my dad....

[teacup]

god, what a friggin' loser. i really resent him and i do not respect him.

 

our family is financially struggling right now. we have no income coming in, and we barely get by. for years, my dad is supposed to be the one out there working, with a job to support the family. and my mom stays home to take care of us. this was their agreement.

 

he was always in and out of jobs, always getting laid off, losing his job etc. the last time he lost his job, a few years ago (actually it might be 4-5 years already), he just quit. he quit looking, he didnt even bother. he just stopped working altogether.

 

me and my brother still need to finish school. but we have no money. "dad" seems to be healthy in mind and body, yet all he does is stay home in front of the computer all day, not doing anything. he doesnt have any friends, doesnt try to have a life, isnt fun or interesting. actually, i dislike his personality and find him to be a jerk most of the time though he has his nice moments.

 

im so mad and pissed off. we only have one car in the whole household and this makes it very inconvenient. sometimes, one of us has to go somewhere the whole day, and the rest of us are stranded. it makes it hard to have a social life.

 

seems like no one in this house tries to have a social life anyways.

whatever, he is pathetic and i hate him.

 

my poor mom, i dont think she knew what a pathetic loser she married. he wasnt like this when she married him. he had a job and was doing okay.

 

his excuse for not getting a job is that i've caused him too much stress and pain, that he is an immigrant and his english isnt good enough, and that the job market is going down right now. he says it's his business whether he finds a job or not and no one else's business.

 

but he doesnt even try, he didnt even try to look. he didnt send out a single resume. just up and quit. that is why i hate him so much.

 

i dont respect him, find him pathetic, find him lazy and stupid and mean and ugly and i hate his family, has a bad attitude, pokes his head into everyone's business, worries his head off about political news that has nothing to do with him, has no friends and does not even try to socialize, does not go out, and does nothing. basically i think he just surfs the internet, sleeps, eats and stays home. pathetic. loser. hate him for putting the family in this situation.

 

all our lives would be better with even a little bit of income but no, he's incompetent and a loser.

 

it's okay if i choose to have no relationship with him right? i cant stand him right now and i dont think i'll ever completely forget.

[jna35]

Ouch!!!! I'm sorry for what you are going through. I lived through many years as a kid with financial instability. I know it is hard when things like that happen. The lay-offs are not his fault though, they happen for numerous reasons. My dad was laid off from countless jobs and we struggled a lot. But we always managed to make it and I lvoe my dad very much, always have, always will. As for your dad quitting, I don't know why he did that, but I think your dad probably feels less of a man for not being able to provide for all of you, even though he may not come right out and say it. It sounds to me like your dad may be depressed about where his life is. If that is the case, he needs to get help for that and will need the support not the ire from his family. I understand that you are angry at him for not providing for your family. It is easy to sit in judgement of others without having walked a day in their shoes. Maybe your mom could get a job. Is there something stopping her from doing that? It's all well and good that their "arrangement" was for her to stay home and for him to work, but "stuff" happens and sometimes the best laid plans need to change. Also, I didn't notice if you are in the U.S. or not, but if you are then the welfare dept. can help your family while you are getting back on your feet. Are you old enough to get a part time job? If you are, then perhaps that would help alleviate a little stress. It would get you out of the house and give you a little money to buy some of the things you need. You asked if it was "right" to choose not to have a relationship with him. Only you can decide that, but he is your dad and the only one you have, so I would think long and hard before cutting him out of your life completely. Don't make any hasty decisions that you will regret later.

[teacup]

my mom refuses to get a job. i dont know what stops her, but she is incompetent and dependent too.

 

he may be depressed but he denies it. says it's his business. and wont get help. so whatever. i see what he put us through.

 

i dont want to deal with him. it's pathetic that someone with two master's degrees will not look for a job. pathetic.

[jna35]

How was he before he quit his last job? Do you remember anything that happened that may have prompted him to quit so suddenly? Anyway, I know how frustrating that must be for you to watch. I'm assuming you are young and I know it took a toll on me, always worrying about where the money was going to come from. Fortunately, I married someone who has a VERY strong work ethic as I need that stability. Maybe your mom feels inept since she has been staying at home all these years. It's a scary place to be in and sometimes our fears overpower all logic. As for your dad, it really does sound like he's depressed to me. I don't know what he does for a living, but in certain fields the job market is tough and depending on his age, that can be a barrier too. Being an adult is a heck of a responsibility and it can be quite challenging at times and frightening. It is really sad that all the hard work he put into his education is going to waste. But without being him, we don't know what is motivating him to give up. He sounds like a defeated man to me and that is not pathetic, just sad. I hope he is able to find his way again and that you will find some consolation as well.

[teacup]

he can give up in 3-4 years when we have all graduated college. then i dont care what he does. if he wants to retire then, it would be fine. i wouldnt forget about my parents even when im able to make my own money and income. but jesus, right now is a rotten time.

 

we need the money for school and for basic needs and it's hard, it's hard everyone else working hard. i am embarrassed to even let others know that he is out of a job and that we have no income. i dont even know what to say, i dont want other ppl to know. it feels shameful and i dont want to be pitied. i have too much pride.

 

yeah, he's defeated, probably depressed. i dont know. doesnt seem like it. he's not in touch with his own issues or himself. he doesnt do any work around the house (well except for the garden.) and im tired of seeing him all the damn time.

 

yeah sometimes i feel sorry for him. but then he put me through a lot of rotten stuff too so sometimes im just plain angry. it friggin' sucks. i hope he gets a damn job somewhere.

 

yeah hopefully i will find a guy who is ambitious, goal oriented, works hard, has a positive attitude and does not give up. everything my dad isnt.

[BellaDonna]

I don't know why but I kind of feel bad for your dad. I don't know the whole story...but I almost get a picture of a man who has the world on his shoulders, and is in a depression while his entire family thinks low of him.

 

Don't get me wrong- I agree- as old fashioned as it may seem...that a "man should work" and "provide for his family". My husband has an excellant work ethic- bordering workaholic.....I actually wish he'd work a little less and enjoy life more. I also would never expect him to work while I stayed home though...unless it was dirctly following the birth of a child...and even then I would like to maintain at least part-time work.

 

But I do think that if your parents made an agreement that he would work and she would take care of the children -then he should follow through.

 

Unemployment of people who are physcially and mentally able to work is something that annoys me to no end. LAZINESS is never acceptable in my eyes.

 

However- a man is also human. No man is superman. We can't always expect them to be heroes. In my opinion, our society gives men very limiting roles...and when they can't live up to them- the toll on their self-esteem can be devastating. This is why men have higher suicide reates, more alcohol and drug addictions, and more heart attacks.

 

Do you think your dad could be in a depression? Do you think he uses the computer to escape reality? It could be mroe than just laziness operating here.

 

It sounds like your family could benefit from some family counseling because there are a lot of different things going on.

 

In the meantime, I think you should get a part-time job so that you can ensure that you have the things you need. I paid for a bachelor's and master's degree on my own. Yes it's hard to go to college full time and work too, but it can be done. Your dad may not have a good work ethic- but you can.

 

hopefully i will find a guy who is ambitious, goal oriented, works hard, has a positive attitude and does not give up. everything my dad isnt

 

There's nothing wrong with that. It's a great thing to strive for. Just keep in mind that men are human too. There may be times in their lives when they are going through a tough time, for whatever the reason, and are unable to provide.

 

BellaDonna