Emotionally Drained

[thoughts]

My boyfriend and I have been together since March 1st(have known eachother for 8 years). We've been living together since June 1st. I do not understand what is happening. Last night I had a class in NYC which ends at 9pm - afterwards, I met up with a cousin of mine for about a half hour - he was in town from Dallas. My boyfriend called around 9:45 wanting to know where I was - I told him I was on my way home and I had met up with my cousin for a bit. My boyfriend got really angry. Started saying how he was sitting home waiting for me, yada yada yada. So, when I got home, he still gave me attitude. It was late, so I just made myself something to eat and watched television. We usually go to bed early (around 9:30/10ish), but he was still up. He kept walking into the living room asking me if I was coming to bed soon. Around 11, I came to bed. We cuddled and went to sleep. This morning, alarm went off at 6am - we cuddled for about a half hour as usual and he got up, took a shower and almost left without saying goodbye. I stopped him and he was obviously still angry from the night before. He reluctantly gave me a kiss goodbye and then that was it. We usually speak a few times a day and I have heard nothing. I have called him twice and sent him two texts - one of which carried some bad personal medical news my dr. had informed me about earlier. I really need to speak with him and I can't think about anything else. This isn't the first time it has happened. It is as if he has two personalities. One that is loving and caring and then there is one that is SO mean and selfish...it's emotionally draining!

[novaseeker]

Eh, he needs to communicate better. If he was annoyed, he should have discussed it with you, rather than being passive-aggressive about it. That's issue number one.

 

Isssue number two would be why he would have been annoyed to begin with. It strikes me as excessively controlling that he would be upset that you met your cousin after class. That's a pretty big red flag for me, to be honest.

[DN]

Was he aware that you would be late back from class or was he scared that something had happened to you? An accident for instance.

 

If that is the case, it is not pleasant sitting at home worried that something bad has happened to someone you love when a simple phone call would have relieved the concern.

[dreamy333]

i think you should have at least called him and told him you would be late. men have a hard time of saying things sometimes their pride gets int he way.

[thoughts]

but, now today i still have not been able to reach him and some things are beginning to stick in my head, causing me to obsess about them - he got a text last night from one of his male friends which read, "what would (my name) do?" now i'm wondering if he is planning on leaving me or something. i called him at work and they said he would be back in a half hour and i have heard nothing. this is SO UNFAIR

[Tigris]

I agree with DN it is frightening when you're waiting for someone and they don't show up at a specified time.

 

It would have been better for both of you if you had telephoned to say you were going to be late.

 

I think you need to talk to him and find out why he's been doing no communication throughout the day.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Mun]

Hey,

I hope you are doing a bit better. Sounds like you got a man that really cares and wories about you.

 

I think you should stop the calls and texts for now and wait until you get home to talk this out face to face. Don't jump to conclusions or this will get out of hand.

 

When you see him apologize to him for not having the mind to call and let him know where you were. Let him know you understand that you made a mistake and would not like it if it were reversed, so that he knows you mean what you are saying. Then offer him a make up masssage or something like that he would enjoy... you get the idea.

 

Love

[RayKay]

How do you know what kind of texts he got?

 

I think this is a communication issue, there is something up, but he needs to come to you with it...he is sorting through something anyway.

 

Best thing you can do is let him know ONCE that you are there to listen if he needs to say anything and leave it..let him be until he feels ready/comfortable. He may have been upset that he did not know where you were, or it may be he has other things on his mind either related or not to you (like your illness - good luck with that too by the way), for example.

[thoughts]

I guess I should have mentioned that he's done this before. And the last time he did the no communication thing he ended up not coming home til 1am and it turned out he was with another woman - talking about the things he couldn't talk to me about. Which sucked! You can imaginine now, all of the things going through my head. Meanwhile, I am 30 and he is 26 - on one hand he tells me we are going to get married, but on the other hand I feel like I am the sucker. The sucker who pays all the bills, who makes sure all the I's are dotted and the T's are crossed. I will not call him again or send him any texts. But, now I am crying at my desk and wondering why, once again, I am not good enough to be loved.

[DN]

I am sorry you are upset and I can understand why. But he did not say he does not love you? Or did he? On the face of it, if he was worried that would seem to indicate that he does.

 

If you feel he is taking advantage of you financially then you had better deal with that. But this is an issue that should be dealt with either separately or as part of a general 'relationship discussion'. But it should be addressed.

[Mun]

Of course you are good enough to be loved, what you might not be good at is setting boundaries.

 

Why is it you that pays all the bills and as you say makes sure all the t's are crossed and i's dotted? What about him? Doesn't he contribute equally in the relationship ? and if you get married don't you think it will continue to be like this?

 

You do definitely need to talk to him, but before this have a discussion within yourself about what you want from a relationship and if he is not willing to give that then maybe this is not the man for you. You shouldn't be doing all the work and of course he should not run to another person to talk about things dealing with both of you.

 

Have some conditions for how you want to be treated... don't settle for less.

 

Best wishes.