Shy people (or anyone) please help!!! What to do?

[garu1979]

Hi guys / girls

I am writing about a girl in my work, and I will make this as brief as possible. Bottom line - Most perfect girl, beautiful, kind, genuine, good morals, special in every way although also unbelievably shy!!!

I started talking to her by chance through work email and ever since then we have emailed back and forth on a daily basis talking about both ourselves and also general chit chat....

 

I really like her and she knows this as I have said. First time I brought it up, she sort of avoided saying anything in her reply as she said she prefferred not to talk about things like that in work as people sometimes read emails and also her dad is in quite a high position in the same company. I always compliment her, tell her shes beautiful etc. and even gave her my number in one email. She has yet to txt tho.

 

I bumped into her one day in the warehouse and we were chatting. This is where i discovered that she is very shy, and gets embarrassed easily. Conversation was fine, i think we were both nervous. In person, i asked her out, she stood and looked at me stunned and also not sure what to say, for what seemed like 5 mins, although prob only 2. I asked shud i take that as a no, and she said, "its not that, its just like we have hardly spoken before in person", which was true. So i suggested that by going out, we cud get to know each other better oustide of work. She said "yeah, i suppose thats true".

 

Anyhow so more time has passed. I wrote a poem for her which she loved, bought her this cute little tortoise thing which she also loved. I saw her today, she said thanks for the tortoise. It almost made me melt... Such a genuine smile.....I asked her about bf's of the past and she said that she had had a lot of bad experiences and stuff, but getting details was extremely hard as the only way of communication is email (which she doesn't like talking about that kind of stuff on) and also she's shy. I have also brought up getting together sometime again, but generally, she doesn't answer that section of my emails......

 

Ne way, my question is, if you are all still reading.... Is this situation normal for shy people, is it possible she likes me, how do i go about the next step of progression ie. trying to get her to go out etc, or is she just plainly trying to tell me shes not interested. Im just at my wits end as she hasn't said yes or no, and I'm struggling to understand if I'm wanted in anyway, and if so, what do i do next? Thank you for readin and any advice would be very very much appreciated!!

[dreamy333]

ASK HER FOR HER NUMBER BC IF SHE IS SHY THEN CHANCES ARE SHE IS NOT GOIN TO CALL YOU ASK HER FOR HER NUMBER IN PERSON THAT WAY SHE CANNOT BACK OUT.

[garu1979]

Hey, thanks for the advice. I rarely get to see her though, so this would be quite hard. Is this the best route? From what I have told you, does she even seem to like me?

[Beec]

I'd let her know she is passing up an excellent opportunity and that if she does not grab onto you fast, you will find another woman elsewhere, and I'd say it with confidence, but calmly, matter of factly, and without any animosity.

[garu1979]

Cheers Beec,

 

Thanks for your advice!! Im struggling to see how I can say that without sounding nasty or 'off' so to speak, i mean if she is warming up to me slowly or something and i come out with that, wud that not throw her right off??

[Beec]

Go look at the free principles on link removed. We go for the people who give us emotional fulfillment while being aloof and independent, not needy or clingy, and We want what we cannot or might not be able to have.

 

I think I could say it in a flirty manner. And I would be doing all of the above.

[garu1979]

What do you think about the suggestion above to ask for her number???

[Beec]

You've asked her out and she has not said yes, although she seems interested, right? So what does haivng another way to communicate do for you? Not much in my eyes. If you want her to say yes, then figure out how to make her want to say yes and overcome her reluctance to saying yes. It's all about how she feels, not whether you email or phone her.

[garu1979]

Yup, as I said, i speak to her everyday, several times via email.... Now how do i make her want me more if shes interested?? by cutting contact a bit, paying less attention to her??? I was going with the whole number thing as it was face to face and she wud either have had to say yes or no.... how is she more likely to say yes? Are u saying it is important to let her know that i aint gonna wait around 4ever?

[keefy1972]

My opinion on this is for you to maybe stop trying so hard. I mean that you already asked her out and she didn't say yes. You have expressed your interest. She does seem interested but you writing poems for her and buying her things? Come on dude, it's a little soon for that sort of stuff. Pull back from her. Mirror her behaviors. If her e-mails aren't as personal as yours, then stop getting so personal, that could scare her off or make her uncomfortable. Just stop trying so hard. Keep it casual for as long as she needs. You've asked, and if she wants to go out sometime, she will bring it back up. That's just my two cents.

[garu1979]

Keefy,

 

Thank you for your advice and very valuable it is.... I realise i do try a little too hard sometimes and yes, im kinda guessing the best thing is to pull back. I guess the whole idea behind the poem etc... was the old fashioned tactic of wooing someone you want to be with, ya know old fashioned romantic stuff. Just to show her how i feel and make her feel special, make an effort and prove that im diff from all her 'past' bad experiences. I do def see where ur coming from tho and again, thank-you!

[keefy1972]

I understand why you did it bro. It's all good, all men make those mistakes when we are "smitten" with someone. It's no big deal. It is a mistake though, in my opinion, only because I don't believe that overly "lovey dovey" stuff works in the beginning. It tends to backfire and scare them off. I would definitely say that pulling back a bit will improve your chances dramatically. Best in all.

[garu1979]

Cool, thanks mate!

[Beec]

Yup, as I said, i speak to her everyday, several times via email.... Now how do i make her want me more if shes interested?? by cutting contact a bit, paying less attention to her??? I was going with the whole number thing as it was face to face and she wud either have had to say yes or no.... how is she more likely to say yes? Are u saying it is important to let her know that i aint gonna wait around 4ever?

 

Well, if you make her feel how she wants to feel, then you stop doing that, she is likely to come looking for what you did, looking for you.

 

And yes, I would let her know you are not waiting forever, or for very long for that matter. She has a chance, she should take it or it might not be there.

[Immy]

Hey from a female perspective I think telling her you wont wait forever will not help at all. If she is as shy as you say then there's no way this will work. She will just back off completely and think "maybe he's not such a nice guy after all". She would never respond to it in any kind of positive way, at least in my opinion.

 

I think you are being really nice and genuine and it will just take some time. I agree that maybe you could tone it down a little, like mirror her conversation styles and stuff. Just chat and let her get to know you in a friendly way rather than a "potential date" kind of way. That way she will feel less under pressure to give you an answer and may start to open up more.

 

Anyway let us know how you get on k?

Immy

[ShySoul]

I agree with Immy. If she is as shy as you say then she's going to need time to get comfortable around you. She said so herself by saying that you have barely spoken in person. Doing something like saying shes missing out on a great opportunity and that you won't wait forever would frighten her off and make her question your motives far more then any poem or gift could.

 

Being shy myself (although not a girl), I know that it takes time to get used to someone. You want her to be comfortable, not pressured in anyway be it to say yes or that you are coming on strong. Talk to her more in person, just chat and be friendly. She should gradually open up to you. Then you can ask her out.