He says he loves me but he still broke up with me....help!

[MissingNate]

Hey everyone, I am hoping ya'll can help me get thru this...(sorry so long)

 

My BF of 10 months ended things with me on Sep 20th. He said he cared for me deeply and I am only the 2nd person he has ever had a real connection with. (He is 29, hasn't dated much since his HS sweetheart broke his heart by cheated on him.) He says he isn't sure it can work out between us because of my son. (from a previous relationship) He isn't sure he is man enough to raise someone else child and that he doesn't think he has the patience at this time in his life.

Now he says he has gone back and forth with himself on this, that he loves me and that we can make it work because he does care about the both of us and he wants to give us a better life but that he always has those other doubts in his head. When he gets doubts he runs. Says he has done this ever since he ex left him. They had dated for 7 years.

 

In the past 10 months he has always been the one to bring up marriage and he is the one who said lets take (my son) here and here, or bring (son) along. He was great with him.

I met all his friends, his parents, siblings, grandparents etc.

 

I never knew he was having any doubts and then one day he just came out and told me and he was like, Well, I don't know what this means for us and I said, it means I don't have a boyfriend.

 

I am SO heart broken. A month after we had been dating I knew he was the man that I wanted to marry. I had never been able to trust anyone before like I did with him, I was never so comfortable with someone or felt so loved. It was really the best 10 months of my life. He has a great job (police officer), has a house, we share alot of the same morals, family orienated, and most importantly, my son loved him and they got along great!

 

We met up last Monday to talk and this is when he told me everything.

He looked heartbroken too and kept having to stop and catch his breath as he spoke.

He said I was the perfect GF and that I did nothing wrong. He said he has just felt like a piece of sh*t the past weeks and had wanted to call me but didn't because I had told him not to. (I told him it would be harder on me if he tried to be friends)

When I left he gave me the biggest hug and said that he didn't want to hurt me anymore than he already has so he wasn't going to call me no matter how much he missed me but that I could always call him if I ever needed him or if I just wanted to talk.

 

 

I just feel like he is running scared and doesn't really want this....

I'm I crazy?

Right now I am doing the whole no contact but gosh its hard.

Part of me feels like I need to fight for what I want.....

The other part of me knows that if it is meant to be he will come back to me.

He says he isn't sure what the future holds for him or us. He says he may just need time to realize what he wants and he realizes that I may have moved on by then.

When he tells me this, I feel like I can't move on but I also need to realize that this may never happen.

 

Argh! I hate this!

Any advice????

[lotsaluvd1s]

I dont know much since I haven't been in too many relationships but one that I have been in ended because my family didn't like him. Now the one that I'm in is probably going to end that way too unless I dont want my parents to see me as a daughter anymore. Sometimes it's not him but his family.

[MissingNate]

No, I know it isn't his family.

He told me last Monday that his mom called and was asking about me and said that she hopes he wasn't making a mistake after he told her....

I know his parents and brother liked me.

(He lives with his brother so I hung out with him alot.)

 

Like I said, he has been known to push people away and find excuses to end things.

That is why part of me feels I should fight him on it because I don't think anyone has ever questioned him when they see him doing it.

The other part of me thinks that NC may help.....I just can't bear the thought of losing him forever.

[hockeyboy]

have you told him, that as far you are concerned, he is the father of your son? (obviously only tell him that if you fell that way)

[miracle29]

Oh man this is so sad, and I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. However, don't force something that he is trying to get out of. Let him go. I know it is not easy, and you love him, but keep this in the forefront of your mind...really listen to this statement he said:

He isn't sure he is man enough to raise someone else child and that he doesn't think he has the patience at this time in his life.

 

He said it all there. Let him be free and you will eventually heal with time, but if you push him, all you will do is prolong the inevitable. Meaning: If he wants to leave, but stays out of guilt then he will only break your heart later. If you think its unbearable at 10months...imagine two more years.

 

This hurts now, but he did lay it out in the open for you...he's not ready for children, he doesnt have patients. It may not seem like it now but this guy is giving you what you need, "freedom to find a man who can handle you having a child". he's doing you a favor.

[MissingNate]

Miracle~You hit it right on the head.

It is just hard for me to come to terms with it because to me the break up came out of no where. I had no idea he was having any doubts and he had always talked about "our" future together.

 

If you could've have just seen them together you would have thought that they WERE father and son.

 

I am definitly doing the NC thing....