No interest in sex

[night_whisper]

I have not been interetsed in having sex in a long time... a LONG time. I 'm just not interested. I don't know why. I masturbate and I lust after guys (I'm gay) but I don't want to have sex with anyone. I have had sex many times in the past and I guess it was OK. But I haven't been trying to get together with someone in a very long time. And for many years (yes, I said years) when i have had sex with a guy, I never got an erection. I enjoyed the sex, but it was all about me doing for them. Needless to say, this lack of "response" on my part, even in the middle of it all, is very confusing to the guys, and to me. So I avoid having sex with them again. Or anyone for that matter. I'm over-simplifying this whole thing, but I think you have some idea what I'm saying. I just don't understand why. I know each of us have different sex drives, but mine is in neutral. It wasn't always like this. I can remember when I would get very excited about having sex. And then just one day... nothing. I've tried looking at my life and seeing if there was something that happened that put me off sex, but I can find nothing. Its very weird and I'm very confused. (sorry about the long post)

[Shadows Light]

Coud you be ASEXUAL????

 

link removed

 

It explains the nuetral feelings you have and lack of arrousal.

 

Just a thought.

[night_whisper]

I wish it was that simple. I don't think it is. I would love to be with someone sexually and I want to have sex. But I run from every opportunity. Part of that running has now become expecting to fail and not wanting to get in that embarrassing situation again. And I know that I have been in love with an unattainable person for many, many years. (That aspect with this person has ended because of a recent tragedy.) But I keep wondering if there is something wrong with me because I am so afraid to let someone close enough to me that a sexual relationship is possible/probable. I know I'm not being very clear. I have trouble explaining all this.

[rikki_tikki_tavi]

I can understand only so much from your description of this situation, not knowing you personally, so if I misunderstand you or inadvertently offend you, I apologize in advance.

 

It *might* be possible that your body is responding to a lack of emotional fulfillment. We all have a need to be treated with respect. Sometimes, I think, we need reverence as well. While that's possible with casual sex, that level of care and consideration isn't probable. I ask you to consider the possibility that what you might need is care, patience, and some extra consideration from someone willing to take time with you. Part of why massage feels so wonderful is that the whole body is being paid close attention. The body knows better than us what we need, and if we don't receive it, we usually get strong indicators.

 

To suffer severe dissappointment, like feeling strongly drawn to someone unattainable can impact the body physiologically. When I'm seriously agitated or depressed, strong physical desire isn't a possibility for me, either. Certainly, fear of embarrassment would perpetuate that stress, and the resulting condition. I suggest that there is nothing wrong with you, but rather, that a little extra, out of the way care that could reawaken your drive to engage in sex actively. I think you deserve it, and have every right to ask for it. My opinion, for your consideration.

[ReJecT]

wow, umm passing up opportunities to have sex and then saying you do want to have sex is maybe a mental case

[L8RISER]

When we experience fear or stress, our bodies responsed physiologically with the "fight or flight" reaction. It's impossible to be arroused or maintain sexual desires in this state. It's a primitive survival reaction. Imagine how far the human speicies would have gone if the caveman and woman continued banging away when a sabre tooth tiger jumped out from behind a bush? Your sex life or lack there of is causing fears and stress somehow. Get professional help.

[night_whisper]

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been a little distracted. But I really appreciate all the feedback.

Rikki - I think you might be very right. I have been feeling unfullfilled for a long time. I do deal with some depression (medicated and stable, I guess). And there have been a lot of difficult situations I have been dealing with for a long time too. So I haven't been with anyone who has fulfilled my need for connection. Maybe that is what the whole problem is. Not a disinterest in sex so much as a lack of emotional connection with someone. And that is my fault because I never let anyone get close enough to become significant. I never seem to let it get past the infatuation stage. Hmmm... maybe I need to look at this from a different angle.

oh, and L8RISER... I've needed professional help for a LONG time. LOL

Sorry for the long post

[babycristy456]

Hey, I just read your post. I agree with you. You might need an emotional relationship instead of just a sex based relationship. You might be all sexed out by now. You might be grossed out from all the previous sex by now.

 

I don't know your personal situation. But I know from friends of mines that have had meaningless sex in the past, they have gotten "grossed" out by sex and just lack interest in it.

 

If you find the right person, maybe they can bring out the spark in you.