Its been over a year...

[peanut15]

Sorry about my topic being quite vague. Its has been well over one year since my husband's affair. It has been really hard for me to deal with but I am not as depressed as I was beforehand. He has been trying to show he is trustworthy except for a couple of things. I understand that at some point I need to let his affair be a part of the past and move on however if it does affect me in some way, he tells me to get over it or else he'll leave. Another thing is that he has only female friends and hangs out with NO males. He made a snide comment to me the other night after we had a fight about him having female friends and being invited places by them. He said "You get mad if I wants to hang out with my female friends. What next, you'll get mad if I start having males friends and hang out with them? Will you think I'm having a gay relationship with them the guys too?" I snapped back and told him that he never has hung out with any guys so that actually would be a treat for me.

 

I am at a loss. He's making me feel guilty about feeling this way. I felt like I was walked all over when he had his affair and now I'm beginning to feel the same thing again.

 

Words of advice?

[Rayana]

Why did you forgive him after his affair? Many woman have husbands who cheat on them and still go on to have happy marriages. Its a bad phase. This would depend on whether its a regualr thing or a one off. If its a one off then i guess he could be forgiven, mistakes happen. But a serial cheat should be disposed off asap.

 

I can only imagine what you re going through with his female friends, and like you i would be concerened. Seeing that you have already spoken to your husband about this, it is clear that he does not take your feelings into account.

 

Why are you still in this marriage?

[DaLostSoul]

im so sorry to hear that but how long have u been marrie dto this man? i hope u could still tell me more about ur prob. well i had some ex-bfs though its a bf in my case that there are cases that one of my bf chooses my close friend that me but i would want to know deeper ur relationship with him..how's ur sexual relationship with him? is he sweet to u? well if he's really working for ur trust he should never said words like "he'll leave if u dont believe him"

[novaseeker]

I understand that at some point I need to let his affair be a part of the past and move on however if it does affect me in some way, he tells me to get over it or else he'll leave.

 

Well, he's being really unfair there. The reality is that his actions have consequences, and only time and his counteractions can alleviate those. If he's saying threatening things like that, it's really very unfair and he doesn't seem to get what the impact of his actions really was.

 

The only thing I can suggest is that you explain to him that you are working on recovering from his affair still, but that you need more time, and his support and demonstrated fidelity, and that his pressures and so forth are hurtful and reflect that he doesn't get it.

 

On the female friends thing ... I don't know. Do you think it's a real risk? How well do you know these people?

[sonjam]

Peanut, you posted about the affair and how you can't get over it, didn't you? I think I remember.

 

Anyway. Having been a cheated wife too, and my ex sounds too close for comfort to yours, (and this is a wild guess) but he's out on the prowl hunny.

 

If he invites you WITH to go to the whatever his girly friends wants to do, no problem - if he goes alone BIG PROBLEM.

 

Some men (and women) are just like that, in the sense that they can never stay commited to just one other person. He sounds like he could be one of those. It is nothing that you did wrong, it takes two to tango, and you weren't even invited to the Dance!

 

Things to do: stop complaining - you will only drive him away even further from you.

 

Start doing your own fun activities. If you want to save this relationship, be the best wife that you can be, forget about the past, set a goal date, and if by then things don't improve, make a decision. Then you did all you can do, and you owe it to yourself to find or be with somebody that will love you, and only you.

 

 

Good Luck

[Day_Walker]

If you cant get over the affair, then its time to start thinking of other options.

[RandomAdvisor]

I'd like to echo comments made by Rayana and Sonjam. Why did you choose to remain in the marrige after the affair, and why aren't you invited to hang out with him and his girlfriends?