I don't understand him....

[Wonderland]

I am in love with my boyfriend with whom I've been with for a little over a year and have lived with since May. He moved here awhile back for work with his fiance at the time and she ended up leaving him almost a month and a half after they had moved here because she missed being with her family.

 

Well, we live in the same apartment complex and I used to wave to him when I walked my dogs and he would wave back. He was always on his balcony reading a book. One day I asked how his fiance was doing and he told me she had moved away almost a month and a half before that. I felt stupid for my question, be he didn't seem to mind. He came downstairs and talked to me about my dogs, and my roomate happened to come home from work. We all talked for awhile and he asked us to go out to dinner with him and he would pay. He said he was tired of eating alone.

 

Well, we hit it off really well and all three of us went back to his apartment after dinner to hang out. My roomate left around 10:30 but I didn't have to be at work the next day so I stayed behind. He and I talked until 5am! We did this 4 times a week. Nothing but talking!! He was so interested in what I had to say.

 

Well, days turned to weeks, and weeks into months... I was spending the night more often than not, it was practically like i was living there. I did not officially move in until May, but that was only because my roomate ran out on the lease and I had no where else to stay and he offered for me to live with him.

 

Well, his outburts had started before I had officially moved in, but progressed after I shared his apartment. He's prone to fits of rage, and gets upset easily. When he's mad, he will call me every curse word imaginable and tell me that he hates me. Normally, I don't know what it is I've done to make him mad. Sometimes I have done something, other times, I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

For example, he was in the kitchen making popcorn one evening and he stubbed his toe on the dog food bowl. I'm sure it hurt, as it is a huge ceramic bowl. Well, he doesn't take pain well so his reaction was to punch... and he punched the kitchen cabinet. Well, that made the pain worse and his knuckles swelled up. I ran to get him a baggie of ice from the freezer and as soon as I stepped foot into the kitchen, he took his anger out on me. He looked at me & told me to get the (you know what) out of the kitchen and then proceeded to call me every dirty word that I'd ever heard. He then yelled at the top of his lungs "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!! I WISH (exfiance's name) was still here!!!" All I could do was cry. When he had calmed down, i asked him why he would say such a thing and he said "Oh baby, I was just mad, I love you"

 

I would say that the name calling happens 3 to 4 times a week. Weekdays are not too bad because we are at work most of the day. I only have from the time I get hom from the time we go to bed to actually upset him, so I do my best to watch what I say & do. Typically, what makes him yell & call me names is if I have not done the laundry, or the dishes or something like that.

 

We have three dogs. A couple of weeks ago, it had rained and the ground was kind of muddy. We had taken the dogs for a walk and c ome back into the apartment. The dogs had go a little bit of the mud on the carpet. Well, he flipped out on me. I told him it was just mud, I could clean it up. He said "You don't even care that there is mud on the carpet do you? You don't pay rent, so WHY would you care?!?!" and he continued to flip out. Well, I had had enough of him throwing a fit, so I said "IT'S MUD, NOT ACID!! IT'S NOT GOING TO EAT THROUGH THE FLOOR!!!" and I grabbed the scrub brush. He looked at me and said "Yeah, you better start cleaning that stuff up (insert appropriate curse word here).

 

Well, the night before last was the worst example of his fits. We took the dogs to the dog park. Our biggest dog had yanked the leash from my boyfriend's hand and was running everywhere chasing other dogs and having fun with the leash flapping behind him in the wind. We called and chased after him, but he wouldn't come to us. When we finally caught him, my boyfriend said "We're leaving NOW!". I protested, as we'd only been there 10 minutes and told him that it wasn't fair to tease the dogs like that. He shot me a look and I grabbed the other two dogs and we got into the car. As soon as I had sat down, he started yelling at me. "You fat (curse word curse word)!! Who do you think you are? You think you can just disrespect me in public like that?!?! You fat (curse word curse word)! When we get home you better start packing your stuff. I don't care where you go, i just want you and all the animals out of my life. I hate you!" He did this the whole 20 minutes back to the apartment.

 

When we got home, I felt like I was going to vomit, so I shut myself into the bathroom. He went to the bedroom. He came back about an hour later (i was still in the bathroom, crying) and hugged me and said he was so sorry for what he had called me and he even got a little teary-eyed. But then he said that I should not have disrespected him in public like that. He said that he is the man, and if he says that we need to leave, we need to leave. He said he did not want me to move out & he loved me with all his heart. We laughed and joked all night and had an awesome evening.

 

Well, the next morning, I knew I was gonna get it. We had been involved in the drama all night so that I had no time to clean up the apartment. Well, when he got up and realised that the laundry wasn't done, he wigged out on me and told me he did not want me in his life anymore. He sat down on the bed and started to cry. He asked me why I always have to make him so upset all the time. When I saw him cry, I started to cry. I tried to give him a hug, and he shoved me off of him. I cried harder, and left the room. He followed and said he shouldnt have touched me, but i needed to call my mom and see if I could move back in with her.

 

Later that day, he called me at work. He sounded like he normally does and said that he was going to make me dinner that night and take me to a movie friday night (the one I had been wanting to see, but knew he wouldn't want to see) and then the zoo on Saturday. He asked if I was ok, because I had been so upset the night before and that morning. He said he loved me so much and he would see me when he got home.

 

Is this normal? Am I being overly sensitive? Does this happen with every relationship? I was told that it might be verbal abuse, but I hate to think that of the person I am in love with.

 

I don't want to leave him, I just want him to stop calling me names and making me feel worthless. What can I do to fix it?

[RayKay]

Is this normal? Am I being overly sensitive? Does this happen with every relationship? I was told that it might be verbal abuse, but I hate to think that of the person I am in love with.

 

I don't want to leave him, I just want him to stop calling me names and making me feel worthless. What can I do to fix it?

 

NO this is not normal, NO you are not being overly sensitive, and NO this does not happen in every relationship! It IS verbal and emotional abuse - and he is doing it "well"...he has you on a cycle of highs and lows - he berates you and dehumanizes you, then apologizes, makes you feel "loved" again, even makes it seem like HE was right all along anyway and you overreacted. And then does it again. He blames YOU for making him angry all the time? That's BS...and I think you know it too.

 

He is horrible, treating you horribly...I would wonder if the reason he gave for his fiancee leaving (her family) is the true reason.

 

The best thing you can do to "fix it" - is to leave. Before your self esteem plummets and/or it escalates. He can only change himself, and right now it does not sound like he is anywhere near to that.

 

He does NOT see you as a beautiful strong women, whom he loves - he views you as a possession, as his to control and use.

 

My boyfriend would never DREAM of calling me names, or berating me for not doing the laundry one day, or getting mud on the carpet. Heck I accidentally wash my cycling jerseys with powerbar wrappers and kleenex all the time making a mess - and he just laughs about it as one of my quirks...it bothered him at first, but he never got ANGRY at me for it, or berated me, and now just laughs at it.

 

He truly sounds horrible sweetie, this is NOT a safe or healthy relationship, or one based on friendship or mutual respect. I know you hope he will change, but he won't until he accepts HE is the one with a problem and seeks help..and he is certainly not doing that. He even says well "he's the man" so he can tell you what to do - what the heck is up with that? Does that sound normal to you?

 

Leave, now. Call your mom and get her to move you out when he is not home one day, ensure you do not meet him alone or talk to him alone, I fear for you, I really do.

[Hope75]

I completely agree with everything RayKay said.

 

This is NOT normal, and is NOT a part of the normal ups and downs of a healthy, respectful relationship. This guy's temper is out of control and he's taking out things on you that don't even have to do with you.

 

He's VERY controlling, and this is never a good sign, he's working very carefully to break you down and I fear that if you don't leave now it will escalate to physical abuse as well as verbal and emotional abuse.

 

Someone who treats you this way does not love you, I suspect he does not know what love is. In a safe, loving, healthy and respectful relationship, one person would NEVER yell at the other person for not doing the laundry or for wanting to stay at the dog park for more than 10 minutes. What does he mean by he's the man and you need to do what he says?? This is not 1856, that is unacceptable, each couple has an equal right to make decisions and be respected by the other. It's completely barbaric.

 

There is NO acceptable excuse for the way he flies off the handle and degrades you with name calling. I think you know this.... or you would not have posted here.

 

If you can go home and live with your mom I think you need to, ASAP. I'm sorry that this is happening to you, but there is NOTHING that you can do to stop it or change it if you stay with him, he blames you for his outbursts and is not accepting responsibility. The reason you can't change it is because it has NOTHING to do with you.

 

The best and safest thing for you to do is to get out while you can.

[Wonderland]

Its all easier said than done, really.

 

Do I like being treated this way? No.

But to leave behind everything I love? (Him, one of our dogs, the cat, etc...) I just can not bring myself to do it.

 

I don't feel that going to my mother's is a good option. I would be bringing two dogs and a parrot with me, and they already have 4 dogs at their house. To bring my animals in, well, the city could take them away, as you are only allowed 4 dogs or cats, in any combination. I refuse to part with my animals. These are my furry children and I love them more than anything.

 

I don't have the money, or the credit to get my own place. I don't have anyone else I could stay with.

 

Leaving isn't really an option. And I figure that if he wasn't always this way to me, and it isn't like this all the time, just when he gets upset, then maybe I can fix it...

[Hope75]

I see you have a boatload of excuses why you aren't willing to leave him. Staying with your mother should/could only be a temporary measure, until you find your own place where you can bring your pets. Most states, though they have the 4 dog rule before you need a kennel lisense, aren't that strict as long as people clean up after their dogs and the dogs are fairly well behaved.

 

If you had an apartment before with a room mate, you can do it again. Leaving is absolutely an option, one that you can and should exercise.

 

This guy is not going to chance. I've been there, and it only gets worse. You can not change him because the problem is NOT you. I wonder why his fiance really left.

 

Are you prepared to deal with this emotional abuse for the rest of your life because you are afraid of being along vs' being with someone who treats you like a possesion, rather than a partner to be loved, respected and treasured?

[RayKay]

 

Leaving isn't really an option. And I figure that if he wasn't always this way to me, and it isn't like this all the time, just when he gets upset, then maybe I can fix it...

 

I advise you really listen to Hope - she has been in a VERY similar situation...and when she says he is not going to change, shes right.

 

There are ways. You can find ways.

 

Place an ad to find a new roomate, or find a friend to move in with. You HAVE done it before. You do not have to stay with your mom forever. It seems you are looking for excuses..it would seem his manipulation of fear is already working..because you already are beginning to believe this is normal, and you deserve it, and you need him...and its ALL bull.

 

Leaving IS an option. The problem is he IS always this way to you - him being upset is NO reason to be abusive - NONE at all. Poll most of the people on this site and ask them if they think being upset or not doing the laundry is reason for someone to verbally and emotionally abuse and call someone names...I guarantee the overwhelming answer would be no way. From both men and women.

 

You can't fix it..because only HE can fix himself.

 

The thing you don't see is even when he is nice and apologizes, its part of the manipulation. Giving you a high to keep you around...but then he does the abuse again...its not going to change unless he ADMITS he's at fault, and gets himself into therapy and help.

 

Do you think its normal to live in fear of upsetting your partner, in fear because you did not have time to do the dishes, or the laundry? Do you think that is healthy? Do you think you deserve to be called names because some mud gets on the carpet?

 

 

Do you want to be with someone whom treats you like this the rest of your life? It will only get harder to leave...but that's the reality - NOT leaving means you are accepting from him this treatment.

[Wonderland]

 

If you had an apartment before with a room mate, you can do it again. Leaving is absolutely an option, one that you can and should exercise.

 

 

 

 

I can not get an apartment. I am in debt with the complex i was in with my roomate. What happened was she ran out on the lease, left me there with no electricity. Said she was going to keep paying her half of the lease, but continue to live with her parents, as she didn't want to deal with the electric company. She has been my friend since 3rd grade, and so I had her sign off on the lease and talked to the complex and got set up to get my own one bedroom apartment. Well, halfway through getting everything set up, I lost my job and was unable to find another job that would pay enough to cover all the expenses of living alone. Cue boyfriend. This is where he stepped in and helped me.

 

I still do not have the money to get my own apartment.

 

And no one seems to understand that I love him with all of my heart. He is my best friend. I have trouble understanding why he does this, but I love him none the less.

[RayKay]

And no one seems to understand that I love him with all of my heart. He is my best friend. I have trouble understanding why he does this, but I love him none the less.

 

We know you love him, but its not healthy, and what he does to YOU is NOT love. Best friends don't shove, scream, berate and humiliate one another.

 

Maybe you love him, but you need to love YOURSELF more.

 

I advise you read some of the posts in the abuse and violence forum from women who have been where you are - because it will be you if you stay.

[Hope75]

And no one seems to understand that I love him with all of my heart. He is my best friend. I have trouble understanding why he does this, but I love him none the less.

 

I'm sure you do love him, but that is not enough. Do you think it's normal to be attacked verbally for not washing the laundry, or because your dogs got mud on the carpet? Do you think he shows you respect when you calls you profane names and tells you he hates you and wishes his ex finace was there? A healthy relationship is a two way street, where both partners love and respect one another, and no one tries to be "the boss" and tell the other what to do.

 

He stubbed his toe on a dog food bowl, and he flipped out at you when you tried to get him some ice. Does that sound like respect and love to you? Don't you think that in addition to loving someone, that you deserve to be loved and respected too?

 

That, my friend, is not love. It is control and manipulation, as RayKay said. You have an option to get out and stay with your mother. You can certainly do that and look for a job and get on your feet again.

 

When I left my abusive ex after 5 years of living together I was 23, and had to go home with my 2 dogs and my 2 cats and live with my parents too. Was it my favorite thing to do? No! But I knew it was a safe option for me and that I needed to get out, just as you do now. It is not a permanant thing.

 

I am sure that you would miss him and that you are afraid to lose him and start over, but Honey really, this is NOT healthy, and it's NOT something that you can change. You should NOT have to live in fear and watch your P's and Q's around this guy for fear of setting him off. I suspect you aren't happy living with a walking time bomb, and there's always the possibility that one day he will follow through with his threats and throw you out anyway.

 

Ask yourself, what would you do in that case? Then do it now.

[Wonderland]

Moving home, to my parents house means that I would have to invade upon my little sister's privacy. She took my room when I moved out and they turned her old excuse for a room into an office. They was hardley enough space in her old room for her daybed. It would mean that my 12 year old sister, who finally got a room and nice furniture, would have to share her room, her closet, her bed with her almost 22 year old joke of a sister who can't afford to get her own place.

 

It isn't fair for me to do that to her. I can't just come home and depend upon my parents again.

 

I have thought about calling his parents. I met his dad in August when he came down and he was a really great guy who made a big deal over me and told Jason how great I was and how he needed to keep me around (right infront of me) and how lucky he was to have me instead of his exfiance.

 

I hav enever met his mother though, but I feel like they would want to know what is going on. But then again, I feel like I would be betraying him by doing this. Honestly, I feel like I'm betraying him by talking about this. I wouldn't want him posting all my faults to the whole world via the internet...

 

Would calling his parents help? Maybe they could arrange a way for him to get back into counseling (he had something happen as a kid, and then he got into some trouble as a teenager, both ended him up in counseling) and on meds if he needed to.

 

But am I stepping over the line by calling them? I cant tell my parents... they can not give me an unbiased opinion about this. I am their child so naturally they are going to take my side...

[RayKay]

And his parents will take his side...since he IS their child. Kids often learn from their parents about relationships too...so you have no idea what might be their parents relationship...

 

He's an ADULT, its not his parents who should arrange for him to go into counselling - it is HIM that needs to say "hey I have a problem".

 

Stop thinking how you are imposing - I am POSITIVE if your family knew you needed help, imposing on them would be the last thing they would be worried about.

[Wonderland]

But I do know that if it were the other way around, and he contacted my parents and told them that I was calling him names and was upset all the time, my parents would kick my butt and get me help asap.

[lunatic]

Ok Listen here Wonderland.

 

I am a guy and I see the pattern of abuse being set up by him. It does sound like he has issues with depression and anger. I would suggest that you do go home and try to square your life up so you can get back on your feet. This man is going to REALLY REALLY HURT YOU on day and not emotionally either. He sounds like he is one of those men that you hear horror stories on Opera.

 

YOU NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! One day instead of telling you he hates you he is going to hit you or worse. The girls (RayKay and Hope) are trying to help you see that this is not a good place to be in. As Hope said she was there and did not see the pattern till after she left. I too was in an abusive relationship myself but, she was verbally and emotionally abusive to me. I know how it feels to walk on egg shells all day and night long so you don't "upset" your partner.

 

I realize your going to do what is in your mind already and I hope it involves thinking about what we are telling you. This guy is a controlling and abusive man. I almost choked on my lunch when I read the "I am the man" line. That is the biggest crock of BS I have ever heard. Please PLEASE PLEASE think about going back to your mom's house and get yourself back on your feet.

 

Sweetie you don't deserve the name calling and you don't deserve the "I HATE YOU". You do not deserve to be called a fat what ever. Your deserve to be treated like an equal and not a possession. Please for your own sake get the hell out of there ASAP. Don't waste anymore time thinking about how to fix it because it is true that the only fixing that needs to be done is with you!

 

Please leave him NOW!

[RayKay]

But I do know that if it were the other way around, and he contacted my parents and told them that I was calling him names and was upset all the time, my parents would kick my butt and get me help asap.

 

But you are mistaking what you feel, and what your parents would do for how he feels and what his parents would do.

 

The bottom line is that YOU cannot fix him. HE needs to realize his problem and take responsibility for HIS actions. And this is something you sort of keep flirting over...IS he accepting responsibility for his actions and working on them - or is he blaming you for getting him angry in first place. He's a classic abuser. I was with someone VERY much like him, though not to same extent or as bad, but someone whom would blame me for everything and sometimes have fits of verbal abuse towards me when drinking..and it took its toll on my self esteem...fortunately the relationship ended and I realized how much I deserved better. But I at the time blamed myself for being too needy, clingy, and so forth...but really, he had no right to treat me that way. But that was no where near what Hope, or you, have gone and are going through.

 

Abuse signs from link removed. Also pay attention to ones I bolded that I see fit you, there may be others though that apply to you too.

 

Do you wonder if your relationship may be abusive? Ask yourself the questions below. If you answer 'yes' to more than a few, you may want to take a closer look:

 

Does your partner:

 

 

ignore your feelings?

 

disrespect you?

 

ridicule or insult you then tell you its a joke, or that you have no sense of humor?

 

ridicule your beliefs, religion, race, heritage or class?

 

withhold approval, appreciation or affection?

 

give you the silent treatment?

 

criticize you, call you names, yell at you?

 

humiliate you privately or in public?

 

give you a hard time about socializing with your friends or family?

 

make you socialize (and keep up appearances) even when you don't feel well?

 

seem to make sure that what you really want is exactly what you won't get?

 

tell you are too sensitive?

 

hurt you especially when you are down?

 

seem energized by fighting, while fighting exhausts you?

 

have unpredictable mood swings, alternating from good to bad for no apparent reason?

 

present a wonderful face to the world and is well liked by outsiders?

 

"twist" your words, somehow turning what you said against you?

 

try to control decisions, money, even the way you style your hair or wear your clothes?

 

complain about how badly you treat him or her?

 

threaten to leave, or threaten to throw you out?

 

say things that make you feel good, but do things that make you feel bad?

 

ever left you stranded?

 

ever threaten to hurt you or your family?

 

ever hit or pushed you, even "accidentally"?

 

seem to stir up trouble just when you seem to be getting closer to each other?

 

abuse something you love: a pet, a child, an object?

 

compliment you enough to keep you happy, yet criticize you enough to keep you insecure?

 

promise to never do something hurtful again?

 

harass you about imagined affairs?

 

manipulate you with lies and contradictions?

 

destroy furniture, punch holes in walls, break appliances?

 

drive like a road-rage junkie?

 

act immature and selfish, yet accuse you of those behaviors?

 

question your every move and motive, somehow questioning your competence?

 

interrupt you; hear but not really listen?

 

make you feel like you can't win? damned if you do, damned if you don't?

 

use drugs and/or alcohol involved? are things worse then?

 

incite you to rage, which is "proof" that you are to blame?

 

try to convince you he or she is "right," while you are "wrong?"

 

frequently say things that are later denied or accuse you of misunderstanding?

 

treat you like a sex object, or as though sex should be provided on demand regardless of how you feel?

 

Your situation is critical if the following applies to you:

 

 

 

You express your opinions less and less freely.

 

You find yourself walking on eggshells, careful of when and how to say something.

 

You long for that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to emerge

 

You find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior.

 

You feel emotionally unsafe.

 

You feel its somehow not OK to talk with others about your relationship.

 

You hope things will change... especially through your love and understanding.

 

You find yourself doubting your memory or sense of reality.

 

You doubt your own judgment.

 

You doubt your abilities.

 

You feel vulnerable and insecure.

 

You are becoming increasingly depressed.

 

You feel increasingly trapped and powerless.

 

You have been or are afraid of your partner.

 

Your partner has physically hurt you, even once.

 

If you feel your relationship may be verbally and emotionally abusive, talk to people you trust. Talk to clergy, call your local battered women's shelter, educate yourself, seek professional help. Do not allow verbal and emotional abuse to escalate to battery!

 

Notice I bolded EVERYTHING in the part about how you feel..because you ARE being abused.

 

 

I found another good page describing emotiona abuse signs, symptoms and results: link removed

[Wonderland]

I just want to thank everyone for their help so far.

 

He is taking me to dinner and a movie tonight, and I think I will try to talk to him about things over dinner.

 

When we went camping this summer, he threw a fit and told me he was ten minutes from breaking up with me because the wind kept picking up our tent while we were putting it up. He threw the hammer in my general direction (he wasn't aiming at me) and left to go fishing. I finished putting up the 7 person tent alone and he came back an hour later. He asked me to sit down and talk with him. he told me that he knows that he is extremley mean to me sometimes and doesn't understand why I would stay, but he does love me. I told him I stay because I love him, and we could work on any problems we have together.

 

To me, this seems like he wants to change... just needs to be set up in the right direction

[darkblue]

You are blinded by your rose-tinted glasses, with this man on a pedestal.

He will not change while he has you wrapped around his little finger.

Why should he?

 

I don't think you'll take my suggestions seriously; but if I were you, I would run; not walk - out of this relationship.

At least while you still can.

[darkblue]

link removed

Read it, relate to it and get out of that relationship.

[Hope75]

This is another classic abuser tactic. After they act out and hurt you emotionally or physically they apologize, tell you that they are wrong and that they want to change. However, it doesn't happen. If this is still going on that's a pretty good indicator to you that he isn't willing or ready to even think about changing. Can you guess what's going to happen tonight when you bring this up?

 

I came from a family with 4 children. I am the second oldest. When I came home at age 23, I had to sleep in a room that was barely bigger than a closet. Know what? It was better than being abused emotionally and broken down by my ex fiance. Your parents will help you no matter what your age is.

 

You are NOT an excuse for a sister. You are being abused and you need help and you need to get out and this is the way to do it. You would be foolish to brush this off.

 

Personally, I think you are making excuses left and right because you don't want to leave him, not because you can't.

 

It's unfortunate that you might not be ready or willing to recognize the classic signs of abuse, but know that this is abuse, and that you do not deserve it, and by staying there you show him every day that you accept this treatment. Another reason for him not to do anything about it.

 

You are 22 years old. That is not too old to go home and get some support from your family. I had to move home with my parents again last year for a few months when I went through a breakup, at age 29. I was in college full time and not working, I couldn't afford to go anywhere else. Your parents love you and I suspect they would be horrified if they knew what was going on and would want you to get out and come home. No age is too old to ask for help from someone who loves you.

 

Don't let pride make you act stupidly. You are a smart person, you recognize that this is wrong, and now you need to take action and remove yourself from the situation before it gets worse, and believe me, it will.

 

You've only been there since May. Don't make this a 5 year oddessy of abuse and pain like I did. Please respect and love yourself enough to leave this man.

[HellFrost666]

 

 

 

 

Is this normal? Am I being overly sensitive? Does this happen with every relationship? I was told that it might be verbal abuse, but I hate to think that of the person I am in love with.

 

I don't want to leave him, I just want him to stop calling me names and making me feel worthless. What can I do to fix it?

 

No, you aren't being "overly sensative." You are, however being overly niave if you think this is normal.

 

Reading this made me really mad. My girlfriend's soon-to-be ex husband was the same way to her. It isn't going to get better, he isn't going to change. What can you do to fix it? Leave.

[sonjam]

Girl, seriously, talking is not going to make this guy better. And I agree with Hope and Raykay, I think you think you are in love with him, and you keep on making excuses for his behaviour.

 

All the posts up to now told you all you need to know, I suggest you read and read them, until it finally sinks in. But allas, there is none as blind as those who will not see.

 

All I wanted to add to your thread is:

 

THE ABUSE IS ESCALATING; HE WILL SOON BE HARMING YOU PHYSICALLY.

 

Just a warning, but I can see it from a mile away. This guy will not just be calling you names in a little while. He will be physically harming you, slapping you, pushing, kicking etc. I'm afraid for your safety, and I want you to think about this seriously. Of course afterwards he will cry, promise he will never do it again, say it was your fault, apologise, buy you flowers, take you to dinner, all the regular stuff abusers do.

 

Also, I would not recommend you go to his parents behind his back. If you cannot deal with this matter in a normal, healthy way without him calling you names, or either of you getting overly exited, then you should leave. This is not the guy for you. Start saving, you will be needing money shortly to get outta there!!

nd his back, it will definitely escalate the violence/abuse.

 

Please give this some thought!!!

[Hope75]

Wonderland,

 

I realize that reading this you are probably thinking that we are all in cahoots in some creepy conspiracy to make you leave your bf.

 

I want you to think about a few things though. Other than this website, none of us know each other. We all come from different walks of life and have different life experiences. We are in different stages of singledom or relationships, marriage or children. We have different levels of education, different socio-economic status, and yet, we are all telling you the same thing.

 

We don't get anything if you leave this man. Do you think there is a reason that all these different people are telling you the same thing?

[RandomAdvisor]

Do you think there is a reason that all these different people are telling you the same thing?

 

I'm going to go out on a limb here... This is a long shot, so don't laugh at me if I'm wrong!

 

Maybe it's because they're all right?

 

Leave him! No one deserves to be treated that way by someone who is supposed to love them.