My Friends WANT me to break NC?!?!

[Natedoggld182]

Here is something I have been thinking about and dealing with lately.

 

I am doing NC. somewhere around 2 weeks.

I hear from two of my friends, who oddly enough are her roomates (they are both guys and have been my friends for years, so they are my friends first), that all she does is talk about me and why I wont call her back or talk to her at all. They are actually sick of hearing it, because all they hear is, "Nate knew me so well and I could talk to him about anything, Why wont he talk to me?!? I miss him soo much."

 

This last weekend when I went out with them they tried to get me to go over and just talk to her to make her feel better, because she is really depressed right now. BUT they do say that they don't see her wanting to get back together, so I dont see the point in talking to her right now, if she has no intention of getting back together. I would just feel rejected all over again.

 

Doesn't that just sound confusing...

 

Also our favorite band is coming to a nearby town in a few months, and she emailed me about it. I would love to go, we have gone together the everytime in the last 3yrs, and I haven't missed them in five years, I'm just not sure If I will be ready to go with her. Tickets go on sale this week, so if I want to go i need to decide now, I am doing well with NC and think I might be ready in a couple months to really spend time with her as friends, any advice?

[Ms Omaniac]

dont give in. keep doing the nc. if she has no intention of getting back together with you then you need to heal before you can talk to her again. her needing to talk to you and hoping you'll drop everything including your feelings is actually rather selfish of her. in know her friends are looking out for her....but they arent looking out for you. you need to look out for you because it looks like everyone else is worried about her and not you. focus on you.

 

- ivy

[nataliejulie]

You have the upper hand! Feel good!

 

If she has no intention of getting back together -- keep moving along!

 

Why give her the satisfaction of your company if she can't give you what you want?

[heloladies21]

You're doing good. Keep it up. If you want to go to the concert, go with someone else instead.

[DN]

Don't break NC. Your friends are well intentioned but forget your best interests - which is not being about her unless she wants to get back together.

 

Tell them why and tell them to tell her. If they (or she) care about you, they should understand.

[annie24]

This last weekend when I went out with them they tried to get me to go over and just talk to her to make her feel better, because she is really depressed right now. BUT they do say that they don't see her wanting to get back together, so I dont see the point in talking to her right now, if she has no intention of getting back together. I would just feel rejected all over again.

 

Doesn't that just sound confusing...

 

I think that this is the sanest thing I've read on this forum in a loooonnnggg time. You got it! You broke up, she doesn't want to get back together, in that case, sitting and talking will probably make you both feel worse. I think continuing NC is a good move on your part. Who cares what your friends think. It's between you and your ex. It's not their problem, even if they are roommates.

 

Go to the concert, but go with another friend.

 

Good luck!

[annie24]

Now that I thought about it some more.... your mutual friends are kind of crappy. Here's why: after a breakup, you're supposed to go to your friends for support. The friends are supposed to take the newly-single person out for dinners/therapuetic shopping/movies/etc. That is their job. You're the ex, you've already fulfilled your job. So, they want YOU to make her feel better? No. That's what THEY are there for.

[heloladies21]

Agreed

[Natedoggld182]

Now that I thought about it some more.... your mutual friends are kind of crappy. Here's why: after a breakup, you're supposed to go to your friends for support. The friends are supposed to take the newly-single person out for dinners/therapuetic shopping/movies/etc. That is their job. You're the ex, you've already fulfilled your job. So, they want YOU to make her feel better? No. That's what THEY are there for.

 

I know, they should take my side (they are my friends first), I think that they are sick about hearing about me, and just want me to talk to her so it can end. i think it will be a while before i save them

[annie24]

Friends/roommates... gotta love 'em!

 

"Nate knew me so well and I could talk to him about anything, Why wont he talk to me?!? I miss him soo much."

 

So, what does she want to talk to you about? Her philosophies about the world? Her new crushes? My POV is that if she just broke up with you, she was saying, "I don't want him to be an integral part of my life anymore." So, why does she want to keep having deep conversations with you? She sounds confused.

 

Well, she's your friends' problem now. Let them deal with it

[Natedoggld182]

I have another question.

 

I've read alot about people having bad days and good days with NC. But I don't necessarily have an entire bad day or good day. My mood and feelings change by the minute, literally. I can be feeling good about everything, and then literally the next I feel like absolute ****. What is normal, Does anyone feel like this.

 

I'm curious on how you know that you are progressing through NC, I mean there must be stages???

[annie24]

Sure, that sounds normal.

 

You mean, how do you know when NC is working? Well for me, it's when I stop noticing the things that I used to. As an example, right after a breakup, I would have a hard time walking by "our restaurant" or "his workplace." When you start getting over it, you forget to notice the meaning of those places. They just become another restaurant, and another bank, or whatever.