When to draw the Line

[seg172]

I am only posting this because I really don't know what to do, and would appreciate any advice you can give.

 

It is sort of a long story so bear with me PLEASE.

 

So I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 years. He was my first boyfriend, kiss and everything else. I've known him since highschool and he has cheated in all of his previous relationships. However, I have always trusted him in ours. Of that six years we have experienced 3 years intermitently of long distance relationship. about 1.5 yrs ago, I took a job that caused me to travel non-stop for two years. Three months after I left we went through some trouble and took a break for a couple weeks, during which I had cheated on him and never told. Once we got back together I saw him twice. The second time, he asked me to marry him. To be honest, I wasn't sure I was ready for that type of commitment, but said yes anyway. When he went home, I ended up falling in love with my partner in work and dated him for four months. Finally, when I told my fiance he was devistated and broke the engagement. He also told me that he had had a one night stand four years earlier that he never told anyone about.

I continued to travel and we continued to talk and finally agreed to see each other after seven weeks of turmoil. When I came to see him we were like normal again and things were starting to go well. We said that we would put all arguments suspicions on the table and try to wipe the slate clean to see if we could begin to heal. At this point he told me there was no one that he had been involved with. As time went by I began to suspect that he was lying. I asked him and he just laughed at me. then I asked around and found out that he had slept with another girl. When I confronted him he still denied it until I told him my source. Finally, he told me, but made me tell him her name, he wouldn't say it. As we began to discuss and I put me evidence down he told me that after one month of us living together and working things out, when I was away to visit family, he slept with her again.

At this point, I had quit my job and moved to a new country for him. We were supposedly back on track and moving forward.

He had seen me only the day before, and still went ahead with his action.

I know that initially, they were a reaction to my horrible actions, but I am worried there is more that I don't know. He is very secretive about his actions and his friends didn't even know about her.

Now, she is the sister of our roommates girlfriend and I am forced to see her all the time.

My dilemma is that, after my experiences it only made me see that what I had was so great and I would give anything to get him back, but now I find out all of these secrets that he obviously is very good at keeping. I want to know how many more skeletons are in his closet, and is this relationship worth saving? Will we ever get back to where we were? And now I wonder... Where were we anyway?

PLEASE Somebody help me!

[dreamy333]

once trust is broken its hard to repair. are you emotionally and mentally stable to handle it.. its a few steps forward a few steps back. remember if you go looking for things youo find things stuff you might not want to know so you have to prepare yourself for what you might find out... but chances are if you are finding things out there are more things you dont know. i mean you cant figure out all his secrets.. does he lie alot?

[RandomAdvisor]

Can this relationship be saved? I don't think so. You both made a serious attempt at it with putting everything on the table and trying to wipe the slate clean. This is exactly the kind of thing that should happen when you want to put a relationship back on track. But then what does he do? He lies to you! You rightly suspect his lie, and do some digging to confirm it's a lie. You confront him. What does he do? Why, he lies to you again of course! That's all the information I need to know to see this relationship is dead. The fact that you have to see this girl he slept with now is just icing on a very icky cake. You cheated on him as well, and that was wrong. But he was not sincere when you tried to fix things. You would be a fool to ever trust him again.

 

You made a mistake quiting your job and moving to be back with him. I suggest you break up with him, go to strict NC, and move on.

[Dannysgirl]

I agree with Some_Guy. This relationship is not worth saving there has been too much betrayal and lying for it to work. End this unhealthy relationship and go strict NC.

[seg172]

Thanks for the advice. Sometimes it is so hard to admitt the truth and sometimes other people need to tell it to you! I have been reading up on all this stuff and everyone says if you think it, probably, 95% of the time it is true.

I can't explain to you how wonderful I thought our relationship was before I left. We were the fairytale of all our families and friends. I know that I love him so much and that is why this just hurts so bad.

I don't want to admit to myself that I should leave, even though as a rational person, I know that is the answer.

I blame myself for everything that has happened, because he did nothing but love me and wait while I was away and I let him down. But still, his reactions were his own choices, and now I am afraid it has just gone too far.

God, this hurts so bad.

[Tigris]

I'm sorry he's always going to cheat on you.

 

I hope you find somebody more worthwhile.

 

Good luck and take care.