Sweetest Day

[MissMandaJo]

As most of you know, sweetest day was this past Saturday. I baked my bf of 5 months an apple pie, got him a shirt from Gap and a card.

 

.... he didnt get me anything at all.

 

I felt really hurt about it but pretended that I didnt care. He said he "forgot his wallet" when he was at the mall, but has said nothing about making it up or even apologizing. Granted, I guess its the thought that counts... atleast he THOUGHT of getting me something. But it kind of upsets me. I would have been thrilled to just get flowers. Is it wrong for me to be sad?

[passions1]

I would be upset as well, however do give yourself some time & see if he has done anything for you out of his daily routine in the upcoming days. Even he hasn't then let him know how you feel & would have appreciated some acknowledgement. Everyone is different, some of my friends & I celebrate more of anniversaries versus month anniversaries which can be expensive. So you also need to learn about him & if he is the type to honor something more like birthdays, holidays instead. But you 2 do need to communicate your feelings, otherwise you will feel resentment towards him.

[annie24]

People actually celebrate "sweetest day?" I thought it was just an excuse to have a "Valentine's day" thing in october so Hallmark and florists could make some money. Especially when I saw an ad suggesting sending your boss flowers for "sweetest day." That was a bit over the top....

 

Anyways, if he forgot your birthday, christmas, or v-day, then you have a problem. This, don't worry.... Clearly it means something to you, but I don't know of anyone else that actually celebrates is. (Sorry if that sounds mean, but I think it's just another holiday created to make money for florists....)

 

I hope he at least said thank you for the nice pie!

[annie24]

Just a question - did your bf actually grow up in the Midwest? I never heard of it until I moved to the Midwest a few years ago. From what I understand, it's mostly a Michigan/Ohio holiday.

 

Is your bf kind to you otherwise?

[miracle29]

MISS MANDA JO...Whoaaaaa (horses in backround) slow down. I know you love him and wanted to show him how much you care, but I have to be honest with you...a secret some women find out the hard way. Some men feel such pressure as it is, to remember the holidays we are supposed to all know, not to mention this new one you just brought to my knowledge. Also some men can actually take it as a sign of slight desperation. (I know, i know , you are not desperate but hear me out).

 

Whenever getting a "boyfriend" a gift, never go too far until you are in deep with him for the minimum of two years or more. Since you and he have only been together for this amount of time, I think you should have (and heinsight is 20/20) just given him a card. That would have not only been a nice jesture, but since he's a guy, he would have taken it as a really cool layed back sign of affection. We women tend to over do it all the time. We bake things for men of only 3 months, sending a sign of (I want to be your wife and it scares some of them away). We also pour on the affection and some men take this as a lack of challange.

 

Now i know i got off the subject but I wanted to save you from this type of hurt in the future. Never over do anything in a relationship that is only a few months, because as they saying goes;..."No good deed will go unpunished" meaning, we have expectations and people will 9 times out of 10 not meet them or ever come close. See you thought that because you are such a warm, sweet and considerate woman, that he too would share your same sentiment...but..on the contray he didnt. This hurt your feelings and now he's feeling bad probably but doesnt really see the big deal. To save yourself from future disappointment, simply only celabrate the holidays that he can't get out of. (joke) but no really, Valentines day is a day men are EXPECTED to supply the women in their lives with sweet nothings.

 

I for one never knew of this day, and am glad my Husband didnt hold me accountable for it. I am a very traditional woman, and I only do the holidays I know for sure he wont forget.

 

Don't be so hard on him about this, I'm proud of you for not showing a reaction, shove this one under the rug, because since it was not "VALENTINES" day he isnt as guilty as he would have been. Say if it was Christmas, or Your birthday.

 

If you did over react or kept bringing it up, he will resent you for it because he'll feel that you "expect" and he wont feel that you appreciate what he does do out of the kindness of his heart.

 

My husband remembers the days that most of us celebrate..and I never hold him accountable if he misses something or if his gift doesnt match mines because I know he is doing the best he could. I hope I helped you feel a little better. Keep in mind its ok to be nice but never over do it.

[annie24]

Just a question miracle... so, when is it ok to bake for your man? I love to cook and bake and am always baking something for friends and co-workers. In that case, is baking something for a bf of a few months really that ... wifey? (If cooking is simply a hobby of mine) But, I have had some guys react kind of strangely when I have offered to cook dinner for them and just drop it off when they were super busy with exams and the such...

 

I think for as long as she's been with her bf, a pie and a shirt were good presents.

[miracle29]

Annie, baking for someone who is hungry or someone who is a friend is totally different then "I've been with you for 3 months" Some men (notice I never said all) take this as a sign of "too much-too soon".

 

They act all funny as if your deed was bad, when all you were doing was being sweet. I for one, had to learn this the hard way. The biggest deal here is that he may or may not have even known about this day. And so he probably was embarrassed or upset that this "extra, put pressure on men to buy women gifts" day was invented.

 

 

side note: Annie wasnt it you who said that the book by Arkov was a good book to read? Or was that another moderator? I think its called "why men love B****" In the book she also says what I know to be true. Take your time when baking and showing so much in the beginning. If you give it all up in the first few months, he'll be so spoiled that you wont be able to compete with yourself.

Does that clear it up for you a bit?

 

I am not saying that a person should never bake, or never cook, or never be nice, but when you havent been together for very long, it sends the wrong signals to SOME men.

 

If baking is your hobby thats nice...that gives him something to look forward to in the FUTURE but not so soon.

And im' not downing her present...i know Manda did that out of the kindness in her heart..but look at his reaction, and the result of her actions of just trying to be sweet. Its like he didnt even appreciate it.

 

I'm only trying to help her. Some of the people on this forum may have found "some" men who can actually take a gift like this and take it in the right way....for those men, they deserve baked goods and anything else, but for some men...this is too much..too soon.

[annie24]

Yes, I did suggest that book! It is really upsetting when you do something nice, and it's not appreciated in return.

 

For example, last year I was dating a guy. Before we started dating, we were friends for a few months. He mentioned that he was going to be really busy with exams and stuff. I, to be nice, said, "How about if I drop by sometime next week with a plate of food for you. I have to cook for myself anyways." (I lived 1 block away, so it really wasn't much effort.) He said, "well, I'll probably be at the library every night this week." I said, "That's fine - I can just give it to one of your housemates to put in the fridge." (He lived with 7 other people.) He said, "No - they're all pretty busy too these days." (As if any of his 7 housemates was so busy that they couldn't even open the door and put some food in the fridge.)

 

Actually, I was really offended by this. In my culture, it is extremely impolite to refuse food, and he knows it! So, that was the beginning of the end through my POV. I think a lot of guys would have appreciated a nice sentiment like that, but he sure didn't....

 

Yup, and after that, I will think long and hard before offering a guy anything more than instant coffee or a microwave corn-dog!

[Glorie]

Is this a U.S. thing? I feel very silly but I've never heard of Sweetest Day. How is it different than Valentine's Day?

[annie24]

I never heard of it until a few years ago myself! I looked it up in wikipedia:

 

Sweetest Day is a pseudo-holiday primarily celebrated in the Midwestern U.S. states of Illinois, Michigan, Ohio and Wisconsin. It is celebrated on the third Saturday in the month of October.

 

The holiday is said to have begun in the city of Cleveland, Ohio in 1922. During America's Great Depression, candy store employee Herbert Birch Kingston put together a group of citizens to provide small gifts to homeless people, orphans, and others who had fallen on hard times. This tradition now seems to largely involve giving small presents, such as cards, candy and flowers, to family, friends, and lovers.

 

This holiday is more well-known in the Northeast, but seems to be making a resurgence as retailers try to capitalize on it -- trying to make another Valentine's Day.

 

In 2005 Sweetest Day is Saturday, October 15.

 

[jna35]

I agree with Annie24 on this one There are soooooo many little holidays now I can't keep them all straight! I agree that they were developed by Hallmark as a way to get even more of our money and maybe our poor guys in trouble for not remembering. I wouldn't get upset about it. It's not a "real" holiday like Christmas or even your birthday. I don't know anyone who celebrates it either. I've been married for almost 17 years and we don't celebrate it. That said, I think it was VERY sweet of you to bake for him and make him feel special. I still bake for mine and he really appreciates it. My mom always says it's not how someone treats you on a special occasion that counts, but how they treat you every day of the year that matters.

[lillady898]

It was Sweetest Day this Saturday???

 

I'd say let it slide. There are far too many more important things to worry about. Like, say, your birthday.

[darla691]

I would not be mad because that is not a special day in my book, I mean look at it this way how many people know of this swetest day?? Not many and part of the problem could be that swestest day has no meaning to him>>

[MissMandaJo]

He didnt act scared off when I baked him the pie... he loved it, haha. Maybe I did overdo it... I dont know. Its just in my nature to be that way I guess. But of course my boyfriend is kind to me otherwise. If he wasnt, I wouldnt have done crap for him haha.

[MissMandaJo]

Just a question - did your bf actually grow up in the Midwest? I never heard of it until I moved to the Midwest a few years ago. From what I understand, it's mostly a Michigan/Ohio holiday.

 

Is your bf kind to you otherwise?

 

Yes, he grew up in Ohio, as did I. We live in Eastern Ohio.

[melrich]

Nevder heard of Sweetest Day either but I would not be getting too stressed about it. Guys are notoriously bad at remembering things like that let alone actually buying a present.

[Cynder]

The story about it starting in Cleveland is true. Hallmark and other stores picked up on it though and have turned it into a comercial debockle just like all our other holidays.

 

I was actually surprised to get pink roses from my Husband. And my stepdad gave me a bag of candy, lol.

 

To the original poster. Maybe he didn't feel the same about the day as you. Did he know you were getting him something? A lot of people don't even celebrate sweetest day.

[smallworld]

Hey MandaJo, I never knew there was such a thing as Sweetest Day, but I know exactly how you feel. It's not romantic, but if this sort of thing is important to you, you need to speak up and tell him how you feel about holidays. If he loves you and that pie of yours (and I'm sure he does!!!), he'll make it up to you next time.

[miracle29]

Annie, I can't believe that. THat guy was a total jerk. I think in most cultures it is very rude to turn away food or anything else someone took time to make and worked very hard on. A guy like that didnt even deserve what you did for him. He gets a thumbs down in my book.

[annie24]

Annie, I can't believe that. THat guy was a total jerk. I think in most cultures it is very rude to turn away food or anything else someone took time to make and worked very hard on. A guy like that didnt even deserve what you did for him. He gets a thumbs down in my book.

 

Oh, I never wound up cooking anything for him. I was just offering to cook him dinner the next week during his super busy time. And yes, I think you're right - I'm glad I didn't waste the effort.

 

MandaJo - glad to hear that he liked the pie

[Dannysgirl]

The way my husband and I look at it, its valentine's day/sweetest day EVERY day so there is no need to give these stupid card companies/florists our hard earned cash!

 

 

[RayKay]

I did not even know Sweetest Day existed until last week...and right away all I could think of "wow, Hallmark really must be booming".

 

Honestly, I know you are hurt, but did he have any idea Sweetest Day was even important to you - most people I know just scoffed at it when I even told them it existed...Valentine's Day at least has a lot of historical reasoning and more of a known thing then Sweetest Day.

 

It should NOT be about "one" day - be it Sweetest or Valentines - it is about how he treats you year ROUND. Honestly, does him not knowing it was that special to you in any way reflect his feelings for you - I doubt it honestly...it was not YOUR day - anniversary or birthday or something - it was a "manufactured" holiday. If you want to do something, that is fantastic, but don't automatically have assumption the same will happen in return for something like this (I would go broke celebrating everything they told me too!) and do it as you *want to*. Even just a card is okay, it sounds like you did a lot for him, which is nice, but gestures don't have to be over the top to be loved and heartfelt

 

So despite not even knowing there was such a thing, I guess in a way I got treated that night, me and my sweetie went to watch Arenaccross that night..lol.. But he too laughed when I told him it was "Sweetest Day".