Do I send a B-Day Card or Not . . . . . . .

[DyingInsideOut]

Hi Everyone. I need some advice. We split about 2 months ago. I immediately started no contact and was doing really well with it. Well about 3 weeks ago, he sent me an email telling me he missed me and he loved me. We exchanged a few emails and it basically turned out to his life sucks right now and he isn't sure what he wants in life. That he does love me and miss me, but he's not sure whether he wants to be with me. The past is clouding it all for him. Well, I sent him an email telling him not to contact me again until he knew what he wanted in life. That it was killing me to know that he still loves me but that he's not sure if he wants to be with me. So, I haven't heard from him since then. That was a week ago.

 

His birthday is coming up and I am wondering whether I should send him a b-day card. We were together for 4 years and I have since moved 1300 miles away. At one point, he was going to move with me, but then he decided he didn't want to go, and broke my heart in the process. Now, he's not sure what he wants in life and questions whether he gave up his "soulmate". I do want him back very badly, but it crushed me when he ended it with me. I was doing good until I heard from him, but now I'm back to square one . . . . . . . so, I'm wondering if I should send the card to let him know that I do love him and am still here, or will it just set me back that much farther?

 

Please help . . . . . . .

[BellaDonna]

I usually don't think breaking NC is a good thing, but seeing it was a 4 year relationship and that it didn't end on terrible terms...I think it's ok to send a b-day card. However I would get one that was humorous or neutral- not a mushy one. Don't pour your heart out in the card, just simply sign it. It will be a reminder let him know you're still thinking of him in general, but without putting yourself on the line.

 

That's what I would do,

 

BellaDonna

[darkblue]

Simply put, I think that if you did send him a card revealing that you missed him and still had felings for him; he would take advantage of it.

 

He would be in the position that he could do what he pleases.

 

If you do want to send him a card, I'd suggest sending an unemotional, amusing card - that lets him know you haven't forgot about him; but doesn't imply you're missing him.

[DyingInsideOut]

Hi BellaDonna,

 

Thank you for your post. Although, it did end badly. I posted about it, so if you search my previous posts, you'll see how it went. I thought I would die because I tried so hard.

 

The thing that I am worried about is I was doing really good. Not thinking about him as much, and then he sends me an email. And I took 20 steps backwards. I'm scared that if I send the card, that just opens me up to more pain. We've broken up and gotten back together so many times before. And in the past, we would always talk to one another after the break up. Which in turn lead us to get back together, but it was always because the other person would convince the other that it could work again. This time, I don't want to do that. He left me, I want him to come back because he wants to be with me, not because I have to convince him to. Does that make sense? And, if he is so unsure of what he wants, will sending him a card just make things worse??? There have been birthdays in the past that we weren't together and he would get upset when I wouldn't even acknowledge it was his b-day. So this time, I don't want to do that, but I also don't want to hurt anymore.

 

Thanks again.

[DyingInsideOut]

DarkBlue,

 

Thanks for your post. That's part of what I am worried about. By sending a card, am I opening myself up to contact with him and then him deciding that he doesn't want to be with me??

 

That involves more pain, and I am so tired of hurting.

[BellaDonna]

I'm scared that if I send the card, that just opens me up to more pain

 

By sending a card, am I opening myself up to contact with him and then him deciding that he doesn't want to be with me??

 

That involves more pain, and I am so tired of hurting.

 

 

 

Then don't send it. If you think it will set you back in the healing process, then there's no need to send one. You need to do what's best for you.

 

 

BellaDonna

[CATLOVER]

I think definitely dont send a card...I know a part of you will want to but its not worth steps backwards in your own healing for it. Not only that but in my experience when Ive done things like this after a relationship has ended its always been taken by them that Im still all hooked up on them........ If he decided not to be with you....well help him find out what that really feels like not having you there.............food for thought

[annie24]

That he does love me and miss me, but he's not sure whether he wants to be with me.

 

Oh blah. I hate that crap.

 

It sounds like you're still hung up on him. I don't see anything wrong with a quick, light card. Better yet, an e-Card. But, if you think that this may open a pandora's box of emotions, better not to. Protect yourself.

[ReadyorNot]

Is there any way you could just send him an email or text message saying

 

"happy birthday"

 

I do think that sending the card is a bad idea and will end up sending you a few steps back....

[DyingInsideOut]

Thanks everyone for your advice!

 

I don't think I'll be sending the card. Like Catlover said, he needs to see what it's like without me being there. And everyday that goes by, I seem to get just a little bit better. I don't want to spoil that. I want to get back to being happy and enjoying life.

[darkblue]

Good for you.