my bf refers to his self as a single guy....

[SeaBisquit]

my bf just continues to confuse the hell out of me. he'll says things like as a single guy i really need to be concerned about single women with children because they are just looking for someone to take care of them and it will hurt a guy financially. he said he read that in a book, that single women with children will break him. i am of course a single mother so i don't exactly understand what he is trying to tell me. So I asked him well, why are you even referring to yourself as single i thought we were a couple and i got now response from him at all. so now i'm thinking is it time for me to back my bags again? he has just been so weird talking about other women and stuff.

[chai714]

Consider the following:

 

It takes an agreement among two people to enter into a relationship.

 

Your relationship doesn't have an agreement among two people, only one.

 

thereforeeee, you aren't in a relationship.

 

Quit calling him your boyfriend, because there is no agreement. He considers himself single, talks to you about other women, and you're still around. Why?

[SeaBisquit]

because he says this to me and yet he is affectionate at the same time. it's confusing as hell. he says that he cares about me a lot . but yet he has says stuff to me that i can't seem to get past. i'm getting close to walking out the door again. i don't know if i'm over reacting or not, but he makes me feel like crap.

[chai714]

He can say anything he wants. I can sit here and tell you that I have a yacht, a huge white house that overlooks the ocean, and a wife who cooks great food.

 

He makes you feel bad, because you don't trust him and he claims he's not your boyfriend. Why be with someone who is not meeting your emotional needs? He's affectionate? What does that mean? He kisses you and more? That's only a small part of emotional fulfillment, but the other parts are missing here.

 

Figure out what you want first - whether it be tolerate this part time boyfriend, move out, or make him want to become your boyfriend.

[Dannysgirl]

Hi Seabiscuit,

 

This guy sounds like a complete nightmare. If I were you I would confront him on these comments he is making. Just ask him flat out, 'is this your way of trying to break up with me?' If it is I would appreciate it if you would tell me instead of messing me around like this.

 

It sounds like he is staying with you until something 'better' i.e no kids comes along, I would dump him pronto. You deserve better.

[SeaBisquit]

hi dannysgirl, i think what you said is probably the closest to the truth. the thing is he won't really come out and say it. it has broken up with me for reasons that just doesn't make any sense. i know when we were living together the first time he made it perfectly clear that i had to take care of my daughter myself because he had already raised up his children.

[SeaBisquit]

chai, thanks you also for your replies it makes alot of sense to me. i guess i just don't get why he would be a effort into me if i'm not what he wants. i wouldn't even make a effort if it was something i didn't want in the end. I don't get guys at all, geez!!

[Dannysgirl]

hi dannysgirl, i think what you said is probably the closest to the truth. the thing is he won't really come out and say it. it has broken up with me for reasons that just doesn't make any sense. i know when we were living together the first time he made it perfectly clear that i had to take care of my daughter myself because he had already raised up his children.

 

So he refuses to invest any time or effort in your daughter upbringing? What kind of man who cared about YOU would behave like that? So he's happy to have a relationship with you but not your daughter? him having raised his own kids is besides the point he knows you have a child and he cannot have one without the other, that is just the way it is. Seriously he sounds like a selfish moron and I tell him to get lost and find somebody who will treasure you both.

A man that thinks in that way has no business getting involved with somebody who has children anyway. If thats how he feels why did he bother in the first place?

[Beec]

One of the important things in a relationship is that we feel secure. My woman knows I am not running out on her or runnign around on her, and I know the same. That's part of our job in the relationship.

 

If he is not doing the job, then how does he make you feel? As Chai said, he is not giving you emotional fulfillment. Instead, he keeps your emotions on edge or in upheaval or even drags you down.

[Jaela]

SeaBisquit, why are you still involved with this guy? You and your daughter deserve better, and I think you know that.

[Dannysgirl]

I agree Beec, it seems pretty obvious that this relationship is not going to end up as a happy ever after, its far too unstable for that. The guy has already broken up with her before and is talking about other women as well as referring to himself as 'single' so he really doesn't appear to be very emotionally invested in the relationship and he certainly isn't meeting her emotional needs.

 

Do yourself a favour dear and get rid of him before he messes you around and causes you even more needless heartache.

 

Feel free to PM me if you want to.

 

Good luck and let us know how you're doing.

 

 

[RayKay]

Have you two ever had a conversation that talked about your "status" or commitment together? People will often say "I don't need a label" - but the fact is without that discussion, you may find you are on VERY different paths in the relationship and have VERY different ideas of WHAT the relationship IS exactly.

 

He may be affectionate and caring, but someone who considers themselves to be in a relationship - and one that sees you as his life partner - does not talk about himself being single and about the difficulties or hazards or pluses or anything else in dating and meeting other women.

 

Plus on top of that, he made those comments on single mothers KNOWING you ARE a single mother - that to me says VERY clearly that he does NOT consider you his girlfriend.

 

He does not sound like much of a catch if he does not even accept that you are a mother, who cares how many kids he has, when you get involved with someone - CHOOSE to get involved - you also accept all that comes with them - children included.

 

He is NOT meeting your needs for commitment and emotional fulfillment...and he wants you to give him YOUR all, without giving same in return.

 

I'd say you need to make a decision - if you are happy with someone whom is not committed to you and does not plan his future with you included, then by all means stay. If you want more, someone whom wants the same as you - it is not this guy.

[annie24]

I don't think he's trying to confuse you. I think that he saying pretty bluntly that he doesn't consider you two to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with those comments.

 

Like Chai said, I could say that I feel very emotionally attached to Brad Pitt, but I doubt that he'd say the same about me, seeing as how he's doesn't know me. It takes two to be in a relationship. I think you should gracefully duck out and meet someone who is more on your page.

 

he said he read that in a book, that single women with children will break him.

 

This wasn't an accidental statement. He knows you are a single mom, and he knows exactly what he said. No mixed messages here.

 

I'm white. If I were dating a black guy, and I said to him one day, "I read in a book that dating black guys isn't good for me" what do you think his reaction would be? So, why is your reaction any different when he says that single moms aren't good for him?!?!?

 

Good luck. Find someone new.