smallworld Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 What relationship? He wants to get you into bed. He uses your money to feed his drug habits. He mocks you because you are a virgin. In my opinion, that's not a relationship. That's a bully taking advantage. Amen Darkblue! Jessika print this out and paste it where you can see it every morning. It will strengthen your resolve. There are lots of guys who will respect the fact that you're a virgin, but you'll never meet them if you're wasting your time on "losers." Breaking up isn't as hard as you think. Normally I'd advise talking things out, but it's clear that this guy is with you for all the wrong reasons. Just tell him you don't want to be with him anymore. When he asks why, tell him the truth: You deserve better and You don't like being made fun or being used. Next time: Look for someone who respects you, likes you as you are, and wants what's in your best interests. If you feel pressured at any time to do anything that you don't want to do, that's a RED FLAG that the guy doesn't have your best interests at heart. Link to comment
Jessika1 Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 I feel so much better talking about this with you guys, because I have an idea in what to do. It would be very stupid for me to not take this advice. I will break up with him, it just so hard, because hes popular and stuff and everybody is gonna be shocked. Ive never dumped somebody before, so I want to do it as nicely as possible. Ill just say that Im too busy with school and I dont have as much time to be with him, and Ill say I hope he finds somebody else. The end. Thanks everybody for helping me, I can breathe easier now that I have somesort of plan. But the problem is, what if.....he doesnt have a problem with me being a virgin, what if I miss understood all the things, and what if he will pay back my money should I still give him a chance or no... Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 But the problem is, what if.....he doesnt have a problem with me being a virgin, what if I miss understood all the things, and what if he will pay back my money should I still give him a chance or no... no no no no no no...... He does have a problem with you being a virgin. It's not even a question. He already told you so. Even if he gave your money back he's still a DRUG USER. BellaDonna Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Doubting it at this stage won't be helpful to you. You must make it clear to yourself that this BOY is nothing. His ego is more a part in his life than you. You are doing this for yourself. Remember that. He has already made it quite clear that he wants to use you for sex. Clear any other doubts from your mind. This boy is no good for you. Link to comment
smallworld Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Jessika, Kudos for coming up with a plan. The first step to accomplishing any goal is to be able to conceive and visualize it. You've already conquered half the mountain. The rest is just follow through! I know when you're 16, popularity and what others thinks can seem very important, but trust me. I'm twice your age and the "in" crowd won't have much impact on your life two years from now, if any. Yes people gossip, but that's because they don't have anything better to do. Honestly do you really care what those guys think??? If they believe you should feel grateful to be with someone who only values you because you fund his drug habits (and potentially his sex ones), were they ever really your friends in the first place? As for your bf, you aren't confused. He wants what he wants. I hope he pays you back, but remember, the money was never a "gift." It's what he owes you and it doesn't even begin to compensate you for the time and self-esteem he may have cost you. When he starts treating you with respect and like the beautiful young lady that you are, then and only then would I consider giving him a second chance. Link to comment
Jessika1 Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 Ok thanks for the advice, Im gonna talk to him. Here is one of the emails he wrote me. Subject : What you want to hear! | | | | Inbox Hey babe, how are you, Its been bothering me all day to see you again, the more time i spend away from you makes me want to see you and be with you more and more.... ha, that probably sounds weird but hey.. what can you do? I also want to let you know that i did kiss nikki, but didnt want everyone else around me to know , but I never made out with her!.. and what I wanted to talk to you about was.. man.. this is tough but I know that in order to get anyware I have to get this off my chest, I like hangin out with danny and i know that you do too, but theres some times when you kind of flirt with danny ( and even nevin has seen it too) but, I just want to make sure your not intentionally, and i do really wish you would give me more attention, I really love attention especially from you.. Wow , im glad i got that off me.. And one more thing, I dont know how your doing it , maybe the way you take things really slow but, I am really starting to like you, alot! Your sober boyfriend, Andrew Link to comment
Dannysgirl Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Jessika, This guy is an idiot who is clearly using you, you don't need this kind of hassle. How are you taking things 'too slow' you've only been with the guy two weeks!!!! The guy I first slept with I was with four months beforehand - you see there are men out there who will respect your wishes and wait until you are ready. Just tell him you don't think you're right for each other, he's clearly a horned up 16yr old who is only interested in one thing at the moment. Thats the problem with boys that age a LOT of them are like that which is one of the reason's why I chose to wait til I was 21 - I didn't want to be a notch on some acne ridden smug little toerag's bedpost! Besides anything you know that if you DO sleep with this boy, the details will be circulating around school before you've even gotten dressed! Think about what YOU want not what he wants, he is only out for himself and couldn't give two ***** about you otherwise he wouldn't be pressuring you or 'borrowing' money from you. Kick him to the kerb NOW before you get hurt. all the best. Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 He's keeping you from friends? Possessive - RED FLAG He wants to take it further and you don't - RED FLAG He uses your money to feed his drug addiction - RED FLAG He mocks you because you're a virgin - RED FLAG Link to comment
smallworld Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Love the title of his email. So let's see... 1. He kissed Nikki but didn't make out with her. (!!!) 2. He wants to make sure you're not intentionally flirting with Danny. 3. He wants you to give him more attention. 4. He's your "sober" boyfriend. What's in it for you again? Oh yes. He's starting to like you a lot and wants to spend more time with him. Is this really "what you want to hear???" Link to comment
babycristy456 Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Wow, please drop this guy like a bad habit. You are NOT in love I can assure you that. You are developing strong feelings that must be eliminated immediately. This guy is kissing other girls, but you can't even flirt with guys? Are you kidding me? And he has the audacity to tell you so freely and shamelessly? This guy is immature and pathetic to ask you for money. You are highly likely to get hurt out of this relationship. There are sooooooooooo many guys out there to be stuck in this type of drama. From his letter, he sounds like a sweet talker. No one can tell you what to do from here, only give you advice. It might sound harsh but most of us have been there done that and learned.\ Good luck girl and don't sell yourself cheap. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I chose to wait til I was 21 - I didn't want to be a notch on some acne ridden smug little toerag's bedpost! LOL!!!!!! Well if nothing else convices you, Jessika, then just keep re-reading that line from Dannysgirl. BellaDonna Link to comment
Jessika1 Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 Thank you for all of your advice. I hung out with him today, and I was going to break up with him, but he was sweet talking me so I couldnt do it. I never have the guts to break up with guys, its horrible. But at least he didnt ask me for any money today. Im sorry, I sound stupid, your all telling me to dump him, and you guys are clearly right I mean there are too many "red flags" but its just so hard. Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Do it by phone or email. Or continue to be used and probably lose your virginity to a drug using, abusing bully Link to comment
Jessika1 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 Me and my cousin went to Mc Donalds the other day, and this girl working at Mc Donalds knows my boyfriend and she told him that I was at Mc Donalds with another guy. And she asked me infront of my cousin "Are you still going out with so and so" And I said to her I wasnt because my cousin is very over protective and he doesnt want me going out with anybody who is not Bosnian. So anyways, as soon as she got off work the biatch called my b/f and told him that I was "cheating" on him, and that she asked me if I was going out with him and I said no. So shes trying to break us up because shes jealous. Anyways, I asked my boyfriend if he trusts me and he said he does. He never asked me about it. Do you think he didnt ask me because he doesnt care about me? Or maybe because hes not the jealous type? Im just writting this because it makes me feel better when I tell somebody my crappy day. Feel free to post comments..... BTW... I did ask his friend for the money back for the weed and hes been avoiding me, I dont think I will get my money back. Im so mad. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 Why are you still with this guy? BellaDonna Link to comment
Jessika1 Posted October 20, 2005 Author Share Posted October 20, 2005 I have no idea. Link to comment
Jessika1 Posted October 23, 2005 Author Share Posted October 23, 2005 UPDATE- I finally exploded and me and my boyfriend got in a HUGE fight. Well I told him Thursday that Friday I want to hang out with him because Saturday night I work and we wont be able to hang out... So I was waiting for him all night to call me and he didnt call me So then at around 7pm I called his friends phone and asked for him and he was in the process of smoking weed, and I could hear his friends in the backround coughing, which pissed me off. So I just asked him, "Hey do you think you can pay me back my money because I need gas in my car" So then his friend got mad, cuz he owed me money too, and all he gave me was 7 dollars....wow So when I got the money, I didnt even look at my boyfriend at all, I was so pissed. I didnt look at him, talk to him. I just wanted to spit in his face I was so mad, HOW the hell can he stand ME up... after everything that ive done for him"? I cant believe he would rather smoke weed with his friends then hang out with me? What a retard!!!! So then he went to get the money from inside, and I waited in my car with my sister. And he came to the window and hes like I want to talk to you! And hes like, " I dont like seeing you mad, Im sorry this all happened, I'll repsect you more, I'll give you 40 bucks insted of 25" Also he said to me that he almost "LOVES" me...Okay, so I kissed him and I went home, feeling a little better......... SATURDAY - I go to school on Saturdays, so he left me 2 messages on my phone one at 12 and another one at 1 and then when I got home, my sister told me that she saw him with my WORST enemy at Mcdonalds....its like wtfff whats the worst thing u can do dude?????? Also he tried calling me at 11 0 pm, but I was sleeping cuz I had to wake up early today. But seriousally whats the worst thing he can do????USe me for money, stand me up..........and then be seen with the girl i hate.....wow....Im so mad right now, so hes probably going to try to call me today but im gonna just go to work and not think about him. SO as for now, I think we are broken up...I THINK Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 23, 2005 Share Posted October 23, 2005 So if you only think then he doesn't know either. Tell him. Link to comment
Jessika1 Posted October 23, 2005 Author Share Posted October 23, 2005 Darkblue!! When me and him got into our fight Friday I said to him "Do you want to break up" And he was like "NOOOOO, I like you so much, and he was freaking out and stuff" Why was he acting like that? Was it because he really likes me? Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 23, 2005 Share Posted October 23, 2005 Because he's comfortable with twisting you around his finger. He has all the benefits at the expense of your misery. Link to comment
Jessika1 Posted October 23, 2005 Author Share Posted October 23, 2005 If he begs to have me back, under what circumstance should I take him back? Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 23, 2005 Share Posted October 23, 2005 That you have lost your sanity and aren't accountable for your actions. I.e. Never. Link to comment
Jessika1 Posted October 23, 2005 Author Share Posted October 23, 2005 I dont understand why I feel like things should work out between me and him?? Why am I trying to make things work out, hes got nothing, hes nobody he treats me like crap. Yet I still have some feelings for him. Link to comment
darkblue Posted October 23, 2005 Share Posted October 23, 2005 You can't help your feelings. But you are your first priority. Don't allow yourself to be used and abused. You're better than that and you know it. Link to comment
DN Posted October 23, 2005 Share Posted October 23, 2005 Did you type that correctly when you said he is 16 and you are 18? Link to comment
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