Mysterious kiss off

[Puddin]

I suppose this is yet another "he didnt call me" post but I wanted to get others ideas of what this may have been all about. I'll try to be as specific as possible; here goes...

 

Met and dated this guy for a little over a month and half. We went out several times and kind of graduated to hanging out at my house eating dinner, watching movies, snuggling, etc. We saw each other at least 4x per week and had a very relaxed comfortable relationship. We were intimate on several occasions and were very compatible.

 

Two Saturday's ago we got together for dinner and a movie again and I asked him to stay over but he declined because my Son was home. Hey, I can respect that and appreciated his thoughtfullness of my son since I was tipsy and wasnt thinking too logically. We planned on getting together for breakfast the next day and maybe do something fun.

 

The next day I called him and got voicemail. A few hours later when I hadnt heard from him, I went over to his house to kick his butt out of bed and go do our thing. I rang the bell and he answered the door - it was obvious that I had woken him up and he wasnt happy about it. Anyway, he went in and sat on the couch to explain that he hadnt gotten any sleep that night and was really tired. I told him to go back to bed and it was fine so we could talk later - maybe get together in the evening.

 

He didnt call. The next day I called and left a message that I was feeling funky about what happened and could he call. No response. A a few days later I called and said that I was very worried about him. No response.

 

So, it's been over a week and there has been no contact. It's obvious to me that he is finished and that's fine. I was stewing for several days and just sent an email stating how I felt and how I wish that he would have had enough regard for me to be honest and tell me the way it is... I thought we had a pretty open relationship as far as communication.

 

I'm ok now but still mystefied as to his behavior. Any ideas???

[kellbell]

hey there,

 

It's so weird how this works but it seems like the more we push, the other will pull and vise versa. If I were your situation, as hard it may seem to do, I would lay low for a few days and let him contact you. It seems like this relationship is a bit one-sided and you are doing all the work. Let him come to you. In the meantime, try to keep yourself busy with other things. I know it's hard but the more you push, the more this guy is going to pull away. Take care and good luck with everything.

[DN]

Did he say why he had got no sleep?

 

Perhaps something has happened to him, you could think about going over to make sure he is ok - and if he is tell him first you were just concerned for his well-being and then tell him that you don't appreciate his non-response and then leave.

[Puddin]

Kellbell, since it's been over a week and he would call me every day, I think it's clear that either he met someone else or decided I wasnt "it". Just wish he would have communicated that to me because I thought he had more regard for me than that.

 

DN, he said that he couldnt sleep all night long and had just gotten to sleep around 7:30 - the thought did cross my mind that maybe there was someone else there but can't be sure.

 

At this point I just feel like I'd be pathetic to go over there again but I may drive by his work sometime and see if his car is there... just to make sure something didnt happen to him. I don't want to do anything that smacks of stalker or pathetic woman who chases the guy. It's possible that he was really ill but it seems to me that if someone likes you, they are going to find a way to call.

[kellbell]

You just answered your own question there, if someone likes you enough, he or she will find a way to call. Definatley keep that in mind when you want to contact him. Hang in there.

[Puddin]

You just answered your own question there, if someone likes you enough, he or she will find a way to call. Definatley keep that in mind when you want to contact him. Hang in there.

 

I guess I did LOL

 

Bottom line is that I don't want to be with someone who #1 isnt a friend enough to be honest and #2 just isnt that into me (a term very overused but true)

[DN]

The reason I mention that is because there was a member who posted a while ago who had not heard from her b/f for several days and was angry. He had gone to Florida to see his family and wasn't calling or returning calls. It turned out he was in an accident and was in hospital. Her number was entered in his cell-phone which he didn't have with him and he could not remember the number. Eventually his sister found it and called her.

 

I was wondering if the reason he could not sleep was some sort of medical condition that got worse.

 

Seeing if his car is there is probably a good idea.

[Puddin]

I'm going to feel really horrible if something happened to him but if his car is there..... A pox be upon him

[annie24]

Hmmm.... ok, a potential theory about this behavior is explained in the book, "Mars and Venus on a Date." Pretty much the push/pull thing. I notice it too, like a month or two into my relationships. All of a sudden, the guy withdraws. The best thing to do is to let him withdraw, and have his space. And when he comes back, not to be angry with him.

 

I can see how he might have been annoyed - you called him 4 times in a few days. Sometimes, I tell people that I'm busy and I'll call them when I get to it, and they keep calling, it just pisses me off. It's like they're not respecting my need for space. That just pushes me away more. As opposed to if they only called once, then I would feel more incentive to call as soon as things calmed down.

 

I do agree with the Mars and Venus book - it says it's best to call during such a "withdrawl" with a friendly sounding question - like, "hey - could I get the number of that auto mechanic you said was really good?" or whatever. If you sound angry, you risk pushing them away.

 

Good luck.

[Puddin]

Annie, I called 3x not four but who's counting LOL

 

That could very well be it; however, I doubt I would just give him a pass at this point. Men over 40 should be a litte more in touch with their feelings... at least someone that I would want to be with.

 

I'm not really a harsh person and definitely not unforgiving but if there's no communication, then what's the point. If he's not in a coma somewhere, he definitely blew it with me.

 

Thanks for the tip on the book, I'll definitely check it out