I forgive you I FORGIVE ME

[CATLOVER]

Hi Everyone.....Im sorry if this post may be a bit boring but I need to use this board to get something out. I wrote on here at the beginning of the week after I had broken no contact with my ex a few weeks ago whom I broke up with over four months ago now. I broke no contact because I felt ready to forgive and was looking for closure but unfortunately being who he is he just saw it as a sign to push back into my life and just screw me over AGAIN. Anyway Im glad to say after returning to NC on Monday and after a few days of feeling low as low with a hurting heart I feel ready again to forgive. Ive learnt however that I cant tell him directly otherwise Id be going in for another round of pain......and I could write this in my diary but I feel more validated if its witnessed by others.......so Im going to write a letter to J below so I can get this out of my system and hopefully move forward to find some real and lasting love.

 

 

Dear J

I forgive you. I forgive you for lying to me. I forgive you for playing me for your own gain. I forgive you for manipulating me and causing me so much pain. I forgive you for thinking its alright to do what you have been doing to me. It was not alright and it never was alright to do some of the outrages things you have been doing while you have been in my life. I was only looking for love and wanting to give my love....that is all. It hurt me like you wouldnt believe and will never know to have my love and good nature abused the way you have done. Im sorry that your heart is so closed and I know you are in a lot of pain inside but that does not give you the right to make everyone else hurt as well. It took me a long time to realise you are a very sick man and not capable of giving me the love that I deserve. It took me a lot of pain and struggle to get that my love is not enough to help you in any way. I made a big mistake thinking my love was so powerful it would make a difference. I am happy to forgive you for all of it because I can not walk around with a closed heart, that hurts me too much. I really hope for you that one day you will heal and be able to open your heart and love someone fully... I wish for you nothing but happiness and love in your life.

I am moving on now J, Im done......I want to thankyou for being my teacher....through the pain I have learnt many things that I would not have learnt if you didnt come into my life to teach me. Its time for me to let go and move forward to something new. Its time for me to have some loving soft gentle lessons in my life...

I also want to say I have forgiven myself for my part in all the drama that came to pass. I forgive myself for thinking things I had no right thinking and doing things I had no right doing. I forgive you and I forgive me.

Goodluck and best wishes

Love

D

 

 

 

Thanks guys

[Beec]

Good luck.

 

I find that we really need to forgive the ex in roder to move onto the new relationship. When we don't we seem to project all the old anger, suspicion, etc. onto someone who does not deserve it. Glad to see this.

[CATLOVER]

Thanks Beec

 

I dont want to waste any more time walking around feeling bitter......Thanks for reading and replying...I have no one around to talk to as I live alone so this board is really helping me sort through the healing process quicker.

 

Thanks

 

CATLOVER

[HajiMaji]

Im glad to see this. Its all part of the process and you are moving along.

 

Haha, living by yourself during these times isnt the best.