What is happening between me and her?

[byates5637]

Long story...i'll try to make it short. I dated this girl for almost 2 and a half years. I dumped her in may. I tried to get her back a couple weeks later because i realized how much i loved her. She didn't want to take me back. I begged her, sent her flowers did everthing i could. It all failed. I did NC for a month. In July we got back together(casual sex?) for a couple days. I put alot of pressure on her to commit during this time and i think i scared her away cause she said she didnt want to be with me.so i begged and pleaded a little bit more with no success.

 

Then i found this website and learned so much about what to do and what not to do. I went NC for a couple weeks and then we started talking again. I did everything right. I put no pressure/guilt on her. I appeared strong and focused on myself. It worked great and before i knew it she was dying to get back together with me. So we got back together and decided to take it slow. Everything was wonderful. I let her make all the moves. She initiated sex. She started telling me she loves me and calling me pet names. She spent alot of time with me. We were both so happy. Well it's been about 6 weeks since we got back together and i feel like everything is starting to fall apart again.

 

All of a sudden she hardly ever has time to see me. She does have a new job, and between her job and school i understand her schedule is busy...but i feel like i am way down at the bottom of her list of priorities now. It has been 10 days since we have slept together. I do see her most days because she gives me rides to school, but that is about all i see her. When she does find time to be with me, she will usually spend an hour with me then tell me she has to go for this or that reason.

 

So i decided i would just try to talk to her about what is going on. A couple days ago i asked her why things are like this. She told me that sometimes she gets scared about commiting to me but that she thinks everything will be ok. I told her if she didn't want to be with me to just end it, but she said that she doesn't want that. She still tells me she loves me and calls me hunny but i just feel like it's empty because she hasn't been backing it up with actions.

 

Today we hung out at her house for 5 hours before she had work, which is the most time we have spent together in 10 days. She was tired so she went to sleep! I layed there cuddling her for 2 hours and then i gently started kssing her to wake her up and have sex with me. When she woke up she flipped out at me and started yelling. We didnt talk for 30 minutes and finnally she apologized. Then she became very loving and said she was sorry and she loves me blah blah blah.

 

I have been a mess over this girl for the whole summer, and as soon as things were getting really good again everything changed and i feel like its starting to tare me apart again. I keep telling myself i am going to wait just a little longer and see if things get better...but my question is how long do i wait? Do you think she is just testing me to see how much i will put up with? Or is she just taking me forgranted because she knows how much i love her right now? please give advice..it is much appreciated

[Meow18]

You have her confused. First you break up with her then a couple weeks later you are sending her flowers and doing all you can to get back with her. In a way she might feel like you took her for granted.

 

She might be testing you. You broke her heart. Can you expect her to just forget and move on like nothing happened?

 

Maybe you just need to talk to her about what happened. Does she know why you broke things off?

[Yowser_76]

I agree with Maggie. It sounds like your girl is confused and probably insecure about where she stands with you. You broke up with her last time so maybe she's afraid of it happening again. Even if a break up is only for a couple of weeks, it's still enough to rattle someones confidence.

[kellbell]

Read my response here....

 

 

 

it still applies.

 

Be well and take care.

[byates5637]

Thanks for all the replys everyone.

 

I don't think you all totally understand the situation. When i dumped her she cryed and tried to physically attack me. She was upset. However, she got over it very quick. Alot of people on these forums have ALOT of trouble getting over being dumped. I am one of these people, but my girlfriend is not. Within a week or two of us breaking up she made a bunch of new friends and was over me. It seemed like she was doing really good.

Over the last few months I have made it very clear to her how i feel about her. She knows and believes that I love her with all my heart. Maybe she is still insecure that i will dump her again, but she doesnt act this way and i have done everything i can to prove i won't.

 

Kellbell - one thing you said really gets me... you said

" I have a feeling she put A LOT in your relationship the first time around, sacrificed a lot...this time she isn't."

 

That is soooo true. You read the situation very good. She used to do so much for me and put up with alot. Now the tables have more then turned and i am giving her the world while she is barely trying.

 

So many relationships seem have an unbalanced amount of love. She used to love me so much and i was somewhat indifferent. As soon as i start loving her the way she always wanted me to love her she starts becoming indifferent. I just want me and her to be able to have mutual and equal love...but i don't know if this will ever happen.

[kellbell]

Gosh, don't you hate that. When one person pulls the other pushes, then when that person starts to push the others pulls? Ahhh. Love can be so complicated at times. It seems you 2 were at different places at different times. It can be very frustrating at times. I guess the only thing you can do is lay low for awhile and let things settle and take things slower than you have been. The bottom line, when things are meant to be, the will be. If not, then we have to move on. It's hard, but things that are worthwhile are ever easy. Take care, my friend. Best wishes to you.

[byates5637]

Well she came over and spent the night last night(it was her idea, i dont ask her to hang out anymore because im tired of hearing she's busy). Everything went really good. Maybe my brain just exaggerates alot of the problems between us to torture myself. We did get in a fight this morning about me wanting to have sex. Last night she was to tired to have sex so she told me to wake her up by just sticking it in her. I tried in the morning and all hell broke loose. we made up about 5 minutes later though and everything seems to be going really good.

 

thanks for all the advice everyone. Take care!