Doomed?

[loveridden]

Hi there. I'd like to start off by saying hello to everyone who's reading & thank you to anyone who responds.

 

I have been dating V for about nine months and things have gone very smoothly so far. Recently I changed jobs and our work hours now totally clash. In the past, when our hours were similar, I'd always drive to his house in the middle of the night when we were both off of work and see him. I live about 30 minutes away and there were many times when I was really tired and had had a long and shitty day, but I'd make the trip to see him fairly regularily. He'd come to my house on the weekends sometimes, but rarely during the workweek even though we'd be getting up at about the same time. Now I'm going to be working days, although the past two weeks I've been in training mid-day throughout the week. Still getting up at about the same time as him until next week, but I've been trying to get myself on an early schedule. I told him months ago that this change was coming up and I probably wouldn't see him during the week very often. But twice now he has called me before his late shift and offered to come over after work. "Great", I say, "See you then". Then I'd stay up later than I should and wait for him. And both times he's called an cancelled because he didn't feel like coming over after all. WHAT IS THAT?! After I wait up for him? After I shave everything, make the bedroom up nice for him, set the coffee maker for two and everything? He doesn't feel like coming over?

 

I certainly expressed my displeasure to him tonight. I didn't freak or anything, just told him I was upset that he's done this to me twice now this week. The thing is, I wasn't the one who asked him over either time. I saw him yesterday, I'll see him on the weekend. Whatever. I didn't really want to wait up, but I when he suggested we get together I thought it might be nice to see him for a bit.

 

I think it's really rude and selfish of him to do this to me after nine months of me going out of my way for him all of the time. When I accepted this job, I never expected him to come here after work and get up early with me in the morning. No, no, no. But he goes and makes the plans and makes me wait then calls me last minute and cancels. Now I feel like crap. In the past, I've given and given until it hurt, and I've promised myself not to let another man walk all over me. Still, I agreed to see him tomorrow night so now I feel like I'm just seeing him at his convenience. I could tell him last minute that I've changed my mind, but I don't want to play games.

 

He's been a really good guy, but for all I know things will go bad if I let stuff like this happen. I'm scared. I think I am in love with him and I'm afraid of getting hurt, but then again I don't want to overreact about this.

 

Should I just let it go and see him tomorrow? Or am I letting myself be the doormat again?

 

 

 

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[Shy_Guy]

Can you two have a heartfelt discussion about this? It certainly seems in order. Your anger is justified to a good degree, as long as you use it as a constructive motivation to search (together with him) for a solution. It could be that he feels as though HE's being ignored (not necessarily implying this is entirely justified on his behalf).

 

More than anything, it just sounds as though you're just....out of sync....

 

Don't let it become a wedge between you. Try to talk it over with him, but remember, you have every right to expect to be treated in a polite and civil manner. If he can't give this to you, you deserve better.

 

Hope this helps!

[SwingFox]

Hello loveridden,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that you feel so bad over this young man at the moment. I understand that you feel very disappointed over the fact that you have tried so much to please him and that he failed to make his appointments with you twice.

 

I love the words that Shy_Guy used. He is absolutely right about this situation and I totally agree with him. My suggestion also would be to sit down and have a constructive discussion over how you felt. Hear him out and see where you could meet in the middle with this. Make sure that you feel comfortable with the solution that you both came up with.

 

I compliment you with your communicative skills. You have shown maturity in the way you posted your advice request. I am sure that this is a great basis for you to communicate your problem with your b/f now.

 

I wish you good luck and hope that things will work out the way you have them planned.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[pimpcess]

A relationship should be 50/50, this is about 80/20, if that.