Am I doing the right thing?

[Boricua7]

Hello all.

 

This year has been especially difficult for my sister and I. My parents fight all of the time and it's really affecting us. Long story short, my dad has put us all through WAY too much and my mom deserves better.

 

Lately my sister has been especially low. I have had my share of lows but I have my almost-too-perfect boyfriend-to-be-real boyfriend to lean on. As much as my sister and I talk I feel like I'm not able to get through to her. My dad was especially abusive towards her. With me it was just verbal and emotional abuse. With my sister he was physically abusive as well as verbally and emotionally. I'm proud to say that I finally stood up to him and, with the help of the police and counseling, he has gotten better. My boyfriend has helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I realize now that life is not all bad, that I'm not worthless, and that just because bad things happened to me I am not a horrible person. I wish I could help my sister feel this way but she seems like she's losing hope. Her boyfriend is helping but I feel like it's harder for her to get out of the way of thinking that I was in and see things more optimistically and realize that the things that happened to her were not her fault.

 

I know for a fact that she has been cutting herself. I've seen the cuts that she works so hard to hide. My mom saw it once and asked her what happened and she came up with this story on how her boyfriend's cat scratched the crap out of her. He doesn't even HAVE a cat! All three of us women have an amazing relationship because of all we've had to endure together. Usually it's easier for me to talk to my mom and it's easier for my sister to talk to me. My mom usually talks to the both of us; she tends to talk to me first because I calm her down and then she talks to the both of us. I think the fact that I used to prevent myself from eating as well as smoke to lose weight made it easier for my sister to come to me. I haven't done either of these in about a year and I never went to counseling. I'm really glad she came to me though. I don't know what to tell her. I don't want her to think that what she's doing is ok. I want her to find a way of getting release without having to hurt herself. She told me not to worry because she's not trying to kill herself and she'd been cutting less lately. That's always good to hear, but how am I not supposed to worry?

 

Anyway, my mom eventually came to me and asked me if my sister was indeed cutting herself because she had been suspecting it. I told her the truth because I honestly can't lie to my mom. My mom really wants to talk to my sister but I know if she does my sister will never trust to tell me anything ever again. I don't know what to do. I hate being in the middle of my mother and my sister. I know all my mom wants is to know that my sister is going to be ok. I'm no psychologist but I told her I didn't think my sister was at risk of committing suicide. I know her. It comforted my mom slightly but I know she just wanted my sister to come to her so that she could hold her and comfort her like any mother wants to do for their child.

 

I told my boyfriend and he told me to just continue to be there for my sister; to listen to her. He also told me not to lecture her because that could give her reason not to come to me with her problems. He told me that I did the right thing in informing my mom but not letting my sister be aware that she knew.

 

I'm stuck. I've been taking his advice because that's all I can think to do. He says I am but am I really doing the right thing? Should I be encouraging her to go to a psychiatrist or am I right to believe that doing so would make things worse?

 

HELP!

[RandomAdvisor]

I think you are right to encourage her to seek counseling. If she's cutting, she definitly has some issues that need to be worked out. They're not going to work themselves out by being ignored.

[nenez]

Your boyfriend is very smart. Be there for her. Tell her you understand and reinforce her with love and support. You have a good relationship with your mom and your sister. Use that strength to help her see that everyhting is not all bad.

Sadly she does not have an outseide party to offer that support which is often so helpful (ie your boyfrind) so you need to help her to find that with friends and outside relationships.

Sending her to a psychiatrist will at this stage reinforce that there is somethjing 'wrong' with her and she will not feel better for it. Monitor how she gets on and keep up the tlc.

Good luck to you all, there is light at the end of every tunnel, no matter how long and dark it seems

With love, as always

Nenezxx

[Serendipity1607307077]

You sister definitely needs to seek counselling.

 

Like Nenez says, outside support is very helpful. However, you need to make sure that the relationship between you, your mum and your sister is kept strong. Be there for each other and support each other.

 

It sounds like you have been through a lot with your family, especially your sister, and as with everything, it will take time for her to heal. She needs someone she can talk to and someone who will understand what she is feeling.

[hayleyrosa]

Maybe what she needs isn't direct counseling but a more relaxed approach, in my area there is a drop in couseling center for young people, try and find something like that near you.

Cutting is just a way some people have of coping, don't try and make her stop because she'll just end up feeling even more down.