 

Yup.

 

Is two months not enough time to cool off or something? Or am I just being stupid and need to get over her right this second...

 

Help?

 

How are you supposed to get over her when you are seeing her somewhat regularly?

 

Keep taking her calls and meeting up with her if you wish. But you should know that you're just punishing yourself.

[babycristy456]

Move on from her the best you can. That does not mean stop loving her. Just try to move on with your life. Try not talking to her and avoid her as much as you can when she calls you. If she realizes that you are not going to wait around forever, she might snap into reality and want you back. But he sure that she is not going to play with your heart again.

[chai714]

As long as you can contain your emotions around her and continue to be non-needy or emotional, go ahead and hang out with her. Also, don't let her get too big a head. Her saying "you have no chance with me" is c0cky of her, arrogant, and an "in your face" attitude. Don't tolerate that crap. As long as you're putting her on a pedastol, she will not have any respect for you. Let her know (by your actions) that you're fine being her distant friend.

 

You're also going to have to learn to be vague in your responses. If she asks, "what are you doing this weekend?" You might say something like, "hanging out with a friend," "going out of town" or some other vague response. The first thing you'll have to teach your ex, is that she doesn't own you, she can't predict what you're going to do or how you think, and that your life is no longer an open book for her to read. She left that, so make sure you learn how to make this transition.

 

If you want her back, being vague is something you'll have to do. It also might help her adjust her c0cky attitude and bring her back down to earth. If you feel emotional about her or feel like telling her how you feel, implement NC. Few can actually pull off talking to their ex immediately following a breakup (yes, I think 2 months is still a relatively new breakup). So, if you need to then NC her without notice. This time apart can make a big difference down the road should you plan on implementing other tactics later on.

[kellbell]

I don't think she gave you mixed signals at all per say, you guys have different wants in this situation. She may have broke it off with you but still was able to be nice, doesn't necassarily mean she wants to get back together. She is somewhat feeling guilty of breaking up with you, hence why she contacts you and hangs out with you from time to time. Plus It seems to you that she is giving mixed signals because you are still in love with her, want her back, and reading too much in what she does and says. That's why it is crucial for you to do the NC as way to insure you won't receive mixed signals and be able to move on. Take care and good luck.

[LiquidCherry]

How did you respond when she told you that there is "no way ever"? How did you respond when she told you that she heard from someone else that you were still hurting? I think your reaction *could* make a difference in some small way though I'm not really too sure what way that is. (Sorry, not very helpful I know, but I think it would be best if you had acted somewhat aloof and non caring when she told you this. And maybe possibly surprized that she heard something like that..)

 

I haven't managed NC with my ex and I'm not really sure that I want to either. I don't contact him though and I let him lead.. He does show signs of us getting back together too. Either that or he is stringing me along. If you want to get over her though I think you should go with NC, it's the fastest way to heal, although I'm pretty sure you won't get over her "right this second".

 

You're not being stupid at all. From what you posted it sounds like you're doing everything right (if there even is a right). But bottom line, you need to do what is best for you right now and only you can decide if that is NC or not. If you can handle being friends knowing the possibility that it may never lead to a second chance and still want to be friends.. Go for it. Otherwise..

[TheLostBird]

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[RandomAdvisor]

Wow dude. Who the heck are you telling all this stuff to? Sounds like whoever you've vented to in person is going right back to her and telling her everything.

 

I don't understand her position. Honestly, as much as she appears to be upset I think she actually enjoys the attention she gets from you. I think she's stringing her along. If you really want to save yourself, e-mail her and tell her you've thought about it: it's best you two aren't friends and don't contact each other.

[kellbell]

I agree with someguy, best way to go in this situation. Too much gossip going on there, best to get out that crowd.

[FCTex]

I know NC is way way over used around these forums, and for good reason..

 

 

In your case, I've been there, done that, and I have the trucker hat to show you..

 

 

You havent had ample time to cool off, to "forget" rather. Now, I know you wont forget, but when you are in constant contact with her, you just keep it fresh on your mind.. She's making contact to ease her guilt, and to just know that she can have you when she wants. It's called getting your cake and eating it too. She's doing as she wants, and you need to as well.

 

It's okay to want to talk to her still, personally, I wouldn't. Atleast for a good time from now on out. You need to get the final detachment over with her. She says it's over, and it very well might be.. Accept it that it was over from the beginning and it'll be easier from here on out, I promise you that.

 

Don't allow her to keep you with strings attached. Don't be there to answer her phone calls, or e-mails. Dont meet her for lunch. She needs to understand that if she wants to live, and be free, then she needs to do it without dragging you along for the terribly bumpy ride..

 

Have your own identity in all of this again. Don't be there for her, she wants to be alone, and need to understand these key points of her decision.

 

When she broke it off, she needed to do so under the pretense that when the Relationship was over, the Friendship was ended or put on hold for an extremely long time.

 

I think it's un healthy to hold a friendship with an ex. If it was a long term relationship, and was cherished by both sides, then I see way too much attachment to the situation and being friends doesn't work. One side will always have that "feeling" of difference.

 

Her saying she wants to be friends is her trying to ease the situation in her eyes. She thinks it's an easy way to let it go, and let it off.. She's getting everything she wants, and leaves you with open arms and shattered hearted... Being friends, really doesn't mean you guys will hang out like friends. Ex's hardly ever do that.

 

Have you ever gotten into another relationship and kept an ex on your recent call list on your cell phone? Do you always meet for movies on Monday night? I think not. It's just a cop-out to ease the hurt, and her guilt and second guessing.

 

She's confused, and you need to back out of it all, and get back to your life.

[Ripples]

Say it to her straight from the horses mouth - "I dont want you back"

[Rainz]

Great responses Someguy and FCTex, I totally agree!