Everytime i take a step towards him.. he takes 2 steps back.

[girl_83]

hi, i just need some advice as to what im planning to do. I need to know if its a good idea or if it will just make things worse

 

My bf and i have been together for 1 year. Im extremely clingy and needy as much as i hate to addmit it. I call him often and he really finds this habbit of mine annoying.. he said so himself. I love him very much, and yes this relationship has been a rollercoster ride and im not planning get off this ride anytime soon

 

Heres what i thought i should do but i am not quite sure if its a good idea. I've realised that i dont give my bf any space, or time to miss me. I call him everynight and expect him to talk to me for at least an hour. He works all day and when he gets home he is pretty tired but i still would like it if he calls me up and spoke for a while. Sometimes he calls and some nights he tells me he's too tired and that he just wants to sleep. Anyways i thought to myself that everytime i get in this guys face he takes 2 steps back. Everytime i become annoying he takes 2 steps back and when he does this, it makes me run to me and get in his face even more which then becomes a vicious cycle which leads me to becoming annoying and him getting fed up.

 

I was thinking that maybe i should take a few steps back.. give him time, not call him as much and not pick up his calls some nights. I think i should start giving him a bit of a challenge because at the moment im not giving him any challenge what so ever. He knows everytime he calls i'll be there to talk as long as he wants and everytime he asks to see me, he knows i'll come running to him

 

So i thought to myself, maybe i should take back a few steps and see if he notices, i want to see if he will take those steps towards me or will he just keep taking those steps back. I dont know if this makes any sense and i hope it does. I just want to know if this is a good idea, or will this make him lose interest in me, because right now he doesnt seem to have much interest in me because i have given him 100% control of this relationship. I just want to earn some of that control, i dont want him to get bored of me, nor do i want him to get annoyed. Anyone have any advice as to what i should do, or of my idea is any good?? Im just really confused at the moment and im trying so hard to make this relationship work.

 

Thanks in advance for any responses

[dreamy333]

whoa

how old is he. for one if you guys are serious there is no reason on why he cant call u everynight even if it is to say hello and goodbye. i am also needy so i understand where u are coming from but you dont need to play games like dont answering the phone. i mean you can play hard to get a little and back off. but i guarentee that you cant back off and i think u know this,. as soon as he dont call you will call him and get upset and have your feelings hurt. are you a cancer by chance?

[sweetharmony]

hi, i know the games very well. i used to be needy, but I'm the exact opposite now. my gosh, yes I am a cancer and a book cancer. the only thing being, i now have a thick shell to hide my soft center. i am very insecure and freak out when my bf (or ex) doesn't call everyday. but i never call him. idon't want to act needy or seem so clingy. that's my biggest fear-to eb that crazy, needy girl. so, i'm the cold hearted #$%%&. i guess not much better. i fear getting hurt. i've ben in your position, and it makes guys disrespect you.

 

i would say, take two steps back. don't be so needy, but also, don't play games. playing games ruined my last relationship-which could've been good. i was so afraid of seeming needy, that i was the exact opposite-cold, mean, unromantic, unreciprocating-just so damaged. i have a wall that doesn't let anyone in, depsite the fact a that i ache so much inside for love. i completely lost faith in love, b/c it seems that everyone always has to play so many games-in order to keep it intersting. but little games are quite necessary. where do you draw the line?

[girl_83]

are you a cancer by chance?

 

Yes, my star sign is cancer, nice guess by the way.. am i missing something here

 

I know what you mean about people playing games to keep the relationship interesting. I find that as childish and lame but sometimes i play it aswell as much as i hate to admit it, and i've realised i always end up getting hurt. Its just so hard with relationship these days..so much compications and misunderstanding.

 

Ah well.. guess its part of life and love i guess. Lesson learnt everytime.

[Mun]

Nobody likes a clingy partner. Well, nobody that is emotionally healthy anyway.

 

Hey, don't be afraid to lose him. That's how you give him space. Once he starts coming your way then pay attention to what works and keep doing that. This is not about playing games, but about being dignified and knowing your worth.

 

Start taking really good care of yourself...example: long bubble baths, long beauty routines. Make your focus YOU for awhile and don't jump on the phone when he calls every time. Let the machine get it and get back to him when you are done pampering yourself... or the next day.

 

Being a bit busy or unavailable sometimes won't hurt your relationship, it could strengthen it --you're getting space/ he's getting space. If you miss each other then you're less likely to take each other for granted or get bored.

 

Does this sound crazy? Well, your "silence" gives you back your self-control--- Which is really what you lose when you feel like he has all the control of the relationship. Suddenly you're just as important to you as he is to you... and everybody's happy.

 

Love

[Bethany]

Buy Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It will help you understand why you need to cling and why he needs his space.

[notmyself24]

Dreamy-83, I believe that you are a pisces (march 3) like me. No problem, we are water signs- the two fish swimming in opposite directions.

 

My bf is a cancer- we are all clingy b/c we are sensitive & our feelings get hurt easily.

 

Yes John Gray has a dating advice forum on his website- look it up. It cost money to join, however you can read the posts for free.

 

Most men play that pull back game. Its called "hiding in their cave"- I have 2 of the mars/venus books. Somethings are generalized & some are so true!

 

Men are hunters, let him ask about you & call you more. If he truly loves you, you will not lose him.

 

If you wanna know about pisces- om me & ket me know your bf's star sign0 this could be interesting, lol.

[Diva_Lee]

girl i feel u on this. im gonna get that book today.