Left for another guy... Now what?

[comets_21]

Hi, my ex, whom I shared a year and a half with... had very deep, caring relationship left me for another guy. She began working with him at the beginning of summer and continued to spend more time with him and other co-workers outside of work. They became close and she began to distance herself from me (Probally because she was having more fun experiencing new things... I take this as being very shallow) Our relationship fell apart and we broke up. She began a relationship with him about a month later. At that time I began NC and stayed strong (other then when she contacts me) and have not shown any feelings towards her. I still feel hurt and still feel deeply about her. Lately I have learned from her good friends that she is not happy in the new relationship and misses me alot. I am left not knowing what to do. I still am remaining in NC since it has helped me heal thus far. I don't know if I can ever look at her the same way after she left me for another person. She has tried to contact me and bring me back in her life, but so far I have pushed her away pretty hard. I was wondering if anyone has gone through something similar or has any suggestions or can offer any support.

[Bigbilly]

So the grass wasn't greener? Tough cookies for her. You're doing good with the NC, but I would recommend you *not* let her get in touch with you. It hurts man, I know. A lot of us know.

 

It's gonna be hard, but I recommend you stay your course and let her sleep in the bed she's made. If you take her back, then she's gonna just have her cake and eat it too ...meaning, she's not going to learn a lesson she clearly needs to learn. And she will just hurt you again.

 

Take some time to yourself. Learn to be happy without her. And, when you're ready, meet some new people and start talking to other women. You can do it.

[RandomAdvisor]

I also think you should stay with NC. Don't get back together with her under any circumstances. She was selfish and thought only of herself when she left you. And now that things aren't going so well, she's thinking of you so you can make her feel good again. More selfishness. Good for you in staying strong with the NC. Keep it up.

[heloladies21]

NC all the way. Don't even let her get a hold of you. Stop asking about her and interrupt people who start telling you about her. Don't research her life, you don't want to know anything more about her. Start talking to other girls. Force yourself if you have to.

[nenez]

Keep up the no contact. You wont feel the same if you get back together. You should feel better about yourself now, knowing that she made a mistake and is not happy in her nrew relationship (sounds mean spirited but it isnt really)

You have a lot more to offer so dont waste it on someone so shallow.

Good luck with meeting new nicer deeper women

With love, as always

Nenezxx

[Fivek]

If she contacts you, tell her to take a hike. You deserve better.

[FCTex]

You can't be the doormat..

 

If she broke up with you, then she didnt take the relationship with what it was worth. If it was truly important to her, she would have done everything in her right mind to keep it going, as would you.

 

She didnt have respect for you, or the relationship.. Simply put, you can earn respect, but can you earn trust back after something like this?

 

More likely than not, it will lead to bigger problems in the future.

 

I'd stay away from it. Allow her to do her thing, she needs some growing up to do.

[comets_21]

Thanks everyone for your support. It really means alot to me. This forum is a great place.

[FCTex]

Your worth something better.

 

Always keep that in mind.

 

When the juice is no longer worth the squeezing.. Give it up.

[J a m e s]

keep NC all the way. if you break it, it will torment your heart even more.

 

can you see yourself with her again, and having that loving relationship you did have? you will be thinking all the wrong things when with her, maybe not at first but a month down the line maybe less maybe longer the pain she caused will creep into the relationsip.

 

you deserve better, and you will find it.

[biloxyblues]

I have been living with this chick for nine years. Went through thick and thin even to educate her. At first it took me a long time to fall in love as she was the one who made advances in the first place. Well, we got our first child and i had to drop out of school so as to suport the family. We later moved to her home town where i started working full time as a night shifter coz it paid well.It went some time and we got another baby. At the same time i urged her to put her self up together and finnish with her schooling, and i payed for it!! No sooner she was done than it would be turn. Unfortunately, the collage there did not offer any engineering courses so we decided to move to another town, where she got a job and i started in my long journey to having a career. This is my second year. No sooner she started working than she started acting funny and leaving home at odd hours let alone being moody. Later this summer ii started recieving weired sms's messages from her male working colleagues. Yes, i confronted her, she denied, later she admitted into having meeting guy that she really fancied and i was then and thereby issued with a red card. Brother it's been tough..contemplating with the whole nightmare, my kids!! ohh my kids..the eldest one doesn't understand why dad cannot be allowed by mummy to move back home. Now i live alone on a single roomed student flat, my finances are in shummbles and the only times i can see my kids is either when she is working on a late shift or when she is out meeting the new guy. The whole thing is rather pscychologically demanding due to the fact that we decided not to uproot the kids from their environs. Now i went to pick up my eldest son from school today, and she told me that she is taking my kids to see her new guy tomorrow..i almost fainted in horror, but..what can i do...?absolutely nothing.