silent pain Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Relaps suxs. sorry guys to talk me crap again, repeative i know I am starting to feel good about myself, i have started things to make me feel better about myself. But once again my self esteem was beaten to the ground again. For god dam like 3 months i havent been touched AT ALL, its been wonderful. Been keeping out of his way, doing what he says when he demands it & just walking around with a smile.. I found it was the only way i could get a bit of peace but I forgot to leave a note when i went to the supermarket. I am so embarressed and stoopid. I dont understand what i did this time. REally!!! a note.......... I dont want to leave my room until i leave this horrible place.(which i am doing in 5 weeks) I dont know what else to do. But if i stay in my room that most likely will agitate him more. I know everything i can do, this forum has trught me these things already, i have been informed, i just needed to get it out, i thought it was going really well. My plan was going perfectly, but now........i dont know anymore. I have a class to go to tonight but i am way to scared to go to that as that was one thing (along with me just being alive) he blammed this relaps on "your not home on mondays, you stoopid ........." I just dont understand how someone can stand over someone they love that they have just shoved to the ground and kick them while they are down on the ground begging for them to stop. How does that happen????? my face, neck, shoulders and throat are really sore today, but i got 5weeks left and im gone.............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 This is really bad, and I am so sorry that happened to you. I know what you have been going through and I hope that when you are able to get away you can stay away. Remember that there are people here who really care about you and want you to be free and safe. You know where to come to if you need to talk things through. Try to be as careful as you can until you can get away. Stay strong and we will help you as best we can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Hi Silent, I am glad to hear that you are still with us! And sorry to hear that he attacked you again. Are you going to your brother's in 5 weeks? Are you planning on going back to him after that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silent pain Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 Yep 5 weeks left, im counting the days down. I dont know what i am doing Hope. All i know is that i may feel better when my mom n dad drop me off to the airport. Im taking my steps as they come. I dont know what will happen when i get to my brother (he may make me stay, i may want to stay). Im just taking scary steps on my own behalf ATM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Take care of yourself - and I hope your brother takes care of you as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonjam Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 OMG, are you o.k. my friend!! You should know by now somoene who does those things to you DOES NOT LOVE YOU!!!! My dearest dearest friend, don't lose focus of your goal, I know you will make it out of there, just count the days... I'm sorry I was not around this weekend, but you know you are always on my mind. I wish there was more I could do to help, you know you have to say the word, the distance is not that big between us that we are not able to help you, you know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silent pain Posted October 10, 2005 Author Share Posted October 10, 2005 sonja i feel like im back to where i started. I wont let it be but it just feels like it. I am being as focused as i can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonjam Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Please take a good long hard look inside your own heart, and decide, do you really really believe he loves you? Would you do these things to somebody YOU love? and most of all, how would you react to him if he was doing it to somebody else, like a close family member, would you just sit back and watch, and say or do nothing? 'cmon girl, you really really need to take action!! YOU DESERVE THE BEST, and he's slowly killing you! It would break my heart, I know you can do better, you showed me this, I believe in you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sonjam Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Silent Pain, don't ever let him call you stupid, you are a very intelligent bright young lady,! I get really angry when he calls you that. You know in your heart it's not the truth, don't you dare start believing the things he's telling you. YOU have the right to do what you want, you should not have to report to him all the time, and have him monitor you. HE HURTS YOU! I'm so upset right now. And you carry the bruises.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Sonja is so right. This guy only loves himself. He beats you and humiliates you because he is so pathetic that he can only build his own self esteem by tearing down yours. People like him are entirely wrapped up in themselves - he loves only himself and doesn't really see you as a whole person with a life of your own. He sees you as an extension of his - someone given to him in order to relieve his frustrations at not being a really powerful man. Beating and humiliating you makes him feel powerful within his own home - and he will always find an excuse to beat you, physically or emotionally, because he needs that to feed his ego and to feel more of a man. He is a pathetic person really - a true loser at life, and the only way he can feel good about himself is to make you feel worse. But you are not a loser. You are a good and kind person who has been unfortunate enough to become emotionally involved with a man who had a certain charm about him, enough to draw you in and trap you into this horrible life. With our support, and hopefully that of your brother, you can break free of him. You are too good for him and you deserve to be with someone who treats you properly. Keep in touch with us - reach out to people who care about you and want to help you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hope75 Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Silent, We are here for you whenever you need to talk with us! I know how hard this is for you, I remember when I was there and it was so exhausting just to try and get through the day without ticking my ex off... just the thought of leaving for good was so daunting! Know that we are hear for you, and that if and when you feel ready, others have made it out, I am still here, and it will be 7 years next month since I walked out on him, and I am doing GREAT, back in school and pursuing what I love, happy with a man who would never dream of laying a hand on me like that. It can and does happen. You are a very bright, intelligent, beautiful person inside and out and when you are ready you CAN and WILL do this!! We are rooting for you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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