I am so bad

[renaissancewoman101]

I am really bad. After yesterday when I said to myself that I can go on and not worry about the ex, and I signed up to go away this weekend to help a guinea pig rescue group, I fell off the wagon.

 

This morning, I was missing my ex and thinking about him at work. Work has been slow for a while so a lot of time on my hands. I miss him so much, want things to work out so much, etc. Yesterday, I had sent the letter to his mom telling her how much I missed her son and wanted to work things out. People on here say I should also send my ex a letter telling him how sorry I am and how much I want to work things out and that I love him, etc. I havent worked out sending him a letter yet, because when I saw him last about 2 weeks ago, he told me that he needed a lot of time and space from me, so I am trying to respect that.

 

I knew that his boss wasnt going to be at work today because it is a Jewish holiday and she is Jewish. So, I knew it was just going to be my ex and his co-worker. My ex's co-worker is a 45 year old gay man and his name is Jean. He is really fun to talk to. When I was still going out with the ex, I would always stop by to pick him up from work and I would talk to his boss and Jean. He knows me and always likes to chat with me whenever I would call for my ex.

 

I decided to have a friend of mines call my ex's work and ask for Jean. When the guy got on the phone, I took the phone from my friend and talked to him. At first Jean didnt recognize me on the phone, but when he did, he was exuberantly happy to talk to me, he was like "hey girl, how you been" and he mentioned my name. I quickly asked him if my ex was there and if he was in the vicinity and he told me he was there but not to worry, that he was in the stockroom getting inventory. I then asked Jean if he knew that my ex had broken up with me. Jean told me that my ex had told them about it. My ex has a tendency to talk about his home life at work, all the time. I then went and asked Jean how my ex was doing, did he talk about me at work anymore, does he seem to miss me, does he have another gf, and did Jean think my ex and I could get back together?????

 

Jean laughed when I asked if my ex had another gf and he said "your ex, yeah right". Jean also told me that my ex still talked about me at work, mostly about stuff that we had done before. Jean thinks my ex still misses me, and he thought my ex and I could get back together. I then asked Jean if I stopped by my ex's work in the next week or two to say "hi", did he think my ex would flip out. Jean said "no, and that my ex might probably like it" since he still thinks my ex misses me.

 

I have no idea whether to believe Jean or not. I am also afraid that he might tell my ex that I called and everything I told him. I dont trust him that well, and I have no idea if my ex was there listening to everything or not.

 

Do you guys think what I did could have sunk me even more? I havent talked to the ex in over two weeks. Still keeping NC, but trying to find out stuff in sneaky ways.

[kimkim72]

Oh my gosh what did you go and do that for? I'm pretty sure your ex knows you called and talked to Jean. Jean more than likely told him everything you said. I think you shouldn't have done that. Your ex might stay your ex. What you need to do is just TELL HIM how you feel and stop going through everyone else. He'll respect you more if you were more open. i hope everything works out for you

[TRAUMA]

Get rid of the middle guy, and go find out on your own...since it is what you want to do. Be honest. and sincere and polite. and just ask..it is called "communication"..if he rejects you, well you have no choice but to move on baby...Good luck!

[renaissancewoman101]

I know, that's what I am afraid of. I kind of regret doing it after I did it. Although talking to Jean gave me a ray of hope in an otherwise bleak existence. I talked to Jean because I wanted hope, hope that there was still a chance with this relationship. I love my ex a lot and I miss him terribly. I have not tried to contact him since I saw him at the Faire two weeks ago. I have written his mother and called Jean. That is it.

 

I dont know what to do. I dont want to lose hope, that is why I reach out the way I do. I also dont want to sound like I am pestering him, so I am giving him space and not contacting him.

 

Is what I am doing so wrong? If he wants space and time, I give it to him, but I try to find out in roundabout ways, whether there is any hope to this.

 

I guess I could try calling him again in a week or so, but I dont want to be pushing him to get mad at me or anything like that.

 

I dont know what to do. Some people say NC if I completely want it over. SOme people say minimal contact just to say hi, etc. to show I still care and hoping for the best.

 

I want the best but still want to give him his space and time right now. I am afraid if I push too hard, he will run.

[jenny_mcs]

OK, this is just me, but if my ex was writing letters to my mom and quizzing my co-worker, I would be very freaked out.

 

Of course he will hear about both of these things!

 

Either cut all contact with this guy or contact him directly- but going through mom & co-worker seems like it would creep him out.