garu1979

Cool, thanks mate!

Keefy, Thank you for your advice and very valuable it is.... I realise i do try a little too hard sometimes and yes, im kinda guessing the best thing is to pull back. I guess the whole idea behind the poem etc... was the old fashioned tactic of wooing someone you want to be with, ya know old fashioned romantic stuff. Just to show her how i feel and make her feel special, make an effort and prove that im diff from all her 'past' bad experiences. I do def see where ur coming from tho and again, thank-you!

Yup, as I said, i speak to her everyday, several times via email.... Now how do i make her want me more if shes interested?? by cutting contact a bit, paying less attention to her??? I was going with the whole number thing as it was face to face and she wud either have had to say yes or no.... how is she more likely to say yes? Are u saying it is important to let her know that i aint gonna wait around 4ever?

What do you think about the suggestion above to ask for her number???

Cheers Beec, Thanks for your advice!! Im struggling to see how I can say that without sounding nasty or 'off' so to speak, i mean if she is warming up to me slowly or something and i come out with that, wud that not throw her right off??

Hey, thanks for the advice. I rarely get to see her though, so this would be quite hard. Is this the best route? From what I have told you, does she even seem to like me?

Hi guys / girls I am writing about a girl in my work, and I will make this as brief as possible. Bottom line - Most perfect girl, beautiful, kind, genuine, good morals, special in every way although also unbelievably shy!!! I started talking to her by chance through work email and ever since then we have emailed back and forth on a daily basis talking about both ourselves and also general chit chat.... I really like her and she knows this as I have said. First time I brought it up, she sort of avoided saying anything in her reply as she said she prefferred not to talk about things like that in work as people sometimes read emails and also her dad is in quite a high position in the same company. I always compliment her, tell her shes beautiful etc. and even gave her my number in one email. She has yet to txt tho. I bumped into her one day in the warehouse and we were chatting. This is where i discovered that she is very shy, and gets embarrassed easily. Conversation was fine, i think we were both nervous. In person, i asked her out, she stood and looked at me stunned and also not sure what to say, for what seemed like 5 mins, although prob only 2. I asked shud i take that as a no, and she said, "its not that, its just like we have hardly spoken before in person", which was true. So i suggested that by going out, we cud get to know each other better oustide of work. She said "yeah, i suppose thats true". Anyhow so more time has passed. I wrote a poem for her which she loved, bought her this cute little tortoise thing which she also loved. I saw her today, she said thanks for the tortoise. It almost made me melt... Such a genuine smile.....I asked her about bf's of the past and she said that she had had a lot of bad experiences and stuff, but getting details was extremely hard as the only way of communication is email (which she doesn't like talking about that kind of stuff on) and also she's shy. I have also brought up getting together sometime again, but generally, she doesn't answer that section of my emails...... Ne way, my question is, if you are all still reading.... Is this situation normal for shy people, is it possible she likes me, how do i go about the next step of progression ie. trying to get her to go out etc, or is she just plainly trying to tell me shes not interested. Im just at my wits end as she hasn't said yes or no, and I'm struggling to understand if I'm wanted in anyway, and if so, what do i do next? Thank you for readin and any advice would be very very much appreciated!!

Hi guys, thanks for your quick replies. Yes jch, i did end it as I was unsure and then realised what a mistake I had made. I guess i have to respect the fact that she has a new man in her life but it is so hard as you all empathise with. Just this morning I woke up after very vivid dreams of her and him being intimate etc. This disturbed me for most of the day. I know she has said that she wants to be friends, and a lot of friends have been telling me to cut contact as all she ever seems to contact me for is to do work for her. Her excuse for this is that she has been busy and work is all she ever seems to be doing.... I had also asked her something the other day about how come she always lets me touch her and be affectionate, like one day about a week ago I was giving her a supportive talk about things in her life and I had my hand on hers, also kinda rubbing her belly and stroking her leg as you do when showing affection. Several other times I have played with her hair, gave her a foot massage and put my arm around her etc.... she said she allowed me to do this as it was what she thought I wanted to do??? What was that all about??? I think her new fella does know that I help her with work from what she has told me, but apparently he has no problem with it and trusts her completely. Just to inform you of his situation, i know he split up from his wife, (not sure how long ago) but he caught her in bed with someone else. So i think he is still in the middle of divorce proceedings. Not sure..... It prob doesnt even matter! I do want to be her friend obviously much more, and I hope one day she will see who I am and that I can truly make her happy and her feelings might return. I think in my case, limited contact might be the option, although, it is gonna make it hell for me to try and get over her and seeing her is soo hard. As many people have said it about being able to be comfortable around her, being able to control emotions and actions. Right now when im with her, I just want to reach out and hold her..... I have tried fighting for the relationship but this seems to make things worse and annoy her as is explained in so many other posts. That has been in ways by telling her how i feel all the time though. I think there may be different ways to fight. I will never give up on her, she is worth way too much. But I may have to stand back for a while and just let her know that I am always there for her. Thanks again for your good wishes and if you feel you want to write more, pls do!!!

Hi all, im new to this site and stumbled accross it by accident. I have read all of the pages of posts and thought i should highlight my own situation in order to try and seek some advice. I realise I have to keep it as short as possible! But it is long, so I apologise!!! My ex and I split up after 9months. It was my stupid decision... It was a long distance realtionship as I was studying in a dif country and she lived here. The first months of our relationship were brilliant however and we both felt that we should be together forever. When I was studying we saw each other every 4 weeks or so, which was paradise. We were both very much in love with each other. So, neway, due to various stresses including my final year at university, living away from home, career plans and my dissertation i began to get confused around May about what i really wanted from life. I split up with my her as my confusion made me think that I didn't love her as much as i thought. We tried to work things out and she came to visit me etc. but I hurt her so much, pushed her away and i was so set on the fact that I thought i was better off where i was due to better jobs, money etc. I had also never intended b4 i met her to return to my home country, as I thot i would be unhappy there. I was going through a real difficult period and I didn't realise at this time just how strongly i felt about her and what i was losing and so I stayed where i was. A couple of months went by and we never really got anything sorted, as i became jealous of a certain fella who she had become closer to who i knew she liked and trust became a problem. Also we were both unsure of what was for the best. Friends or B/f and g/f.... I knew i should never have ended it with her, I knew that from the day i did it as I love her so much. I couldnt eat or sleep and was a mess, just like now, but at the time I just couldn't decide what to do. We went away several times for the weekend or nights when i was at home, got on like a couple but then after those days we wudn't actually officially get back together and I would fly back to college. We booked a holiday in august and I planned to move back home straight after to try and sort things out once and for all as I was certain then what I wanted from life, that our love was so much more important than anything else. She knew I was coming home and i would have been home sooner if it wasnt for some outlying commitments where i was studying. So, we went on holiday and I tried to patch things up. She told me she didnt feel the same anymore. I moved back home anyway as intended and to fight for our love. We went away on the fri after I got home and spent the night together. Two days later, we were supposed to spend the day together. When i went to collect her, she told me that she had met someone else, and had been on a couple of dates with him b4 the holiday, while i was away. I was gutted and still am, and i just can't imagine the rest of my life without her. I believe she is the one! We used to speak and text everyday, even after the split in May we would talk for hours, it never really felt until this time that I had lost her, and was hoping to put things right and make up for my past mistakes. It wasnt the new guy who made me realise I had made a huge mistake, I realised this more than a month before I knew about him..... At first, and right up until the other day I must admit I have been pestering her and tryin to make her realise what we were and how good the love we had was. As many people mentioned, it only makes things worse and makes her and him closer. They are still together now, three months on and its killing me. I just don't know what to do. I did cut contact with her for just over a week there because i phoned one night and her new man answered and told me she didnt want to talk to me. She says she wanted a break and thought it would help me too. I couldn't bear hearing his voice on the phone. So, i didnt contact her and then about a week after, she phoned me. The main purpose of the call was to help her with some university work. I had always been there for her when she started studying and always helped her. Being me, and loving her so much, I would do anything to help her and let her know I am there for her. She did cry cause she was feeling so stressed and I agreed to help her. I spent 3 nights of that week at her house helping her and finally got it done yesterday. It was great to see her, but uncomfortable too and hurt like hell. It was so hard, im just not ready to be my normal self with her although I wish I could as being the 'me' she fell in love with is the only way i have a hope. When i could see she was stressed I gave her back a rub or ran my fingers thru her hair. Most of the time she didnt actively resist this. Im just soo down and when im with her I keep asking questions about her and him. I did say a few stupid things, showing my weakness and crying in front of her. I miss our love more than anything in this world. One day after i finished the work, i broke down. I told her love her so much and am so sorry for the times i hurt her in the past. She means everything to me and I need to figure out how to get her back. I told her how much i love her again and how I am always there for her. She told me she doesn't love me and is happy with him and just wants us to be good friends. I feel sick. She said she never thinks of us together and says we will probably never be, but I won't give up hope. I made her a cd a few weeks back of our fav songs. She listened to it and cried and said it was so sad and she wished she could get her feelings back and wondered where and how it all went wrong but felt if it didnt work the first time it wouldn't 2nd time round. Im just so confused by some of the things she says, like she wished she could get her feelings back but then wont give 'us' a chance. When i came home i only wanted to prove things could work, that i was sorry for splitting up with her and wouldnt ever ever hurt her again and that I am the guy that she once loved and wanted to spend the rest of her life with. I know i would have to rebuild her trust again etc. I tried to point out how much I do for her, that I go out of my way for her, more than any of her friends or her new fella and try to get her to recognise how special that is. When i try to talk about us she just wants to go off the phone, or won't talk about it. She sees him quite a lot, and im just so scared that I will never get her back. She says me and him are just two different people, but obviously he is better and it worries me how she can go from loving me to nothing in such a short space of time. Recently she has asked me to help her with more work, and I have obliged apart from once. I told her on saturday after helping her for the last time that I could not do anymore work for her. I felt used and told her this and everyone else arounf me could see thats all she ever seemed to contact me for. We argued most of the day as I kept on thinking about us and things and she just wanted to get the work done and seemed to care little about what I was going thru. She emailed me last night to say that even though we are not together I am still special, and she doesnt want to lose me from her life. She doesnt want to fight with me, wants to be friends and I will always have a special place in her heart...... Im so lost, so confused and dont know what action to take as initially I was the dumper.... I was so wrong and would do anything in this world to be back with her. Do i be friends, do i cut contact, is there anything I can do to get her back. I have read several theories, no contact, agreeing with her ego, lots of ones, but I just dont know what path to take! This is where I am relying on the advice of all you wonderful people to help to to realise what I am doing wrong or what i should do or any other advice you have for me. p.s. sorry its so long, i just wanted to give as much info as possible! Hope you have some great advice... I need it!!